Wrong thing to do ?

[Stillfeel18]

Please give me your opinion on this. DH bought himself new t shirt and it faded first wash.Lost the receipt and retailer won't replace. I found an identical t shirt online from another retailer and bought that as a treat to replace faded one cos DH said he prob wouldn't wear the faded one now. He cross said was waste of money and if I wanted to treat him should have bought a different t shirt cos now he has 2 the same. Sounds petty now i have written it but caused argument. Wrong thing to do?

[EveMarieSaint]

Is he usually so ungrateful?

[ChuffMuffin]

Wow, is he always this ungrateful? No, you didn't do the wrong thing, you did a nice thing for him and he's behaving like a child.

[Stopanuary]

It all depends on your financial situation and your relationbship genearally....

Practically though, isn't the replacement likely to fade pretty fast too? So he'll have two faded t shirts.... so from that perspective he does have a point.

[dimplesinmybuttcheeks]

Send the one you bought back and let him keep the faded one. Ungrateful arse.

[Stillfeel18]

Well he had asked me to change the washing powder to a colour care type one a while ago and until this happened i hadnt .as he thinks our usual one fades clothes . I have bought new powder so hopefully will not fade when washed. Not usually ungrateful but we seem to be arguing a lot lately and this was one more thing I annoyed him over. Thanks for your answers

[Jan45]

So you do a nice thing and get criticised, again, for it. Sorry but I'd have told him to fuck right off.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Does he usually buy himself t-shirts?
Is anything else going on.
As you are arguing more can you sit down and discuss things.
Is he more protective over his phone or anything like that?
I just can't believe anyone could be so ungrateful.

[GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt]

Can he not go to the shop himself and buy washing powder? Are you the laundry maid?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

My opinion is that - as it so often is - this is not about t-shirts, washing powder of the expense of replacements. There is something else going very wrong here, there is something that is not being said, and it is bubbling up in stupid places turning petty problems into full-blown arguments

What is really going on OP? How long have the arguments been happening? What has changed?

[hellsbellsmelons]

That is exactly what I was getting at Cog

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Great minds Hells, great minds... :)

[Jan45]

Cog, spot on as sual...

[Stillfeel18]

We been together for 16 years. Married for 11 this August. Nothing has changed with us but 3 years ago his mum got cancer but is now ok. It hit him hard and he struggled with it. Now my mum has cancer too and is currently having chemo. I know this makes him sad and wonder if his outbursts at me are related to that.

[Stillfeel18]

Sorry missed answering questions. Yes always buys his own clothes and doesn't hide phone or anything like that.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Do you ever sit down and talk, just the two of you, about serious matters like how you both feel about illness in the family, hopes, dreams, fears etc? Being sad is no excuse for blowing up at someone over trivial things.

[HellonHeels]

I agree with the people who've said it's about underlying issues rather than being about buying a t shirt or soap powder. Hope you can talk and get things clear.

But I just don't get why buying soap powder is your responsibility!

[Stillfeel18]

Yes we talk a lot about plans and fears etc . We are very close. Just thought it was weird to go off on one like that.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

I'd pack the one you bought right back up and send it back.

Then I'd sit him down and tell him things had better change or else.