Don't Walk on Bi! Join us in the Turning Tavern V

[ballsballsballs]

A thread for women who have suddenly found themselves attracted to other women.

[SisterGeorge]

I'll join you, I stumbled upon the last thread the other night and loved reading it. My attractions aren't really sudden, they've gone on for a few years, but there's no one I can discuss this with in real life, so it's lovely to hear from others who are in the same boat.

[Elfhame]

Sister George... ditto!

[SisterGeorge]

Hi Elfhame!

[ballsballsballs]

It's awful quiet round here :)

I emailed a friend today who came out as an adult. He was lovely and we're going to meet in a couple of weeks.

I've started to realise that I'm much more attracted to women than men, and have been giving my next steps serious thought. I love my DH but...
Life is hellish complicated emotionally at the moment and I seem to lurch from elation to utter terror.

[Cloudless]

Watching from across the room...

[ballsballsballs]

I've come back to this thread and feel I should explain my attractions aren't sudden. I've been attracted to women for a long time but squashed the feelings down.

What was 'sudden' was me cheating on DH with a woman. He knows and we've been in counselling; I am truly sorry for cheating on him. But my feelings around women have got stronger, and I'm less and less attracted to men.

I don't have WIQ (woman in question) which was the dilemma faced by some of the women on previous threads. My dilemma is how I go forward as my feelings are changing.

[Cloudless]

Balls do you have kids tying you to your DH?
Do you want to stay with him?

[ballsballsballs]

No and no. I'm just terrified of the practicalities - I'm a skint student and have a shedload of stuff to sort. And I'm also not well (gallbladder) and am waiting for an op, so not much energy to sort stuff.

[Cloudless]

Sorry to hear of your gallbladder problems.
It seems like you know you want to leave so you can at least start to plan. Perhaps you could set yourself some goals and work towards those?

[ballsballsballs]

I have a bit of a plan, in small steps. I've started sorting out my stuff - getting rid of crap, deciding what I want to keep.

DH knows about my sexuality and has asked that, if I want to pursue it, that I speak with him and not cheat on him again. Which is fair enough.

[Cloudless]

A few years ago I left a marriage because I realised I was gay. It was hard, but incredibly worthwhile.
It's good that you have a plan and that you're open with your dh. One day you'll look back on this time with relief and gratitude to be out.

[Kittydocni]

Always been bi, but monogamously married to my DH.
There is a difference between attraction and acting on it.
Perfectly possible to be monogamous (with either a male or female partner ) and bisexual.

If you want out of your opposite relationship to pursue a same sex one, or you want to have sex with women while remaining in your straight relationship, then ok, fine.
Just don't use your sexual orientation as an excuse for infidelity.
Bi-erasure and the myth that you can't be both faithful and bisexual still need overcoming.

[ballsballsballs]

I have not and will not use my sexuality as an excuse for infidelity. I'm not looking for a mistress and didn't plan to cheat.

My marriage has been under strain for a couple of years because of my husband's drinking. I cheated on him at a point I felt completely estranged from him.

[anabanana33]

Hello, can I join you? I've been aware of having feelings for women for a long time now, but I've only ever had relationships with men. I split from my dp last year (for other reasons), but in a way being single and now thinking about dating again, has started to force me to actually confront my feelings. In particular it's brought up lots of questions about whether I should act on the way I feel and date women. Although, saying that, I am totally clueless and would have no idea about how to go about doing this! Has anyone been in this situation?

ballsballsballs - it sounds like you've got a lot going on in your life at the moment so it's not surprising you feel a bit all over the place. It's good you have a plan to work towards - be kind to yourself in the meantime and take it a step at a time.

[ballsballsballs]

Hi ana welcome to the Tavern :)

I called the London Lesbian and Gay switchboard after it happened, which I found really useful. They might be able to give you some advice.

[anabanana33]

Thanks balls, will look them up.

[ConfusedMum72]

Hi, just found this, its very confusing with so many T threads, is this one still going?