getting a divorce with dd 6yo

[bhk3]

hi all
it is a very sad phase of life i am going through. i have a little angel my dd 6yo,unfortunately am separating from my husband after 8 years of marriage. just curious to know how to deal with the entire episode with my dd. she is too young to realise the matter. am too scared what impact will it make on her. Please suggest some ideas to make her understand the circumstances.

[Dec2013mummy]

There are a few books you can get that help to explain. I can't think of the names right now bit in sure if you google if some will come up.

[HumblePieMonster]

My daughter was four when me and her father split up. I just told her and she understood. I said daddy had a girlfriend and that isn't allowed when you're married, so we were splitting up. We both cried and wailed for a couple of years.

If I could turn the clock back, and if such things had been available in the eighties, I'd get her counselling. Ongoing. Maybe a course of six sessions a year and more if she needed. It really dents your self esteem if your dad leaves, and in our case it made her mum more extreme than ever. That's the one thing I didn't do that I'd like to have been able to have done (Apart from buy her a computer and a piano. Those were missing from her childhood. And take her to Eurodisney.)

Other than that, just reassure her of your love and don't say bad things about her dad. If he has faults, she'll spot them for herself eventually.

[farendofafart]

Marking my place. I have a 6yo too and need to have the 'conversation' with her about separating from her dad in the next few days.

I'm dreading it.

[Ships99]

I think just be honest but don't go into adult details. I told my two DDs that sometimes grown ups don't get on enough to live together forever. My ex bought me out if the marital home and I bought a new house. I told the kids that you will be lucky and spend time in the old house and the new house. I bought some books from Amazon... "Dinosaur divorce" was excellent... But maybe for slightly older kids... The other book was "mam and dad glue" which me and the eldest DD (she's 9) found a bit heartbreaking!
I have never told the kids that I don't love Daddy anymore ( in case thy wonder when my live for them will stop)... Just that the grown ups will be happier living in a house each, than in the house together.
The kids spend equal time in both houses and seem to be adjusting well since we left.

[NormalBloke]

Hey please DO NOT worry I seperated from my wife early this year....My 6yo is absolutely fine about it even if you explain it to them there just not that interested

He took about a week to understand the 2 homes thing......they just take it in their stride its amazing ......wish I could lol

[elliepac]

To echo others, I am 7 weeks post split with a 6yo DD (and 10yo DS) and they are coping fine. I agree with others in that don't go into too much adult terminology. We told DC's together. Emphasised throughout the conversation that we loved them both very much but that, although we were still great friends, we didn't love each other like a mummy and daddy should anymore. Obviously your situation could be different/more acrimonious but I would keep it simple and without blame.

She is fine and has taken it in her stride. We have the odd question here and there but she is fine. Good Luck.

[startinoveronmyway]

marking my place too. told the kids, lots of tears but always the reassurance that we both still love them no matter what and they will still see dad. breaks my heart though hearing 'I miss daddy' as there is nothing I can do to stop the hurt in their eyes.

[bhk3]

thanks everyone...got some of relief.
Just worried dat when she grows up may be in her teens she shouldnt blame me...or think bad about me.

[startinoveronmyway]

just had the kids in the paddling pool and dd gets sad and says 'i wish daddy was here to watch us paddle'
but then after reassuring her, she starts singing a song she made up singing, 'why daddy why?' it torn me in two!
but then a minute later was back splashing around in the pool.