I'm at my wits end and need some advice as to how to handle this situation.
I am 41 and currently 37 weeks pregnant.
My husband and I have been together 20 years and have always had a good marriage. We have two funny girls (7&10) and we have worked hard with our own businesses to make a good life or ourselves.
In October 2012 we found out we were expecting baby no3. I was shocked but had always assumed and hoped we would have 3. DH completely lost the plot, he told me it was the worst day of his life and it reminded him of how he felt when he lost his father.
He refused to sleep in our room and became depressed. I told him that I would look into having a termination as I was stunned by his reaction.
We went to a clinic, even after my GP advised me against a termination, and I agreed to terminate my pregnancy at 5 weeks.
I was overwhelmed by the feeling of guilt that he put on me, and stunned by his reaction that I put his feelings enforce my own. A decision I will forever regret.
I slipped into a depression, I didn't want my own daughters around me, and I shut myself off.
We had long talks and he told me that he never realised that I would be affected the way I was. He said he regretted what I had done & that we should try again.
I then had four miscarriages. Each time becoming lower and lower. I ended up having to go on medication as I couldn't come to terms with the guilt and hate of myself that I felt or the termination.
DH was unable to talk to me about what I was going through.
I plodded along for 6months on medication and was ok.
In November I found out I was expecting again..told DH..not happy.
However I was happy and felt this little one would stick around.
He/she has.
In March my dad, who I am very close too, was diagnosed with cancer and I have been helping him get through his gruelling chemo since then. It's been heartbreaking. DH has been supportive throughout my dads illness but he cannot discuss this baby with me.
I am an emotional wreck, I'm exhausted, and incredibly lonely. I may have this aby at anytime but te burden of the guilt I am carrying from DH is immense.
He says he wants to be at the delivery but I cant see why? He won't discuss the baby, names, anything.
I am so down at the moment after such a stressful pregnancy that I already feel I can't cope.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a hammering for this post...as as I read it back I just think how awful it reads... I'm just not sure how to deal with the delivery, and the hurt and the shame that I'm feeling.
I am not a weak person usually but I just feel so low at mo.
Ps my girls are completely over the moon about the new baby and that does make me very happy.
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Relationships
Heavily pregnant and husband refuses to discuss
39 replies
Hewhodares · 27/07/2014 16:40
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