Does DP mean everything hurtful he says during an argument?

[IWokeUpLikeThis]

DP & I have been together for 4 years And have 11mo DD.
We have always bickered, it's just were very similar and both stubborn.
When we do argue though, he says all sorts to me along the lines of 'your a bitch' 'your so selfish' 'i don't want to be with you' 'I don't even enjoy spending time with you' etc not in an aggressive way though
Whenever we make up, and I say about the things he's said and that it hurts me he says I drove him to it, backed him into a corner and made him say it and he didn't mean it

So whole point of this post is, does he mean it though? Surely there's no smoke without fire. I'm worried he says what he truly means and he's unhappy but doesn't want to leave because he knows how hard it would be with DD
How so I stop resenting him for saying these things an get over it if he doesn't mean it?

[theendoftheendoftheend]

Well to begin with you havn't made him say anything, if he has no self control over what he says when he's angry that's really something he needs to deal with himself.

[something2say]

Yes it's name calling isn't it. Either he needs to learn to argue more fairly or he genuinely feels that way...

[theendoftheendoftheend]

However, I have been on the receiving end of it and do do it myself. For me, there is an ounce of truth in what I say but I'm over egging it because I'm angy, sad and looking for an emotional response from the other person telling me exactly what I want to hear to make it all 'OK'. It's very destructive and a big red flag.

[LineRunner]

Oh that sounds horrible. He sounds very childish. As in, arrested development. At about six or seven years old.

Does he take responsibility for anything?

[Hissy]

So he calls you names, and then blames you for the names he chose to call you?

He's not apologising, is he? He's excusing it and piling it on you.

He means it alright.

End it, and mean that!

[Mouldypineapple]

I know what you mean. My dh says hurtful things during a row then the next day refuses to discuss it, says "I've moved on" and I'm left feeling rubbish! He says he doesn't mean half the stuff he says either but...

[theendoftheendoftheend]

I agree with Hissy

The more you try and appease him and change you're behaviour so you don't make him say horrible things to you the worse it will get. Never appologise for making him say those things, it will only get worse.

[BeCool]

It is a weapon he uses against you When it suits him. Then he blames you for it.

[BeCool]

Does he mean those things? Maybe.

He is trying to hurt and undermine you when he says them? 100% yes.

[daiseehope]

Things can't be unheard. Even if he didn't mean it, it will leave a memory.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Whether he means it or not, have a think about the atmosphere in your home that your DD is exposed to on a daily basis. Insults, bickering, , acrimony, blame... Children growing up in that kind of poisonous environment risk being emotionally damaged the way the children of smokers are damaged by breathing in polluted air. If you can't find a way to speak kindly to each other and resolve differences without resorting to name-calling, you haven't got a healthy relationship and DD will suffer.