I’m going to put this into a list form to try and make it easier to write as my head is a bit of a mess and it’s complicated. Thanks for anyone who reads.
- I was engaged to a man with children, loved him and his kids very much. We were happy and everything was good.
- We were a couple for almost 4 years. Living together for 2. Engaged for 1. Would have been married three weeks ago.
- I also have a child (11) who lived with us, so a blended family and everyone got on really well.
- 8 months ago he came to me with the speech of “I am sorry, I can’t go ahead with this” and after that he left that night. There was not much conversation, as I thought it was a joke. He left me with a house I could not afford and just moved out without even talking to me beyond a 5 minute announcement. Found out there was an OW a few days later.
- Him and the OW were together a couple of months and that’s all, as far as I understand from people she was a shag and nothing serious, he never moved in with her.
- He changed from being lovely to me to be horrible the day he left. Told lies to everyone about our lives and why he did what he did, he cut me off financially overnight, he told me I had made him miserable and he had put up with me for so long and his behavior was my fault.
- I have not seen step kids since the day he left. Neither has my DC. No one got to say goodbye.
- I found out afterwards he had a sort of double life for the last year where he was shagging around with hookers.
So that is the summary of what happened, and 8 months later I feel I should be further on from where I am but I feel so incredibly lost and hopeless.
I have days where I feel okay and times were I feel happiness but I mostly keep myself busy so I can’t think.
I just want to understand how or why he did what he did. I can't seem to find emotional closure. I knew him very well, he was known for being a particularly good person and he was always great to me and the kids. It was the best and happiest relationship I ever had.
People tell me I almost married a monster, but I am not sure how that is supposed to feel better because he was the closest I have ever been to anyone in my life. If he was a monster, what does that mean for me?
I am still struggling financially, rent was due a week ago and could not pay it. I just avoid emails from landlord. I have constant stress with childcare etc. as my job and life was based around us being a team.
I can barely function in my job still and where I used to be known for being the best I am now a liability. I leave everything to the last minute and have several late payment notices on my credit file now.
I live away from my friends because I relocated for him and I know I have to move back to where my friends and family are but can’t afford to and also feel frozen / scared and completely incapable of moving in any direction.
I have dated, but it just made me feel more alone and I behaved like a crazy person expecting them to love me after 5 minutes or accusing them of cheating on me when they blinked in the wrong direction.
My DC misses his “family” and has had emotional problems since this happened. I am not a good Mum anymore. I want to be but I am so sad all the time I feel like every day is just surviving and I don’t know how to “play” anymore.
I hate myself all the time. I feel ugly and worthless and like I want to die and I can’t imagine anything ever being okay again. I feel like my DC would be better off without me.
I want to move on and have a new life, but I have no idea how to do it.
There is 50% of me that misses him so badly, and misses my best friend and wants to talk to him or get a hug or a kiss from him and then the other half of me remembers he doesn't exist really.
I read stories on here all the time of husbands and men who walk out like this leaving women shocked, and I read about them doing it after 40 years of marriage and being equally cruel and I know that it could be so much worse.
Please can anyone tell me that it will be better again one day. I am so tired of life and just want to give up now.