Ok, I know I'm going to get utterly flamed for this but I need to get it out.
When I was at college(I was 17) over a decade ago I met a guy who I had a huge crush on, he was a few years older then me and had a girlfriend so I never thought anything would come of it but we became friends and I got on well with him and his girlfriend. We used to go to the gym together the three of us, sometimes just me and him. I used to try and impress in the gym(lifting heavier weights, trying new exercises etc). Unbeknown to me at the time this guy actually has a bit of a fetish for women exercising and seeing them struggle.....
Anyway towards the end of the school year he gave me a lift home one day, came in for a drink and a chat convinced me to do some exercises with him, one thing led to another and we slept together. It wasn't really that great was a one off and that was that I thought we'd stay friends. By this point I was dating my now DH, DH didn't like him and he didn't like DH so friendship eventually petered out.
However, over the years we have on occasion got back into contact, he confessed his fetish to me and ultimately for the last 7 or 8 years we've had a bit of an on again off again affair. Whereby we've met I've done things that he fantasised about and we've had sex. In all honesty I don't know why I kept going back, even though at times I was really uncomfortable with what he wanted I couldn't find a way to say no to him. We'd have no contact for months, then he'd text and I'd be that teenager again desperate to impress.
The last time we were together he was really quite rough during sex and I vowed never to see him again, I knew I was risking my marriage every time I lied and made an excuse to see OM and I felt sick at the thought of what DH finding out would mean OM is not someone I want to spend my life with.
OM has an obsession with us seeing each other 'one last time' because he wants me to do a 'killer workout' as that will be the biggest turn on he's ever seen. I've kept texting him, honestly, I'm not sure why, but every time he's asked to meet I've made an excuse not to see him.
So last week we were fb messaging then I suddenly get a text saying his wife has found the messages. I say hope he's alright and can sort it I'm sorry etc etc. I also immediately delete his number, delete and block him and his wife on mine and my DH Facebook. I honestly have never felt so ill and really realised just exactly what I was risking and knew how much I could loose.
Then today I get a text from him, although I deleted his number I didn't
T block it, knew it was him from the message. Said I was surprised to hear from him. He asked why??? A bit of back and forth and turns out he's convinced his DW we have never had sex and seems to think we'll just carry on? I don't want that, this was my out but he keeps going on about one last time. Today's conversation ended when I said he needs to tell his wife his fantasies and ask her to fulfil I wasn't going to do it anymore.
I know I'm right but Christ he is deluded isn't he? I really need to stand firm on this but I've never ever been able to say no in this kind of situation, I'm assuming the inability I have goes back to previous sexual abuse and a 'relationship' I had with a teacher from when I was about 12 - 16. In all honesty OM was the first 'normal' man to show an interest and I so desperately wanted to be normal.
But how can I stop being that teenager?
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He's deluded isn't he?
Something4theweekend · 06/06/2014 23:05
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