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Relationships

How do you stop favouritism from driving you mad?

5 replies

Overreactionoftheweek · 22/07/2014 20:19

So poor old DS (despite being awesome obviously) is very much playing second fiddle to his cousin and it is eating me up!

In laws (FIL and SMIL) are always gushing over my niece (daughter of my bil and his wife), how beautiful she is, how clever, sweet etc etc. whereas they just don't seem to give a shit about DS.

We're all in a whats app group so when we send photos and msgs, we all see them. They comment on every single one of my niece...but barely ever on ones of DS Sad I know it's quite a petty thing to be upset over but it just adds up with them not really giving a shit about him. They're supposed to be seeing us this wkd but have cancelled with a flimsy excuse.

DS is 3 in Oct so he's not aware of it thank god (niece is 18months younger).

I think I'm particularly sensitive to it because my dad favoured my sister's first daughter over my son at the beginning too (she's 5 weeks older and he has a thing about first borns Hmm) that has now improved after I kicked off about it to my mum...but I don't feel like I can do that to my in laws without looking deranged and pathetic! And DH would rather just never see them again!

They're basically nice people so I would feel daft cutting them off entirely but this really hurts and it's causing problems between DH and I because he wants to ignore it whereas I can't really.

Anyone else been in a position like this and have any advice?

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BosieDufflecoat · 22/07/2014 20:36

I'm in a similar position to your son. My father prefers his stepdaughter and her kids to me and mine. My mother prefers my half-sister to me. I have as little as I can to do with either of them because the favouritism makes me feel like shooting myself.

They're basically nice people - no they aren't.

When you say DH would rather never see them again do you mean his parents, or yours?

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GirlWithTheLionHeart · 22/07/2014 20:46

Isn't it just because the other ones younger?

My ds doesn't get a look in next to smaller babes anymore. Not fair but reality I guess

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Overreactionoftheweek · 22/07/2014 21:06

bosie that is so shit Sad I mean DH's parents. He prefers to cut them off rather than deal with it. This probably dates back to his childhood, because, yep you've guessed it, his brother was the favourite (father of the niece).

lionheart it probably is slighter because she's younger...but I'm still pissed off that DS has "aged out" as it were. He's only 3 in October. And I don't know, it does seem more than that. The language they use is totally different too. Both kids had haircuts on the wkd, absolutely no comment on DS's but they raved about DN's , how beautiful it was etc. so I made a passive aggressive comment along the lines of "poor old DS, guess his hair will look better when he learns to sit still for the cut", and even then the most they could say was he looked "smart". And he is cute, honest!

Ugh, I fear that I'm sounding like a petty loon but it's really getting to me and I don't know how to handle it. I've stopped sending photos on the app so at least I don't have to face being ignored!

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Holdthepage · 22/07/2014 21:22

I often wonder when I read these favouritism threads why you don't play them at their own game?

I am sure your ILs would like to hear what superb GPs your parents are, how they just adore your DS & how great they are with him. See how they like it?

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Overreactionoftheweek · 22/07/2014 21:32

That's what my MIL has said to do! (I'm moaning about FIL and SMIL if it's getting confusing) She wants loads of Facebook updates about how awesome she is now Grin it was an amicable divorce and they get on fine but she does love the chance to get one over on her ex!

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