is this guy trying it on or am I reading too much into it?

[leithpolice]

There was a similar thread on here along these lines yesterday which got me thinking about something which has just happened to me.

I'm married but marriage pretty on the rocks, discussing separation, not sure we can come back from where we are now, after a year or more of really not being in a good place. Have recently gone into a new, FT job for the first time since my DC was born 5 years ago, am really enjoying it and get on really well with colleagues. Its a breath of fresh air and is making me reappraise a lot about my life and my H.

Four of us are supposed to be going on a work-related trip out of town in a couple of months -- its a jolly, as opposed to something we have to attend. Its an evening event. Its far enough that we'd have to get a train back but not so far that we would have to stay over, it would be easy enough just to get back home and the journey would take just under an hour.

The people going are myself, two bosses and a (male) colleague. Male (single) colleague has asked if he and I should get a hotel room for the night in the place where the event is rather than come back to where we live. Now to be clear he's not proposing we share a room. And there are plenty of pragmatic reasons for this -- we will probably have a fair bit to drink etc and we can get a cheaper train back in the morning. But its not necessary, neither of the bosses are going to do it and I thought it was slightly odd.

I am not remotely interested in becoming involved in anything until my marriage situation has been resolved and would not consider doing anything with this guy even if I fancied him, which I don't. There are numerous reasons, even leaving my marriage out of the picture, why getting involved with him would be disastrous. But we have a really good working relationship/friendship which has really sustained me and helped me in this new job and I don't want to piss him off or come across as prissy or arrogant about this. Also having been married and not really having thought about this for the best part of a decade, I'm wondering if my radar for this sort of thing is shot.

I hope he's not making a pass at me because I really need all the friends I can get at the moment, and particularly at work. Just curious to know what others think about this?

[BlackDaisies]

Difficult to tell really. He might just want to be able to have a few drinks without the worry and hassle of getting back home. If you don't want to stay over and would rather get back home just say "tempting not to have to worry about getting the train but I think I'd rather wake up at home", and don't think anything more about it. Just enjoy your night out and make sure you can get home safely.

[leithpolice]

BlackDaisies yes, I had pretty much made up my mind not to do the overnight stay. Was just wondering what people thought as I don't really need this at the moment.

[BlackDaisies]

Well, I suppose it's a bit strange considering you've only recently met. You're probably best off ignoring it and giving off your "I am absolutely not interested in a relationship" vibes to make sure he gets the message, just in case.

[kaykayblue]

I don't think him posing the question is at all weird - he probably just wants to know what you plan to do. It sounds like he would prefer to stay over so he can have a few drinks and not worry about getting back afterwards, but doesn't want to be the only one staying over as that's pretty dull.

But it depends on how he interacts with you on a daily basis. If he sets off your creepy alarm then that's not great. If he's just a normal guy then this wouldn't bother me.

I think you can use the "need to get back for the kids" excuse.

[daisychain01]

I don't want to piss him off

You have handled things well and it sounds like you have everything under control, so don't worry about what he thinks, he will just have to get over it.

Hopefully he wont take things personally, but thats his decision if he does.

[NormalBloke]

He sounds pretty normal to me

[leithpolice]

kaykayblue its not creepy radar he's setting off. He doesn't come across as a sleaze at all. Its just slightly politically difficult and something I don't have the emotional stamina to deal with at the moment. Glad to hear a lot of you think this sounds perfectly innocent.

[Lovingfreedom]

Just decide for yourself whether you want to get back or stay over. You can easily say that you need to get back without causing any embarrassment or offence. If he's offended by you saying no to staying over then he is creepy and out of order.