Another of the same old story...

[startinoveronmyway]

Well, it's over. Well and truely. After much trying and trying and trying, it just wasn't working and I got the dreaded 'I don't love you anymore' speech from him. Married many years with young kids. About 80% of me is sooooooo glad it's over. And the rest is scared about my and the kids future.

For those women out there who have split from their spouses and have kids, how did you keep your spirits up? How did you get through the first few days/weeks/months/years?

I know logistically what I need to do, but would really appreciate knowing that there are others out there who have been through the same and got through it and were even happy dare I say?

[HumblePieMonster]

Wailed and cried when I wanted to, then carried on with life. Did things one tiny step at at time. Worked damned hard because it mattered for me and for daughter. My mantra was "Push that bit harder than you're comfortable with".

Since my ex and I broke up I:

Divorced him (long, arduous)
Bought a house, then a few years later sold it and bought another house
Went to university full time to get my degree
Did teacher training
Had a 20 year career as a teacher, now over
Brought up my precious daughter who was four when I threw her dad out
Saw her through annoying church primary and excellent independent secondary (yes, single parent, and paid)
Paid for some extra lessons (music, speech/drama) though I couldn't get her everything I wanted for her education
She went on one school holiday, to Italy
We had one 'holiday' of our own (Blackpool for traditional seaside things and the Isle of Man where she was born)
Took daughter and her friends to Norwich for an all-expenses paid week being stand-by team for a television programme - much more fun than it sounds...(hint, look for opportunities, follow up leads)
Paid for her wedding (reception at the Midland, Manchester, £1000 on flowers etc, but not an expensive wedding and she came in under budget, bless her)
Couldn't support her through Uni but did manage to put forward the odd bit of money or a chicken :)
Had the bathroom, kitchen, garage, roof done at the house.
Bought a £1400 carpet but me and the rabbits destroyed it so I now need another...
Had masses of counselling and found it really helpful.
Avoided medication or incarceration.
There might have been other things, too.
Highlights for me:
Daughter's confirmation, when we all stood to support her taking her adult responsibility for her Anglican beliefs
Daughter's wedding
Daughter on Eton choral courses, such a beautiful voice, such beautiful choirs
Daughter's singing teachers being national level - she's a good singer, really good
Daughter bringing home her lovely boy to marry, to her Grandma and Grandad's, on her 21st birthday
Daughter and baby, and son in law, surviving traumatic birth experience
Seeing them now, happy, successful.
Thanks be to God.
And now, I'm starting my life again. I don't know who or what I'll be in a few years time, if I'm still around at all. But I know that all the hard work was worth it, that the pain post- break up goes away, that on a functional level I don't hate the ex (I was totally shaken when I heard he had a brain tumour, and very sorry) and that I am very, very happy.

You will be fine. But not every day and not all the time. But fine. Really.

[florencedombey]

Wow, Humble, that's such an inspirational post. Well done.

[HumblePieMonster]

I've had 28 years to do it though...

[startinoveronmyway]

thanks humble. that helps a lot. one day at a time and try to find the good in the bad. and love my kids and be their rock. it's so hard but trying to look forward to feeling better.

[whatisforteamum]

wow humble that is the way to go girl :)

[HumblePieMonster]

its not unusual! it just looks good in a list...

[Fried]

He ran off with another woman in our social circle so I acted like I did not care until I didn't care so I kept my dignity.
Did not tell anyone at work as I could not cope with all the gossip/sympathy.
Was thankful to my wonderful friends who walked beside me through the misery and who I was able to tell exactly how I felt.
Never discussed him with the children and left him to forge a relationship with them and that cut out a lot of hassle for me.
Recorded lots of TV ready to watch and had treats ready for when I felt down.