Not sure what to do about new relationship!

[extremepie]

Ex bf (let's call him X) and I broke up a few weeks ago after i found out he cheated :(

Despite intending to stay single and heal for a while I have ended up becoming very close to a male friend which has turned in to a new relationship (let's call him Y).

Y is lovely and we are very similar and compatible in almost every way. X hurt me very badly and we had a up and down relationship but I have managed to forgive him and want us to remain friends if possible.

Y is very unhappy with the idea of me staying in contact with X, to the extent he said he would end things if I still talked to him so I said I wouldn't but in all honestly ever since he said that I have been missing X badly. I don't necessarily want him back but I do want him in my life still, he was my friend before he became my boyfriend and I don't have many friends as it is so I guess I'm struggling to let go of him in that sense.

I don't want to upset Y but am struggling with giving up X and not sure what to do or what it all means. On paper is seems obvious that I should just be done with X completely and move on with Y but for some reason it's not that simple at the moment! I know X wants me back which is part of Y's reservations with me talking to him but I want to pursue a relationship with Y, not with X and I want him to trust me. On the other hand, X will be really upset if I cut him off completely and stop talking to him because I have a new bf :/

The way I see it I have a few options: never speak to X again and try to get over it, speak to X discretely and not tell Y about it or just break things off with both of them and be alone for a while to give myself the time and space to figure out what I really want out of life and how best to make myself happy!

Don't know what to do! Want to keep everyone, including myself, happy but it seems that won't be possible :(

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Do you think you're ready for a relationship with Y? It was only a few weeks ago that you broke up with X as he was cheating.

I'm guessing X hurt you badly so I don't know why you would want to remain in contact with him but if you do, I would let Y go. It's not fair on him.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

On the other hand, X will be really upset if I cut him off completely and stop talking to him because I have a new bf

Missed this bit! It's none of his business, he cheated on you, the relationship is over.

I think you need to take a break from X and Y and spend some time on your own, clear your head and decide what you want.

[Dirtybadger]

Last option. Be done with both of them (romantically) and spend some time alone. There was a reason that was your plan originally.

[sykadelic]

I agree with Y that you shouldn't be in contact with X. You only recently broke up. It's impossible to be totally over him by that time.

Also, jumping into a new relationship before you're feeling more healed can result in you doing, or agreeing with, or disagreeing with, things that you normally would/wouldn't.

[FreudianGymSlip]

On paper it looks like you should give them both up, rethink how high you set the bar upon friendships and spend some time on your own. Neither of them look especially good bets in the bf stakes IMO. The first cheated and the second wants to tell you who you can and can't talk to.

Life's too short for trying to ensure everyone else's happiness at the expense of your own.

[WildBillfemale]

I don't understand this need to stay in touch with X this 'great fantastic' friend who abused your trust by cheating on you. Walk away, he's not your friend anymore. X can be as upset as he likes about your new boyfriend, your life is nothing to do with him now.

I understand Y wondering why you want to keep in touch with your ex when X screwed you over.

You need to clear the decks to make room for a new relationship to grow and flourish, if old ghosts are still hanging around you hamper your future.


(different if you have kids)

[zippey]

Sounds like you are not over X and that Y is the rebound relationship. You are probably best taking a break rather than having all this drama in your life.

[extremepie]

I was thinking that that might be the best option (number 3 that is!) :/ Don't know how to say something to Y to let him know though, he will be really upset if I break things off and I do genuinely feel that we could have a future, I just think I need more time but it all sounds so horribly cliched!

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

X hurt you so I think as friends go he was a pretty shit one. Talking to him secretly will give him a buzz. It's staying friends with people like him that gives them the idea whatever they do however selfish or callous is all right by us. So they keep trampling their way through life.

Y might mean well but hello! Telling you who you may speak to? That's not on.

Drop both and be by yourself for a while. Build up other friendships.

[maras2]

Despite him being a cheat,I think that you really want X back.Anyway,how are feeling these days?You were very stressed with the kids etc after finding out that X had cheated.Hope that you cope ok during the long summer break. Mx.

[PlantsAndFlowers]

Option 3

[wickedwitchofwaterloo]

While I think you are definitely not over X and need some time to yourself, it really isn't up to Y to tell you who you can talk to.

He is basically emotionally blackmailing you and from bitter experience, this sets a dangerous precedence for your future relationship.

Option 3. Forget them both x

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

You need. Lot longer than a few weeks to get over X so you were very wrong to start something with Y.
However, Y has no right to make claims on your time after being your boyfriend for 5 minutes.
You're all behaving quite immaturely.

[Cantbelievethisishappening]

To be frank, you sound like a bit of a flake. You are prepared to stay friends with someone who cheated on you? Er, why?
It sounds to me you are stressing about trying to keep these two happy in a rather door mattish kind of way.
How about YOU decide what YOU want to do regardless of the pressure these two man children seem to be putting you