hi
I've have been reading some threads on sexual assault but really need some support/advice/not sure what?
I have recently been seeing a counsellor due to dealing with my partner of nine years leaving me. We have a daughter together. I've been doing great with the counsellor and felt it was making a difference but last week got into territory I didn't anticipate and whilst talking to her admitted that he had done things to me without my consent. Counsellor asked me in more direct terms whether I had been raped. I had not ever intened to deal with any of this.Counsellor also said that much of relationship sounded like it had elements of sexual and emotional abuse. I came away from meeting, looked at various info online and have been left reeling by seeing my whole relationship in a new light and can't believe I've been in denial so long.
However, this last week since all this I have been sick, shaky, constant nervous feeling in my chest-hard to explain, and just constantly distracted and on edge. I booked another appoint with counsellor in the same week as I just didn't know what to do, I feel awful. Went to the appoint,net today and she has been amazing, suggested it is likely to be shock. Has been supportive, also suggested I ring rape crisis.
I need advice. I feel lonely, confused, don't know what to do, talk about it -which seems impossible at mo, or try forget it and feel normal again? Should say that I still see my ex at handovers etc and on occasion he does still 'try it on' :-( confused. X
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Sexual assault-experiencing shock now I have admitted this to counsellor?
pumpkinpie5 · 01/08/2014 23:14
She's right, it probably is shock. It's the sort of realisation that will turn your whole world upside down.
Have you rung rape crisis? They may help you talk and work through some of the confusion, and if it turns out you can't talk, they'll be okay with that, too.
Do you think you would be able to forget it if you tried? I don't know that I would, and I think now that it's come up, you will have to think about it a bit, particularly if you're seeing a counsellor because of him leaving you -it'll all be wrapped up in it. But I am not you, and what's right for me isn't necessarily right for you.
In any case, you don't have to do anything right now. Take your time. If you're not ready to do anything about it, then that's okay. If it takes you a day, a week, a year, a decade, that's okay. Be kind to yourself. 
Hi Pumpkin
Did your counsellor give you any advice and direction about where to go to discuss these feelings whilst you wait for your next appointment and did she suggest bringing your next appointment forward or offer you the chance to contact her to do this?
You shouldn't be left high and dry with nowhere to take these feelings after you have disclosed something traumatic. These feelings are normal especially if at first (upon disclosure) you felt it was cathartic (brought your a feeling of relief). What I would suggest is that you call your local rape crisis helpline and just chat to them and let them know you have recently disclosed a sexual assault. They will be experiences in this and will help you manage these feelings in a positive way.
I wish you all the luck in the world, that you will be able to move forward and find a safe space for these feelings 
Sorry for repeating the word 'feelings' about eight million times 
. I sound like a broken record.
This reply has been deleted
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Pumpkin
You have a decent sounding counsellor 
. I am often appalled at how many of them don't put in these safeguards and don't understand the risk after somebody discloses traumatic events.
Can you find some solace in being around other people or do you feel like you want to be somewhere more private? Do you have any soothing friends who wouldn't necessarily expect you to talk about what is on your mind but could just be with you (presencing).
Otherwise maybe make yourself a safe place in the living room with your daughter, get something lovely to eat and drink (even if you feel you cannot eat or drink), watch some funny, lighthearted films or ones that you can get engrossed in and spoil yourself. Or a decadent bath with a good book, some scented things, music etc.
Fact is after sexual assault and rape it can help to treat your body and psyche kindly by lavishing attention and spoily things upon it. It can centre you, help you find that still place that combats all the chatter.
Finally can you write all of it down? Get it out of you and onto a page or screen? Highlight the things that really stand out with a highlighter pen and take it with you to the counsellor. It is normal to count down the days in these early stages of post disclosure and it is a good sign that you are forming a therapeutic relationship with her. A good counsellor will then work with you to enable you to take back your internal locus of control (the sense that you self determine what happens and how you react) over time. But for now she is there for you to lean on.
The physical effects are all normal too so let then happen. Think of it as getting all that toxic stuff out- the rage and pain and fear and everything else. It is like vomiting after food poisoning to a certain degree. However if there are ways you know of helping you manage how you feel about these physical signs, try to use them, especially if you think the physical manifestations are becoming too bothersome or interfere with your everyday activities.
If you have intrusive thoughts, I often find that clients who learn to tell themselves 'stop it' (out loud if necessary) can build up to a point where the command is enough to switch them off.
Or find something else that distracts you- computer / phone games are great because you physically and mentally cannot play these AND worry about something else. Or go for a walk with your daughter and distract yourself by playing a game with her (if she is old enough) like doing a nature hunt. Anything that combines physical and mental activity.
And practise good sleep and bedtime hygiene- wind down, a bath, no over stimulating books or films, make sure bed is inviting. Don't lie there ruminating if you cannot sleep- get up and do something else. And take a multi vitamin and mineral, drink plenty of fluids., Try to eat little and often. Looking after the body will help you heal your mind.
Hi Pumpkin
Did the Citalopram help do you think? A lot of people come off them prematurely when they start to feel better when it might have been best to have remained on them a little longer.
Taking an antidepressant wouldn't be going backwards if you did think that- try to see it as another way of bolstering yourself, of gaining more strength and volition to make changes and work through the painful feelings.
If you learn to ride a horse you know that it is going to be hard work, involve falls and aches & pains to the body and that one way of preventing or mitigating injury is to wear a hard hat and a back protector. The anti depressants and the therapy are their equivalents- you have to learn to ride that old horse, but there are ways of protecting you from the absolute rawness of that process.
You aren't going backwards you know- I think that disclosing what happened to you has left the door open wider than it usually is and so other stuff creeps back in (Boy am I busy with the metaphors today- sorry :)). That often happens and again, time and counselling will help you acquire and strengthen the tools you'll need to exercise some door control, not let too much in at opportune or inopportune moments.
It is normal to feel swamped, in fact of course you would feel swamped- anybody would. Try not to impose all these 'should's - 'I should or shouldn't feel like this' because they make you start comparing yourself to a standard of feelings and reaction that will be impossible to live up to.
You are human and you can only take so much. Your psyche is telling you that now is the good time to seek out extra support and sensibly you have listened to it. Good on you
You've had some cracking advice from Mignonette.
Does your therapist offer CBT practical coping techniques? Autogenics can be very helpful with dealing with anxiety and distress.
Wishing you well
+ 
+ 
to you.
Your counsellor does sound good which is a brilliant thing. You tried several and you were obviously determined to find the right one for you. Sounds to me like you are a resourceful, focused woman who is going to come through this and thrive.
Pumpkin
No, not wanting to go back on them is not silly. The side effects can be so awful and nobody wants to gain weight when they are happy with their weight as it was. However there are lots of medications and another one may suit you better so don't rule it out for the future and going back onto them doesn't mean anything more than you are going back onto them as part of your forward momentum. There is no failure or regression to it although after coming off them (which is a huge achievement, yes) I understand that you wish to try to recover using other means. Oh, and the getting the gained weight off? That's another of your big achievements too.
Re riding- when you are ready- yes yes yes. This would be enormously helpful you know and horses are instinctive and sensitive companions to the psychically wounded. They heal.
You know, when I think about the courage it takes for a person to open up to a counsellor/HCP etc and then have to meet a new one, develop a rapport and build a therapeutic relationship all over again- well, that's a big ask so again, don't judge yourself too harshly for not wanting to have to do this over again. How many of us would feel able to talk of such deeply painful and private issues? I wouldn't find it easy ^ so I take my hat off to you. So yes, you go at your pace, keep disclosure fluid and relevant to what you feel able to do at the time and even if you have talked of something and then change your mind, it is absolutely right and cool for you to be able to say "Nope, can't go there at the moment. Thought I could, but not now". They are there to help rebuild your sense of internal control and self determination so actually it is a really healthy thing for you to be able to do. (And I am sure you are aware of how this relates to what happened to you).
As for feeling unboundaried and wanting to regain strength and resilience- I just wanted you to know that I see all these qualities in you by the way you write; even if you yourself can barely see them in the distance.
You have stated clearly the reasons why you feel antidepressants might not be right for you.
You can see what you might or might not feel able to do when you meet the counsellor/volunteer next week and speak of your wants and feelings in a way that shows you think they have importance. That you matter.
You have hopes to maybe resume riding again.
You have sought out and found a counsellor that you have started to build a really good trusting relationship with and importantly you have used this process to determine what you don't want in the counselling relationship and what you want from it.
You are insightful into the difficulties you have faced re opening up and are sensible about protecting and nurturing the gains you have made (and you'd be surprised how many counselling/therapy clients don't develop good insight or learn to nourish their progress) . You hold the relationship with your child in an important central place and because this weekend was seen to be a difficult one for you, you arranged to have her looked after tomorrow so you could focus on yourself, rest and get some clarity in your mind.
Pumpkin you are so much stronger than you think and you have done so much work already.
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