it's been 6 weeks and I'm still totally miserable, tell me this is normal?

[vrtra]

My boyfriend of 4 years dumped me. It was very sudden & unexpected, we had a 'break' in Feb following an argument but he came back after a week saying he really regretted it. We didn't live together before due to financial circumstances but as we both were now in stable jobs we had started looking. He booked us a viewing for a flat, it was absolutely perfect, I told him how much I liked it and then he dumped me right there in the street. Haven't spoken to him since other than to pick up some of my stuff from his.

Saw him in the street last month while I was walking home from work, he was sitting outside the pub with one of his friends from work, he turned to whisper in the guy's ear rather than show his face. I had sunglasses on thank god because I cried the rest of the way home.

People keep saying it will get better and I'll meet someone new, I don't see that happening and keep picturing myself getting older & always being this lonely. Despite not living together we spent a lot of time together - my evenings and weekends feel so empty.

Doesn't help that all our friends were his friends, he is no doubt being comforted at this difficult time by multiple people while I have no one.

Does it really get better when a breakup is so one sided and unexpected?

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

Yes, it does get better. Slowly, but it really does.

You need to get yourself out and about, even if it's just for a walk in the park to get some fresh air. Think up some activities you could do to expand your circle of friends and acquaintances. It's really bloody awful for you to have lost mutual friends in this way but use this as an opportunity. And a lesson: you need your own friends, separate from any future partner, for your own mental health and confidence as well as an insurance policy against being so horribly isolated.

One day you will wake up in the morning and he won't be the first thing that pops into your head, and then you'll know that you're healing.

I've been where you are now and it truly does get better, I promise.

[vrtra]

Thank you

[Summerbreezer]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down.

I think the nub of the issue is in this sentence:


Doesn't help that all our friends were his friends, he is no doubt being comforted at this difficult time by multiple people while I have no one.

You haven't just lost him - you've lost your friends and your identity. Bitter is right - you need to make your own friends and find your own life away from any partner. Do not rely on anyone to make you feel better.

One step at a time. Be kind to yourself, do the things you enjoy. Slowly it will get better.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Echoing the advice above, it does get slowly better. Learn from the experience however and build your new life on the assumption that there won't be someone in it filling your weekends and providing a social circle. If you resolve to make yourself more independent and less reliant then your next relationship will be a better one.

[superstarheartbreaker]

Tbh he sounds very volatile to end it like that... And more than a bit strange. Even though it dosnt feel like it now, you have probably had a very lucky escape...I normally see my exes as lucky escapes once I have healed.

[ExitPursuedByAKoalaBear]

Bless your heart. Yes it will get better and you will get over it. It took me about 18 months to two years. And that was after being dumped by a chap I was considering dumping.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

[crazylady321]

It does get better 6 weeks is nothing at all. It took me months to get over 1 guy. Your not alone dont be so hard on yourself.

Have you anything you enjoy doing that you could take your mind off it?

[coffeeinbed]

You've been together for 4 years.
You will Need longer than six weeks to get over.

But you will.
It will get getter.

[WellWhoKnew]

Yes. Totally normal.

[vrtra]

Thank you all, that is reassuring. I have been trying to keep a brave face on but it's bloody hard! Have been off work sick (did my back in) which doesn't help, lots of time to think. I'm going to try and think up a list of activities to take my mind off things so that I have stuff to look forward to when I'm feeling better :)

[Minime85]

Hi sorry you are having a tough time. It does get better and everyone gets through things at their own pace. I agree try to see your friends and build relationships not directly linked to him and fill your time that way. Join some meet up groups. Get things planned on calendar and when another guy comes along carry on doing that and have a life separate from him as well as with him