AIBU to feel a bit let down by DH over his internet history

[TwistAndPout]

Have nn changed for this.

I don't know, I feel like I'm getting a bit upset over nothing but I'm not sure.

Years ago (around 7 or 8 years ago) when DH and I were quite new together I discovered a porn stash on his computer. I felt upset by this as it made me feel like I wasn't enough or doing enough and why did he feel the need to look at it. if it was something we looked at together it would be one thing, but it felt a bit like he was going behind my back. I spoke to DH about it and he said it wasn't a big thing, he'd deleted everything and wouldn't look again, he wasn't bothered about it. Nothing has since been mentioned or referred to about this.

So I've just been on his computer to do something and found out he seems to relatively regularly (as in weekly, sometimes more, sometimes less) looking at provocative/naked/semi naked pictures of celebs. They seem to originate from yahoo news and links he must see as he's browsing and looks on them. Some pictures have just been looked at once and others he has been back to/seen a number of times kate middletons bum

I don't know whether this is just completely normal behaviour and I'm making a fuss feeling a bit let down/upset. I don't know whether DH is actively going against what we agreed since it's not actual porn on proper porn sites. I don't really know what to think but I feel a bit upset about it all. Any clarity and judgement from an outsider would be appreciated. I don't know whether to bring this up with DH or not as he'll know I was nosing at his internet history...

[Bruins]

I think that this is very normal, and I hate porn. Looking at KM,s bum is something that most of us would do, perhaps several times.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

What you're saying is that you don't want him to look at pictures of attractive women at any time. I think, given the content of the average newspaper/magazine/news website that's unrealistic. Do you feel insecure with your DH? Does he openly ogle women when you're out and about. Does he behave in an untrustworthy/contemptuous manner? Do you feel insecure in yourself and compare yourself unfavourably with other women?

[MorphineDreams]

Firstly ask yourself, why were you going through it in the first place. Is there any insecurity there on your part, is he not to be trusted?

I'm very much in love with my partner but I have to admit I do look at photos of Tom Hiddleston and the other celebs I fancy.

[Allinson2014]

I'm a bit confused. Is he actively searching for pictures of Kate Middletons bum or is it something more along the lines of he's ready something (for example in the dreaded Daily Mail) and one of the links at the end has been to an article or something about Kate Middleton?

It sounds pretty normal behaviour to me too. As said above it sounds like you don't want him to look at any attractive women ever. Is he still looking at porn sites? If he's not perhaps he isn't aware how you feel about him looking at these celebrities? Is your relationship generally ok?

[AlleyCat11]

Kate Middleton's bum is nice. And a good compromise if you don't want him looking at porn.

[Annarose2014]

My browsing history would show me googling Kate Middletons tits that time she was topless in France.

And there is no way I'm passing by a link for some nekkid male celeb without clicking on it.

NO. WAY.

[littlemslazybones]

I'm not sure where you would stop if you don't think looking at KM's bum is unacceptable.

I'm not o.k. with porn for instance but I didn't watch 100 (again) last night for the riveting dialect.

[littlemslazybones]

ignore the double negative. Thoughts of Gerard Butler scramble my brain

[Bruins]

I have to admit that it was my own insecurities that made me hate DH looking at pictures of women in papers etc.
I knew it didn't have anything to do with how he viewed me, but I was still jealous. There! I've said it. I was jealous.
I think that if you can own this perfectly normal emotion, without letting it get out of control, life becomes simpler.

[littlemslazybones]

Discourse, not dialect. I need help.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

If I worried that DH googles "pretty actress naked" he'd be allowed to bother about the photos and links we exchange on the tennis threads.

I have returned to some of them many times

[HumblePieMonster]

Where do I look for Kate Middleton's bum? Is there something special about it?

I wouldn't worry too much, OP. I sometimes look at nice looking old blokes and some of them don't have much on in the way of clothing (Yogi Cameron, for example). A feast for the eyes isn't necessarily a prelude to a solo-shagfest, and if I had a partner, looking at the Yogi wouldn't make me think any more or less of the man in my life.

[gamerchick]

What about in the street.. do you expect him to keep his head down? Do you preview TV programs before letting him watch them, what about newspapers and whatnot, where does it end?

He's not looking at porn, he's looking at random public stuff.

[TwistAndPout]

OK, thanks all, it's good to know IABU and this is all OK. DH and I watch TV, I know he likes watching the pretty ladies (that's such a bad term, but YKWIM) and we joke about it sometimes. I don't expect him not to notice women in the street, but I would hope he wouldn't drool and ogle (he doesn't that I've ever noticed).

I guess this is all my issue, that it feels secret that he's been looking at this (yes, it is like the kind of link on Daily Fail type of thing, not actively searching 'KM bum'). I don't really do that or feel the need to, so I find the concept weird, or I wouldn't do it in a way to look at their bodies and admire in a sexual way. I suppose it makes me feel like why am I not enough and am I not doing enough to satisfy him (this sounds very hail the man he is the head of the house, I don't mean it like that). I have self esteem and body image issues (although keep it well hidden) so for him to look at these pictures and want to see them and enjoy it I feel like somehow I'm not enough, but I can see now I suppose whatever I did/looked like etc it wouldn't stop this. I could be Beyonce and he'd still be looking at kate M and Cheryl Cole as nude as he can find them

[SlicedAndDiced]

I think it is quite normal, but Yanbu to be upset if that is how you feel.

[Holdthepage]

I don't see the problem they will just be links from news items. I often get sidetracked by celeb twaddle, not KM's bum but other rubbishy items not usually on my radar. Tis harmless.

[TwistAndPout]

I wish I had some links but I'm not on DHs computer. He couldn't be less interested in sleb twaddle and moans at me for being shallow when I watch reality/celeb programmes, so there's no reason for him to be on these pages unless he's enjoying the images, it's definitely not for the article content.

[RedRoom]

This wouldn't bother me. I read the Daily Mail site for the celebrity gossip because I'm a loser and frequently click on pictures of celebrities in bikinis and showing side boob. I'm interested in how other women look. Not sure why, I just am. Equally, I look at the men on the beach pics too.

Maybe I should have name changed for that admission

[TwistAndPout]

red

I should make it clear, it's not Daily Fail he's on, it's yahoo celeb and links from that page to other trashy sites at the bottom of the page.

[Cantbelievethisishappening]

Why were you snooping? Making out that you somehow found this history makes it sound like you came across it purely by chance when it appears you were actively looking. IME men look at porn. Always have and always will. The internet makes it easy to do. People have obvious views on porn.... Some hate it and cannot stand their partners looking at it. It has never really bothered me to be honest unless it was impacting on my relationship in some way. I would have more of an issue with someone snooping through my internet history. You said it feels 'secret'..... That just smacks of controlling behaviour. Does he need to run every website past you for approval?
But this is just my opinion.

[Jan45]

All very well saying porn is harmless, it isn't, either for the people exploited or the people that end up addicted to watching it. If you are in a committed relationship there should be no need to get your rocks off elsewhere.

As for him looking at semi clad ladies, pretty normal I'd say, not to say that you shouldn't feel what you feel, would he like it if you were looking up half naked men - it's really about what you both see as acceptable and not.

[4seasons]

I used to have the same type of feelings you have about this stuff until I read an article in a magazine which made me laugh and think about it more rationally .
It basically said " imagine how your husband would appear to the attractive 20 something beauties .... grey haired, plenty of wrinkles etc. etc. How much of a chance would he stand of " pulling " them ? ( unless he was filthy rich , but that's another story ) " Suddenly I began to see things in a whole new light and at times I actually feel a bit sorry for him .

You see I have grown older with my DH and so I still see him as I saw him years ago , not really as he is now . I love him for who he is not what he looks like . He isn't gruesome by the way ! Just a whole lot older than he used to be !

Now , " real " porn I would have a problem with , but for totally different reasons to do with exploitation of women etc.

Relax and make sure he knows you have been looking at photos of attractive male celebs. Nothing like a bit of competition to raise his game !

[4seasons]

I forgot to address the other issue you raised about your own body issues etc .
The way I see it , the men some of these gorgeous looking women are with still cheat and lie and go off with other women . Some men are never satisfied because of flaws in their own nature . You and I may never look like one of these amazing celebrities ( with their 24 hour on -call hairdressers/ make up artists / personal trainers etc. ) but we do our best with what nature has given us ( although nature has given me a bit too much around the waist these days ) .

I suppose the point I am trying to make is that if a man is going to cheat he will , however fabulous you are . So don't beat yourself up about how you look unless you yourself want to change .

I take it your DH looks like Channing Tatum ? No ? So why do you need to look like Jennifer Lopez ? ( accidentally showing my own preferences there ... oops )

[TwistAndPout]

yes I'm a control freak. I don't make a habit of chasing up DH or thinking the worse. I had to use Dhs computer today for something and when I rung him up to check the password I got a nervous sounding answer. I wondered if he had a reason to be nervous. Every time I've been on his computer in the past online on the browsing history (which has been rare) it has always been freshly deleted so I'm always as to why it's deleted and if there's a reason why he's deleting everything and if he's hiding something. I was waiting ages for something to download and was bored so went online and found my way onto his history. There wasn't a motive to go on just to spy on him.

[Jan45]

I don't think your issue now is him looking at semi clad celebs, by what you have just written he's still on the porn.