Dug myself into a hole!

[achtunglady]

Name changer in case I'm recognised!

I have this friend, P. We've been friends for a couple of years, met indirectly through work (networking sort of situation) and hit it off, discovered we had loads in common etc.

At the time I'd been in a relationship for a few years. Things had been going stale, neither of us were especially bothered but neither of us had called it a day.

We were emailing / texting a ridiculous amount, probably anything upto about 30 times a day. After a couple of months I ended my relationship, and things with P carried on as normal. After another couple of weeks, I confessed to P that I was attracted to him. He said he'd guessed as much, was very flattered but hadn't really seen me in that way and that anyway didn't I have a fella. Around Christmas time he started calling me but hanging up, mostly when he was drunk.

Anyway, to cut a long story a lot shorter, things settled back down and we carried on being mates. We'd text a few times a week and meet up for dinner or something once a month or so, and its been like that ever since. We've both dated, but not anything serious in that time.

He's on holiday right now, and before he went he asked if I wanted to watch a film when he came back (indie arty kinda thing that's only on for a short time). So I text him a few days ago as normal. He told me he'd had a one night stand, I bemoaned my non existant sex life and said something about running away to join a convent. I ended the same message asking if he still fancied meeting up. Obviously I meant to watch the film, but in the context of the message it could have read like I was suggesting meeting for sex. Mortified, I sent a jokey message straight away to clarify.

His response was "well that's a shame" and something about how he was gonna suggest a more datey meet up. We then carried on the texting with a few innuendos and flirting thrown in. I suppose it was borderline sexting really. We've sort of arranged to meet up, but haven't said whether to watch the film or something else. I don't want to ask really until we fix a day etc.

But my head's a mess! I've fancied this guy for the past 2 years so I should be really happy? But I feel really nervous. I'm a bit overweight, but normally pretty confident in being naked etc. But with him the thought makes me a bit wobbly thinking he might think badly of me etc. And then there's the fact that it came outta the blue etc

I feel like it's too late to back out. And I don't actually want to. But how do I know that he genuinely likes me??

[Squidstirfry]

He's a bloke, he's not going to know if he genuinely likes you himself.

He'll be up for it though!

You're flustered and excited, which is normal, it's an exciting time. Don't ruin things by over-thinking, just go with the flow.

[plantsitter]

I think this guy is playing you. Sorry.

On the off chance he isn't, play it as cool as you possibly can. He knows you like him. Let him do the running. Let him contact you about the date. If he doesn't, there's your answer.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

You have had ample opportunity to meet for a long time. How easy for either of you to arrange a casual meet up, ONS then disappear. But that hasn't happened. He let you down nicely when you said you fancied him, things have bumbled along since.

I wish you had been out with others in the meantime. I don't think he is predatory but that text you sent sounded pretty much an invitation so ever the gentleman he responded. .. Get this over with OP at least you'll know where you stand.

[achtunglady]

I'm just seeing where it goes for now. We'll be meeting up anyway as arranged to at least watch a film.

I have been out with other people, so has he.

It's upto him really. That's how we normally arrange things anyway. He suggests a day and something to do and I either agree or suggest something else.

Thinking about it now, I'm not sure we've both been properly single at the same time. I mean we've both been seeing other people casually at certain times.

I suppose I wonder whether he's playing me. I don't feel like he is, and we are good mates, but it just seems so out of the blue.

Admittedly my message was worded appaulingly!

[magoria]

He knows you fancy him. You told him.

He likes you. As a friend/mate. He told you.

I think after two years you should move on and find someone else who is more into you. It is going to be hard to do that with him always in the background.

[Onesleeptillwembley]

Do you really just want to be a shag to him? If he liked you in that way then by now you'd have known. Now you've laid it out on a plate for him. Without strings. I mean this in the kindest way, wake up.

[AnyFucker]

Anybody that rang me then hung up just for the lolz would be told to fuck off

Who the hell does he think he is ?

[achtunglady]

Hmmm I don't think I like him in a relationship sort of way if I'm honest. I love his company, but I tend to prefer to be with someone very different to me.

In terms of no strings then yes that would appeal. I obviously physically fancy him and value him as a friend. I don't think there's any suggestion of anything more from either side.

Regards the phone calls, they were all drunken at a time when there was some minor flirting going on, but was some time ago now. We did have words at the time!

[Noneedtoworryatall]

He is an opportunist.

As soon as you sleep with him he will drop you, you will feel like shit, it will become awkward between you and your friendship will fizzle out.

If he really wanted to take you on a date he would have asked you.

[holeinmyheart]

Achtung , people change their minds because we are humans not Robots. Haven't you ever NOT fancied someone and then a few months later discovered you did? I had a bloke when I was an OOD, ask me out several times and I said 'no'. He then said to me ' I am going to ask you one more time and then I will never ask you again. I still said no. Then blow me, a few months later I saw him, and I thought he somehow looked different and I fancied him ( he was a nice bloke) I was peeved when he said ' well you had your chance and you blew it.' Your friend might have changed his mind about you, and why not? However, despite your flirty texts you are not committed to doing anything with him, whatever you have said. He may not even know what you mean by your texts anyway. Are men good at picking up subtle hints? You may be worrying unnecessarily. Although in the past you have told him how you feel, you can always say that during the ensuring interval, you have had time to think, and because of his initial reluctance, you are just mulling things over now, as to how things should progress. Try to keep cool. Let him do the running around. If he has changed his mind, Isn't it really his time to be specific and open like you were.