How to 'do' counselling

[whitedoor]

My marriage is in a pretty bad way and communication other than superficial day to day stuff is not going well.

After another frosty night, I have just sat and filled an A4 sheet with a messy spider diagram type brain dump of all the issues as I see them. There is no way we are going to be able to work through this on our own. Talking descends into arguments which aren't resolved, resentment breeds and it becomes easier to avoid discussion all together.

I need to give things one last try, although I constantly daydream about moving out, I don't think this would be the best thing for my DS. We still have some happy times together as a family and I don't want to miss out on that experience of seeing DS having fun with DH and DSSs. I think I still love my husband, its just all lost somewhere or buried with resentment.
Additionally, I don't think a separation would be a magic solution to our problems and may actually make life harder. We would still have to co-parent and I have seen first hand how difficult he has made that for his exwife over the years. And also the resentment he has felt towards the children because he hasn't had any 'free time' due to the custody arrangements. I don't want my DS going into that sort of lifestyle. And DH would demand shared custody, I'm sure of it.

So with that background where do I start with counselling? Is it just a case of googling relate and making an appointment? Does anyone have recommendations? How long will it take and what is needed to make it successful?

[JaceyBee]

I would find a private counsellor/psychotherapist who ideally has an MA/MSc, is trained to work with couples and is BACP or UKCP accredited. The BACP or counselling directory website is a good place to look.

I wouldn't bother with relate, they are generally not as thoroughly trained, they usually have a long waiting list and and really the only reason people use them is because they are a 'brand'.

What is needed is a commitment to engage in the sessions and outside of them, how long it will take is impossible to say right now!

[JaceyBee]

I could possibly make a recommendation depending on where you are in the country? I am a trained counsellor as above but don't worry, it wouldn't be me!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

If you're talking about joint counselling, there's no point organising anything unless your DH is as enthusiastic and committed to the idea as you are.

[whitedoor]

Thanks Jacey I am in NW England, will have a look at the bacp website.

All I can do is ask him if he will engage. I don't think we have much chance of sorting things ourselves.