I need to leave my husband and i need some people to talk to. English is not my first language so I hope you can understand me ok.
I have 1 son he is 11 and with a man in my country but we haven't seen his dad from when he was 2 years old. I have a little girl and she is 5 month with my husband.
I came to this country 3 and a half years before and left my son for 1 year with my mother. when my son was with my mother i was working full time and extra time in a factory to make good money to save so I can bring my son to England. When i have been in England for 3 months I met the man who is now my husband.After one month he tells me he has no passport for this country, I didn't know before because he has a shop. we stay together and he helped me to bring my son here and we rent on flat together and make apply to home office for his passport.
When my son come to England I stopped working extra time and just working about 30-35 hours in a week and apply for child benefit and tax credit and also help to pay rent. Because my husband have no passport he told me could not apply for this with me so it is just my name. we start to fight after a few months normally about money. If I need help for bills we fight and he says he have no money but he have shop. we also fight because he was always out late, maybe 2 or 3 in the morning. I think he cheated on me but i don't know.
All the time when we fight he says I want to spend all his money. this is not true just ask for help with bills and food because he is using this things to. when we fight he just takes his keys and go out. he will not answer phone and comes back after 2 days. he makes me to think it is my problem why we fight.
Last year i find out I am pregnant. we fight because he tell me I must kill this baby and i said no. we fight to much for this and he hit me. when my son is going to school he tell his teacher and i had to go to school and talk with them. Because i not kill the baby he said we must marry from the mosqe in are town so we did next day. his paper work come back from home office and they didn't give to him visa so his lawyer tell him get marry in register office and my new apply so we did.
When was pregnant i was to sick and not feeling very good so i hear about this maternity allowance and get paper to apply from job centre. I didn't know i must wait until am 6/7 months to apply for this and i already quit my job so i had just child benefit and tax credit also my money council pay for rent stop. again we fight to much for this problem because my husband is not happy to pay for rent and bills he say he have no money but he buy another shop with his friend so he now have 2 shop he shares with someone else. he hit me one time when we fight and try to push me down steps in the flat when i am 6 months pregnant.
we move to another house because before the flat is to small for another baby. it is 3 bedroom and £140 more but he says e want to move here because he can have bedroom for himself but all the time he is angry to spend money and i don't understand why. one month before my baby is born he get his visa from home office and he tell me hurry up to born the baby because he wants to visit his family. he didn't see them for 9 years. when i have the baby he is not happy she is a girl. he say people in his country just like boys. he not hold her or feed her or even help me keep house clean. when my baby is 3 weeks old he by a ticket and go to see his family for 2 months.
i feel very stupid now i let him come back to this house. he still is out all the time until late, we fight all the time, when i ask for help he tell me if i can't look after baby and house send my baby for his mum. I am scared he will take her one day even tough he not old her or anything still.
He must pay for rent because the council tell me they not pay for me now because i not been here for 5 years. even tough my husband has visa and national insure number he will not give me this number so i still have to make apply for child benefit and tax credit on my own. i know this i wrong very wrong but if i not do this i have no money for food or bill but he buy car for £6000 but i ask for £10 to buy baby milk and he is shouting to me. one time i just eat breakfast cereal for 2 day because i have no food and i must save food for my son.
I can't leave him because council said they not help me to pay rent. I can't pay by myself because i am not working. I ask him i like to work and maybe council will help me a little if i also have job but he said no because i must look after baby and house not him and i ask him pay for nursey for baby so i can work he say no and i don't have money for first month nursey.
I think i hear womens aid not accept you if you have a boy who is to old and i don't know what to do because even they let me take my son or i find somewhere else the council not help me for rent if not have job and i can't have job because no one to look after my baby.
I am stuck and i don't know what i can do. can anybody tell me if there is another charity that will help me with a 11 year boy?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
i want to leave my husband but i can't
canyouhelpmeplease · 25/06/2014 18:42
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