I don't know where to start, me, my mental illness and my mother have finally pushed my DP of 22 years away. He is DD2's dad and she adores him, i don't know if she would be better with him?
But what the fuck do i do? Ive no money, no job (one of the reasons he has had enough of me), no where to go. We own our house but are in mortgage arrears (not seriously but enough to mean selling is out of the question). We were getting back on our feet financially.
My mother is behind this final straw. I ordered her a washing machine online, she hates it, my fault bla bla bla. Screaming at me down the phone. I go round today to take her dog out - she is "ill" on the sofa. Ive made her ill apprently by ordering such a shit washing machine. You couldnt make it up. Also she is seething with jealousy becuase i have been helping out a friend by walking her dog - my friend pays me to do this and has just had a mastectomy so i have been supporting her until her family could come from over seas. My mum says im only worried about other people. My friend could die ffs!! I felt good helping my friend but i knew there would be trouble over it. So basically today she told me she wants no more to do with me bla bla bla - again! Its DD's birthday on wednesday and there will be no present because I haven't organised it because im too busy running after other people. My running after other people this week ironically hasn't been walking my friends dog but working with DP, shifting untold weight - i literally nearly collapsed on the job, i was so exhausted on friday.
All of this resulted in me having a panic attack on the beach and phoning DP and screaming at him down the phone. I was wrong wrong wrong - he has had enough has been short with me all day. It all kicked off again tonight as my mother summoned me and whilst i thought, don't jump for her, i went running as i wanted to smooth things over before DD's birthday, i don't care about presents but want her to have a nice day. So i came back and banged on the door harder than i should have, dp went ballistic so i just sat down and did rainbow loom with DD. which inevitably went wrong as i am totally cack handed.
The long and the short of it- DP has had enough and we are finished. its my dd's birthday in two days, I don't think i can hold it together and i just want to die really. my fucking mental health has prevented me from getting a job as i just get too anxious and the last time i worked i had a nervous breakdown. I am weak and pathetic and its ruined not only my life but his too. It will ruin my daughters life as well.
I don't know what to do. Please someone help me
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I think ive finally managed to push him away
19 replies
LEMmingaround · 21/07/2014 22:40
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