I'm such a feeble person- grr

[C0rdelia]

When I was at boarding school I sent letters home saying what a great time I was having because I didn't want to upset anyone. My parents saw me, one holiday, and I was skin and bones. They swooped in and took me out.

I'm doing the same thing now but no-one sees the back of my teeth and the covered wounds.

[letitgoletitgoletitgo]

Hi just read your post. Although you dont say a lot about exactly whats going on , you sound very low. Have you got anyone at all to talk to in real life? The samaritans are good, you can email and stay anonymous. Or gp perhaps ?

[Obstacles]

Could you write a letter or an email to someone who cares? You could write it here and someone will be here to hold you hand. I'm really sorry you are being ill treated. You don't deserve it, nobody deserves to be hurt.

[VitoCorleone]

What's going on OP? There is always somebody here to listen x

[Kleptronic]

You're not feeble, you're in some kind of turmoil and you don't know how to deal with it. You're suffering. That is not feeble. That's a person in pain. Can you tell us something of how you're feeling?

[AnonButRegular]

Op you aren't feeble. Can you post what's going on?

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

You sound like you are in pain. Do you feel able to explain your pain here? We are here to listen.

[DaddyBeer]

I think she may have anorexia or bulimia and also be self-harming. Is that it OP?

[C0rdelia]

If somebody could come and say, "it's ok now, it's over", I would thank them. If I could just walk out of the door, like I never got the plane to school, that's what I would like to do.

Yes, daddy beer.

[C0rdelia]

I don't like my husband anymore. I don't like being at home anymore.

[C0rdelia]

I am ok, just too much of a wuss to go. Don't need to respond, posting was good. :-)

[DaddyBeer]

Can you say a bit more? What's been happening lately? I will check back with you in the morning, have to be up v early..

[Kleptronic]

Ah C0rdelia you don't have it easy then. So you are struggling with eating and self-harming, and you're not happy in your relationship? You do sound very low right now.

[Kleptronic]

It's a good thing that you've posted here, it's a way of setting stuff down. Have you got anyone you can talk with about stuff in real life?

[C0rdelia]

I do have someone to speak to about 'coping mechanisms' but why do all these mechanisms to train your brain when your body is ignoring it?

I've felt better just posting but there is a Market out there for 'separation organisers' like the wedding ones, everything is sorted out for you. Sign me up now.

[C0rdelia]

Been to GP and she agrees with the coping stuff. I was hoping I'd get some sort of long term sick note.

[C0rdelia]

Not from work, I hasten to add.

[Kleptronic]

So do you feel disassociated from your body? If so I think that's a part of it all, having an eating disorder, using self-harm to cope, I'm in no way an expert but I expect you're depressed too? I hope the coping mechanism person is skilled and supporting you.

So you want to split up from your husband? You can do that. It's never easy but if it's the right thing for you, then can you/have you talked about it with him?

[CharlotteCollins]

Sounds like you want someone else to organise your life. I wanted that too. I wanted someone to give me permission to leave my H and sort everything out for me.

Nobody did. I made the decision in the end. Felt feeble as anything - worried, confused, anxious, fairly sure I was headed for disaster.

A year down the line, I'm used to making decisions for myself and I enjoy it. The thing that surprised me was that nobody (apart from my H) judged the decisions I made, mostly people were more supportive than I expected, and the outside world allowed me to make decisions. I can't explain why I didn't expect that, but it was a shock for some time. I left my H, got a new place - no comeback. I bought some things - everybody still happy. It was weird. It was great, too.

[CharlotteCollins]

Oh, and when I made a decision that I later felt was the wrong one, the world didn't end. It was ok. That surprised me, too!

[Monty27]

Start tomorrow to control you're own happiness.

[DaddyBeer]

Cordelia have you talked to your husband about how you feel? Is he sympathetic at all? And here I mean because you do sound low, separate issue from why you want to leave.

And on that note, are you safe? And here I mean are you having any serious thoughts about yourself? Bit worried about you, be good to hear what your okay is.

[Kleptronic]

Hope you're ok C0rdelia.

[DaddyBeer]

Same. Will be keeping an eye on your thread, and sure Kleptronic will be too.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Hello love, what's the house and job situation? Are you working and is the house rented or mortgaged?

[Kleptronic]

Thinking of you C0rdelia. Hope you're in a bit better place head wise.