My life is a mess and I still can't leave him! Help

[Aym95]

Sorry it's abit long, and I'm pretty sure I want to leave him but just want a kick up the ass.

Been with oh for 18 months now and I thought I was in love with him, but I'm really not so sure now. He's controlling, jealous and possessive. For example I went to asda yesterday eve and e questioned why I took so long! He checks my phone and Facebook and I can't even look in the same direction as another guy without getting a dirty look from him. He's lazy, never listens, says he's going to change but never does.

I've lost my job because of his possessiveness (if that's a word) and house because I stupidly moved in with him and he got into arrears. I'm only 20 and I feel so trapped in this dead end relationship I want to leave but don't know how to do it, every time we speak about it he gets so angry threatens me and on occasion has been violent so that's why I'm so worried. I don't want to give up on his but I honestly don't know what I could do to make him change. I'm miserable, I do nothing all day everyday I'm 20 years old and get excited to go food shopping!

I know my mum would support me and let me move back in but she thinks we still live at his and I have a job, I never would lie to my mum like this but i just don't know what's happened to me. I've never been so unhappy in my life. I just need someone to talk to :(

[FidelineAndBombazine]

Don't discuss it with him, just go.

He lost the right to an explanation when he started behaving like a controlling tosser.

Does he work? Can you pack and leave while he is out?

[tallwivglasses]

Plesse get in touch with Women's Aid and let them help you get out of there. You're 20, you're bored. You have so much potential! Please don't let this loser suck it all out of you.

[Thumbwitch]

You can't change him. He doesn't want to change because he's got you where he wants you. You wouldn't be "giving up on him", because he's a violent abuser - you would be just escaping from a potentially lethal situation.

Get out now while you can, call Women's Aid, and get your life back! And for GOD's sake DON'T fall pregnant to this loser.

Go back to your mum's and ignore all further contact from him - block and delete him wherever you can (FB, phone, etc.)

Why in fuck did you give up your job???!

[MistressDeeCee]

You are just 20, and this is your life? You've lost your job, your home, you are bored and miserable. Why on earth do you not want to give up on this deadbeat, going nowhere except towards more misery relationship? When he is out, just leave. No announcement, discussion. Just walk out. Honestly, going through all this for the sake of having a man isn't worth it.

[Dirtybadger]

What everyone else said! Get out!

[lettertoherms]

Run. Now. Trust me. It will only get harder to leave the longer you stay. Don't spend a lifetime in misery. Just go.

I understand entirely how hard it is to leave. But do it, you have your life ahead of you, you have a way out. Don't believe any sweetness he comes out with. Ignore, block him, delete anything he sends you. Don't let him convince you to stay. The good parts never last, and the bad parts get much worse.

[Thumbwitch]

If you didn't see this and you need further convincing then watch it NOW.

Murdered by my boyfriend

[Admiraltea]

If you were my daughter... and you are not much older than my eldest... I would want you home right now.

No matter the job or anything else I would want you home.

At 20 you are very young and need to leave him and where you are, go home, be very kind to yourself and start all over again.

[bragmatic]

"Mum, I'm in trouble. He's violent, he's caused me to lose my job. I have no home except with you. He's threatened me. I'm frightened. Can I come home?"

Next time you go to ASDA, don't. Go home. Don't look back. Don't contact him except to tell him not to contact you or you'll call the police.

You owe him nothing. You're not married, you have no kids. You don't ever have to see him again. I know if seems hard, but it's simple. It really is. You have a great life ahead. Spend it with someone who deserves you.

[HumblePieMonster]

Just go to your mum and don't look back.

[WildBillfemale]

Either go to your mums or find a room in a shared place with other 20 year olds and start having fun again, flirt, date, go on group holidays with your mates, try out different looks, just enjoy being young and carefree again (plenty of time to settle down later)

This is a 'training' relationship, most of us have had them when young, they give you experience of what not to look for in a relationship.
You have no ties to him, no job, no kids, no house, you have a clean slate - please leave and start having fun again.

[WildBillfemale]

Forgot to add - you don't discuss leaving someone like this - you just go, take your stuff and leave when he's out - it will only take one phone call to your mum to let her know you are coming........

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

Run like the fucking wind. Throw yourself on your mum's mercy, I'm sure she will understand. If she doesn't, friends, other family, anyone. Just do not waste another second with this man, please.

[WildBillfemale]

gah not awake yet, I mean discuss with your OH, you don't need his agreement to leave - just go.

[happyzapper]

Get out your only twenty this happens to girls twice your age . Its scary suddenly your not even allowed out . Depression . Get out now consult lawyer/family/counsler dont waste your life dont be afraid . He cant hurt you dont even think he will get better or listen to people who say hes a slob and stop moaning Go to a friends house (or mums) dont look back get out in the next 42 hours . I dont think you understand that if a man is violent he always will be you owe him nothing and he has given you nothing but bad thoughts go with an overnight bag next day come back with protection dad mum uncle friends to collect belonging if over people are there he cant touch you

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

You're in an abusive relationship OP. He's intimidated you with violence, jealousy and aggression so you're frightened and with good reason. You don't need a 'kick up the ass' - your life doesn't need more aggression - but you do need to realise just how dangerous men like your boyfriend are. Women die all the time at the hands of jealous, violent partners.

Please find the courage to call your mother, Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 and/or the police. Be strong, get away and stay safe.

[vicmackie]

I want to leave but don't know how to do it

If he's always around then wait til he goes to the toilet or falls asleep. Pick up your phone and put it in your pocket. Find your passport and put it in your pocket. Same with your bank card. Open the front door. Walk out of it. Close it behind you. Go to your mum's. Job done.

[Thumbwitch]

Just say you're going to Asda, walk out and don't go back. If you need your stuff, send someone else around to collect it.

You don't need to talk about it, just do it. Talking, as you have seen already, gets you nowhere apart from into more danger. So don't tell him what you're planning, just bloody LEAVE.