Wish things could be different sex related

[peanutnutter]

OK long time lurker but first post. Married 24 years but not had sex for approximately last 10 years. before health issues interfered we were very sexually active, Since then I had gynae problems and dh had health problems, both now sorted except dh now on tablets for high blood pressure. I would like to resume our sex life and dh says he would too but nothing happens. He tells me he loves me every day and we have a kiss and a cuddle every day but I would like more. I have suggested we just fool around and see what happens but he seems reluctant and says it leaves him frustrated. I have tried to explain that piv sex is not the be all and end all but he doesn't get it. He gets very embarrassed and clams up. I am now so frustrated, I want to be intimate with him but he sees this as full sex not just fooling around and seeing where it leads us. We have talked but he gets so embarrassed and feels a failure. He has had a prescription for viagra but it made him feel ill. Any suggestions? Neither of us is unhappy in our marriage but I really would like to regain the intimate side of things. I have tried the direct route as well as being subtle - I can't seem to get an answer. Basically I want to know if he wants to and can't (we can work around that) or he doesn't want to - he says he can't but then refuses to discuss further. I know his confidence is low as he was married twice before and cheated on. I am so frustrate because I want to be intimate with him. thanks for listening

[peanutnutter]

oh should say say we have an 18 year age gap. We get on well and there is no conflict just this sex issue.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

His problem appears to be an acute loss of confidence, probably exacerbated by the ED problem. It should be important for him however that sexual intimacy is part of your relationship. You mention a prescription for Viagra making him ill. Has he been back to the GP and explained there's a problem.

None of that, however, excuses his reluctance to give you pleasure. That strikes me as rather selfish and unimaginative. If he refuses to discuss it, you're left with very few options.