Husband obsessed with prostitutes

[KatyD4]

My husband has a history of seeing/becoming obsessed with sex workers. Last time I was so devastated that I left him for four months. We are both in our sixties and it's the second marriage for both of us. We've been married for ten years but he has always been involved with other women and they are always 'professionals'. I could cope if it really was just a 'massage' or even full sex and it was a business transaction but he takes them out to dinner, buys them presents and texts them endlessly. He even invited one of them to a garden party at our house. I know when it's happening because he treats me off-handedly and is more critical.

I recently discovered that he had 'lent' one thousand of pounds --over 50 thousand and I left him but he promised to stop seeing her and all other sex workers but now I'm back at home and he's off again with a new one... He likes to advise them as to how they can run their business and make more money and more of themselves. Writing this I know I sound pathetic but I love him. My friend says either leave him or 'put up and shut up'. I feel useless and despairing tonight. Any ideas anyone ?

[YouAreMyRain]

Your friend is right. He will not stop, he has no reason to stop.

What do you get out of this relationship? Why are you with him?

[TheEnchantedForest]

Your friend's advice seems spot on to me!

[newnamesamegame]

This would be a total dealbreaker for me. Being alone would be far, far preferable to this.

There may be women who could make their peace with this but you clearly haven't and its obviously making you unhappy. I can't see any option other than for you to leave him. I would also respectfully suggest you get some counselling to help with your self esteem as you clearly don't value yourself very highly. I hate to think what you have been through that makes you think you deserve this.

[YouAreMyRain]

He is treating you very badly indeed.

[ChangelingToday]

Why do you allow him to treat you like this? You deserve better!

[MostWicked]

And you stay with him because?

[KatyD4]

Thank you all for your support. You're all quite right I know and 'newnamesamegame' has hit the nail on the head. I've had counselling before and she advised me to leave (in a counselling sort of way). Goodnight, sleep well .

[heyday]

You know full well he will never stop. Why should he? He's having a great time.
For goodness sake, get some legal advice, divorce this vulgar man and get every penny out of him that you can.
As soon as you are free, book yourself a holiday, treat yourself to something nice and realise that life can be really good without this vile man dragging you down.
If however, you want to stay with him knowing full well what he has done, and is doing then there is no advice that we can give you other than to get some counselling to discover why you think so little of yourself. I honestly do not understand how any woman would allow her husband to treat her so badly.

[CarryOnDancing]

I don't want to dismiss your difficult situation but my first thought was "this can't be real". Honestly why would anyone put up with this? His behaviour is beyond ridiculous.
This is not normal behaviour or a normal relationship. You really need to remove yourself from this disgusting man.

Let the girls stroke his ego...and whatever else and go and find happiness. There will be no finding it with this man!

I feel embarrassed for him!

[AnyFucker]

Ugh, disgusting man.

How can you breathe the same air as this inadequate piece of shit ?

[kaykayblue]

Why the fuck are you with this man? He is vile.

No one is so pathetic that they need too stay with a man like this. Divorce him for gods sake. And get tested for sti's.

This is the point where you need to look in the mirror and re discover your own self respect.

[happyzapper]

This is wrong.

if your husband isnt treating you like you feel you should leave him.

i am a marrige counseler (among other things) and i recomend you give him divorce papers and move out .if he truly loves you he will completly stop seeing hookers.if hr dosent then you are better off without him.

I have used this method many times and usally results in the man finally seeing that she has to be cherished or she will leave.just the papers alone usally whip them out of it.

[FrankSaysNo]

Lent 50K? Thats a fair bit of money laying round in small change. Quite possibly a harsh assessment but is this why you are with him? Because no self respecting woman would stick around for this sort of treatment. Get some dignity and self respect and end this farcical relationship

[HumblePieMonster]

Divorce him. Get a lawyer with a reputation for getting large settlements. After you get the money, forget he ever existed.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

You'd be ok with it if it was just massages and sex? Really? There's some messed up standards right there. As it is, he respects you less than some shit on his shoe so please, for the love of god, divorce the disgusting fool.

[WhereTheWildlingsAre]

Please leave him. It will be difficult but you will get peace of mind in the end... This is just doing you in

[combust22]

Get rid of him. As soon as possible- why are you even putting up with this?

[Rinkydinkypink]

He's clearly doing wonders for your self-esteem and confidence! You know the answers.

He's not going to change. He treats you appallingly. Are you really going to waste your precious life with him dragging you down?

Stay with him and this will be the rest of your life. Leaving him is hard, very hard but over time you'll gain back your self respect and happiness.

[BobbyGentry]

The chances of STIs being passed on are higher the number of 'ladies' he has been with over the years, not discounting the scores they've been with too. Some STIs can lay dormant so you really need to go, if you haven't already, for a barrage of tests.

You are putting yourself in harms way for what exactly?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'm failing to see how he qualifies as a 'husband'. Men who use prostitutes despise women. They are something to be bought and sold. Expensive pets. He regards you with complete contempt and, even though I suspect you are still there because you fear loneliness rather than because you love him, I hope you find the courage and integrity to end it.

[goldenhairbrushofwesteros]

Ultimately you have to wonder if you'd have known all this about him before you got involved would it have turned you off him. If the answer is yes, then what on earth is it keeping you with him?

I don't think I've ever said it on here before, but you need to leave him for the sake of your own happiness.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

" I could cope if it really was just a 'massage' or even full sex...."

You suggested that you sounded pathetic. You are in the sense that you are deserving of pity. I'm very concerned that you value yourself so low that you believe his behaviour is something to be coped with rather than rejected. What's driving this?

[warysara]

You are all somewhat judging: If there is a lack of intimacy and KatyD4 accepts that her husband can get that elsewhere then fine. Purely a financial transaction with no emotion.

However, this is odd and he appears to be building relationships which is not really on. You need to tell him to stop otherwise (and I can't believe I'm saying this) you need to leave.

[Deluge]

He sounds hideous. A sad old man shagging sex workers and giving them money, while YOU got to counselling and sit at home worrying about the 'relationship'. Its ludicrous and really, terribly damaging for you.

Leave this seedy, sad fucker.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

" If there is a lack of intimacy and KatyD4 accepts that her husband can get that elsewhere then fine"

It's not fine at all. She isn't 'accepting' this stuff, emotionless financial transaction or otherwise, because that suggests she has some choice in the matter. She's in good old fashioned 'stand by your man' surrendered wife territory & thinks she is obliged to cope with his appalling behaviour regardless