I LTB'd - handhold? Rather urgently?

[JustDontWantToSay]

For those who saw my previous thread - I did it. In a wimpy way, but I did it. I replied to an email that he was waiting for a reply to with an honest response that I knew would make him finish with me. I wouldn't have dared do that in the past I would have said all the right things to make it better. But I've reached that point now.

So..... Positive stories please!

Ps. This isn't a poor me thread, it's a forced but genuine smile through the tears and asking those of you who have experience that I will once again go back to being me and one day be with someone who loves me for who I am.

[AlfAlf]

Well done sweets, onwards and upwards for you. Stay strong x

[whattodoforthebest2]

Well done - you did what was right for you. Never mind how, it's done and you're on the other side. Keep going, you'll be so glad you did.

[Fairy13]

I don't know your story my love.

But I will tell you this.

I left in DEC. It was the hardest, but best thing I ever, ever did.
I am a better person, better mother, back to my old self.

It has been bloody tough, but I don't regret it at all.

Well done.

Life is too short to stay with the wrong person, in an unhappy relationship.

Xx

[JustDontWantToSay]

Sorry, back story is here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2115230-Pretty-desperate-v-v-v-long

I think I've done the right thing. I hope I have. I have about 5 million doubts rattling through my mind now - the main one being - am I deluded?? Am I abusive?? Have I gone mad and just can't recognise it?

[Joysmum]

Could somebody link to the previous thread please.

[myroomisatip]

You know what, I think that the fact that you are having these doubts just prove that you have done the right thing. I know it seems arse about face, but underneath you know what is right, which is why you have acted. The fact that you are having doubts is because of the effect the relationship has had on you.

In life nothing is really black and white, but I feel you have followed your gut instinct, you just need your head/heart to catch up.

:) And if that does not make sense then sorry, I just got in from work, am knackered :) I still think you did the right thing and you will be ok!

[JustDontWantToSay]

thank you myroom :) I think you're right. For now I'm just so FUCKING ANGRY that I've let myself be treated like that - and the fact that I have spent/lent literally £1000s on that bastard. Oh and compromised myself in every which way you can imagine, cried hundreds of needless tears and accommodated some appalling behaviour.
Can you tell I'm feeling bitter?!

Joysmum- I put the link in belatedly, sorry.

[vicmackie]

Holy shit, WELL DONE! Amazing news!

WRT the anger about the shit you've put up with, yep, it'll probably get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. So much better. It's going to hurt and be hard for a while but just have faith and stick with it - do not take him back, and do not embark on a new relationship, no matter what - and in a month you will be feeling lighter and thinking more clearly. In two months you'll feel like you've walked out of a thick fog. In six months you'll be that you ever put up with his shit.

You've done the hardest part. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and do not go back.

[Lweji]

Well done. :)

Keep strong.

[YouAreMyRain]

Well done. Stay strong. Do not go back. Ever. He is a nasty bastard and if you cave and let him back into your life it will get worse.

You are very strong and brave

[LittlePeaPod]

I just wanted to say well done for having the strength to LTB. I can assure you it will only have got worse, he would have continued and eventually probably got alot more physically abusive. That's not saying the emotional and verbal abusive you endured is any easier or better.

I grew up in an abusive home. Some of the things you say in the previous thread really struck home. I remember my evil bastard of a step father saying and doing similar things to my mother. I also remember him beating her.. Like you my mother had the courage to leave and it wasn't easy but to this day she says its the best thing she ever did for herself and her children. My step father did all sorts to try and get my mother back, including sitting in his car outside our home for hours, one of the times he tracked us down. We never felt totally safe until we heard he had died. I popped a bottle of champagne the day I heard. I could go on but I won't.

It doesn't matter how your relationship ended. It's over. No more been throw out in the middle of the night, no more been pushed about, shoved and called nasty names. He will probably try to find a way of getting you back. Be strong and every day it will get easier. I want you to know it does get better. Try to stay strong. I really wish you and your DC all the best. Well done Op.

[nespressofan]

You are a stalwart for the mn community. Be proud of raising your kids and leave the rest behind. Good for you. What you have achieved makes me feel very small. Thank you and God bless.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Well done for leaving. Hope you and your DC are in a nice safe place and can get on with rebuilding your lives. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is make yourself a firm promise that you will not date or have any kind of sexual or romantic relationships for at least a year. Use that year to get some counselling - maybe Freedom Programme? - and to work on your boundaries and your self esteem. Learn to appreciate how fabulous it is to be single. There is so much more to life than hooking up with a rubbish man.

[vicmackie]

make yourself a firm promise that you will not date or have any kind of sexual or romantic relationships for at least a year

Absolutely agree with this. It may sound preposterous but just try it.

[Zazzles007]

Well done for leaving that horrid, abusive, head-fuck of a bastard. You won't know yourself in a short time and will wonder what the hell ever attracted you to him in the first place.

And yes to loving yourself, and furthermore, setting higher standards in the type of people you choose to be around. You deserve much, much better than that.

[Strokethefurrywall]

Well done OP, that anger will stop you from going back to him!

Take a deep breath of the free air - this is the first step on the road to your incredible new life!

[mrsbrownsgirls]

wonderful!

[justiceofthePeas]

Well done.
Try not to beat yourself up too much.
It's bygones. Work on your boundaries and stick to them a d rejoice in your freedom.

[GarlicJunoWho]

YOU DID IT!!!! :D Oh, well done

So did he go, or you? Are you physically secure?

[Caramelle]

Here to hold your hand and say well done. I don't know your back story, do you have DC? Have you left the home or has he?

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

Bloody brilliant. Well done.
But he will try to worm his way back in. He won't give up control of you that easily. You need a strategy to stay strong and remain no contact.

[GoldfishCrackers]

Nice work! That's brilliant news! Do you have RL support? Are you safe?
You are not deluded, you really have made the right decision. You may feel like utter shit at the moment, with your head whirling with 'shoulda woulda coulda's, but the important thing to remember is that despite him trying to crush the 'you' out of you, it didn't work! You were able to stand up and say no more, and you're free!

[gamerchick]

I remember your thread good for you.

However since he's done the dumping he's going to expect you to take him back going in your other thread, when you've been properly punished type of thing.

Hopefully he'll just bugger off but enjoy telling him to knob off if you have to.

[BanjoKazooie]

I actually thought the last thread was a troll thread as your replies were so, so irrational and defensive of the relationship. I'm sorry about that. I guess it was just part of the process of you coming to terms with things and a result of the 'abuse'

I am so glad that you have finished with him. I hope everything works out ok for you. I also agree with everyone that you might want to take a long break from dating and just concentrate on yourself and your children.

I know it's hard but you shouldn't beat yourself up over this (no pun intended ) It's only been a few years of your life and it's history now. Learn from it but don't agonise over it.

Good luck

[LittlePeaPod]

I actually thought the last thread was a troll thread as your replies were so, so irrational and defensive of the relationship. I'm sorry about that.

Banjo having read the previous thread, there were a few people that said/wrote some unkind things. I really hope they follow your mature and excellent example, apologise and take ownership.