Did I do the right thing blocking him?

[MrQ1a]

I was dumped around a year ago from a LTR without any warning signs in a way that devastated me. The reason he gave was pressures of step parenting my special needs child. He did it by email and disappeared from my life overnight as if our 3 year relationship (we lived together) never even happened.

I was recovering and grieving and about 9 months later I met someone else and it was a bit like re-living history. Everything going wonderfully for 3 months, he was saying he thought I was the one and then out of nowhere the fact that I had a kid was too much for him and he ended it. Again, by email.

In both cases it went from bliss to hell in 24 hours which I think was hard on me as it felt like going through it all over again and could not believe it was happening.

With the benefit of hindsight, I did like the second guy very, very much and was really sad to lose him and can't seem to shake this sadness.

I am 2 months on from the second dumping and the bloke in question still stayed in my life and frequently contacts me and sends mixed messages. Friends frequently say to me that it's very obvious he still likes me and my hopes are constantly being put up because of this.

I sent him an email to basically let him know I still liked him and was sorry it didn't work out and he sent a very nice reply to say he liked me as much as I liked him and that if the situation had been diferrent he felt it would have worked out. Not the response I wanted but at least it was nice.

I was out last night and I realised that the texts from this man seem to affect my mood enormously and that I was harbouring hopes of him changing his mind. I had very deep feelings for him and couldn't shake them off.

I decided tonight to delete his number, block him, unfriend him on Facebook and just did all these things and am really panicking about what he will think or do when he sees. I feel like in doing it I made myself look an idiot.

Not usually my style as it feels dramatic but I couldn't bear the fact that I was constantly checking his page and seeing what he was doing and that this was making it impossible to forget him. Also could not take the feeling that I was begging for scraps.

I just wondered if anyone felt I have over reacted, or if I had done the right thing? If I have done the right thing, what do I do if he contacts me by email or something to ask what happened? Should I just be honest and say sorry but I still have feelings for you and seeing your face pop up every second of every day makes it hard to move on?

I just feel embarrassed and unclear.

Also feel pretty unsure I will ever meet anyone who will love me and take on my child as well , who has at best very mild special needs and is a really lovely, polite and charming kid who would love any man in my life because he has a huge heart.

I'm not expecting anyone to be his Dad. Just want someone to love me back properly.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Of course you've done the right thing. The second guy was stringing you along by carrying on the contact after he'd dumped you in a pretty cold way. You owe him nothing and you need to put him in the past.

Beyond that, I'm sorry that your experiences have knocked your confidence because you and your DC are a family and someone should see it as a privilege to be part of your family one day. You are not a burden to be 'taken on'. Always remember that.

[Opinionated7]

It takes a lot to do what you did, and well done, it is the best way forward without a doubt.

Time is the best healer is what I would say to you right now. It does ring very true during a break up.

[Anniegetyourgun]

I do think you've done the right thing for your own emotional health, which you must. For goodness' sake don't send him that mushy text about still having feelings. It's not good enough to like you if he doesn't like the fact that you have a dependent child, because that is you, and some would say, one of the best things about you. Not everyone could hack it, which doesn't of itself make them bad people at all; but going on about "if things were different" knowing they can't be, keeping you dangling, is just unfair. It's almost as though he were wishing your precious boy out of existence.

I really hope the next person you get together with turns out to be as nice at heart as this one appeared to be (but can't have been).

[aturtlenamedmack]

You've definitely done the right thing.
Well done, you were very brave

[CharlotteCollins]

Very sensible thing to do.

If he emails you to ask why, you could say, "I'm moving on. I wish you all the best."

[CatteLady]

Good thing to do! I've often wished I'd blocked people earlier!

Well done, and I hope you find someone lovely soon.

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

You have 100% done the right thing OP, well done to you for being so strong. He obviously wasn't the right person for you if he was put off by your son. When the right one does come along, the fact that your son has SN won't faze them. I hope things work out for you.

[Meerka]

I think that is was a good idea to block him.

it might have been better to have sent a message along the lines that because you can't be together and that is rather painful, you're making the decision that it's better not to stay in touch. That might have made you feel better about blocking him. But if it's not going to happen between you, then it's better to make the cut clean like you have and look forward.

[MrQ1a]

Thanks for the replies. Horrible feeling in my stomach about it all. Just wish I'd never met him!

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

You did well. And yes, if he contacts you, just use CharlotteCollin's line. Keep it short and sweet.

If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, you would be right now.

Keep strong!

[HellonHeels]

You've definitely done the right thing. He dumped you by email - that's a really crappy thing to do. Do you think he was fretting over that the way you're worrying about blocking him / deleting him from FB etc. now? You owe him absolutely nothing.

Hope you feel better about things very quickly. Have a huge WELL DONE from me.

[ChanelNo19]

I agree with cogito,. don't be sorry you ever met him though because you'll have learnt from this that falling for somebody (or, how hard you fall for somebody) isn't the best measure of how well a relationship will work or how happy it will make you. As long as you learn that you're entitled to ask for what will suit you and your son and that it's not unreasonable to have a high bar yourself, then there's no reason to regret the experience.

Hopefully after all the thoughts have settled you'll believe that he wasn't right for you. I can't imagine how ONE child with very mild sn could really scare away a decent, intelligent man who was mature enough to realise that every relationship will require a few sacrifices and compromises! If your lovely little boy is what scared this man away then he definitely definitely wasn't right for you.

I agree with the others to block him. I have been flamed for saying this in the past but I don't think you should necessarily 'reward' others with your company, thoughts & messages once they have chosen to reject you. I mean, if you are happy to be relegated to friend then fine but if not, if it feels like a rejection then don't stay in his life.

[ChanelNo19]

Totally agree with Anniegetyourgun. In fact years ago I would have felt that my children were liabilities in a dating jungle (and I didn't date) but now I would feel that they're built-in litmus test to scare away flakes. Never apologise for having children.

[MrQ1a]

Yes, I know it's not a case of apologising for having them. I'd never dump someone because they had kids unless I didn't like them that much to begin with.

Maybe that is the answer

[Jan45]

OP, this man dumped you because of your child and you are worrying about what he thinks, seriously, forget about him and yes you have done the right thing, learn from this, don't believe anyone's words if there's no actions to back them up.

[Frogisatwat]

There was a lovely article in my favourite newspaper the daily mail about a woman and her special needs son finding lasting love. If I can find it and do a link I will!

[MrQ1a]

well, he didnt contact me so maybe he will just leave it. never blocked anyone in my life. Feels really teenage

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

It's not teenage, it's actually quite a sensible approach. In the olden days, if you didn't want to talk to someone after a break-up, you could let the phone go to the answering machine, put unwanted letters on the fire, walk out of the door and go do something more interesting. These days we are permanently and personally contactable via phones, e-mails and social media and it takes intervention to achieve the same thing

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

Agree with cog. You've done well. The 'teenage' thing would be to stay in contact, have loads of angst, jealousy, fury, pretend to be friends, etc, etc.

You are now free to move on!

[Diagonally]

Yes you did the right thing. And I would go as far as to say if he does contact you again, just don't reply.

I've wasted monumental amounts of time in the 'friend zone' with exes in the past and nothing helps you move on quicker than complete no contact.

If you are a thoughtful and caring person it feels awkwardly selfish to do this but you have a right to put yourself first.

In a week or two I bet you'll feel liberated by your decision.

[LuluJakey1]

You have definitely done the right thing. He needs to leave you alone if he doesn't want you. And he doesn't sound like someone you want in your life. The best way to get over him is to Detach! Detach! Detach! And that is what you are doing. Don't torture yourself anymore. You deserve better. Move on.

[crazylady321]

You have done the right thing, you cant fully get over anyone while they are still contacting you and sending false hopes, trust me Ive been there. Try not to worry and if he is a truly decent guy im sure he will understand your reasons

[MrQ1a]

I guess that's it. If they want you they chase you don't they.

[MrQ1a]

I definitely WAS spending a lot of time feeling like he wanted me and if I only engineered it this way or that way it would be a fairytale ending but I found that I was just obsessing on it.

In my defence, everyone around us could not figure him out either. He sent very mixed messages.

I was just not liking who I was becoming, letting some guy give me such a head fuck.

I actually think he is a commitment phobe. History is there.

[MrQ1a]

Feel awful now though. Sort of embarrassed (because me doing that showed I cared more than I had let on) and because I'd agreed to be friends with us chatting the day before about meeting up (because this makes me look unstable) but then I suppose what he thinks doesn't really matter.

He definitely should have thought about whether or not he could live with my situation BEFORE he started shagging me and that part annoys me. Feel violated / used.

Also...it's torture not knowing what he is doing. I suppose that wears off though