Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

[LadyGardenersQuestionTime]

What a lucky woman you are to have this man for your stbxh. And I mean that most sincerely.

[WellWhoKnew]

Ah, but I've just realised that STBXH is not how I should be referring to him.

He is a merer TBXH, as soon is not gonna happen, is it?

No wonder he is divorcing me: I can't even figure out what to call him.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

for you

How are you about it all?

[WellWhoKnew]

Thanks for asking.

Last week the answer is different every ten minutes.

Although since I've got myself a solicitor, it's more hourly.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

I really feel for you, it is very early days and you need time to let things sink in a little. Don't be hurried along by his seemingly 'considerate' actions. Your OP says that you certainly have your head screwed on as far as that is concerned.

Take this at your pace.

I imagine you are going through a hundred different emotions all throughout the day, I've been there and 8 months on, it still happens but it is less each day now.

Do you have RL support?

[WellWhoKnew]

No RL support but one step at a time.

But I got me a SHL (he doesn't yet know).

I'll be fine. It's only in divorce you see the value of the person that you married. Both financially and morally.

Well, who knew!

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Perfect name, sadly we do find out eventually.

Having a SHL does help, let them take the burden off you as much as possible.

[akaWisey]

I know WhoKnew. Clearly it's time for HIM to adopt YOUR NN .

[FolkGirl]

It's only in divorce you see the value of the person that you married. Both financially and morally.

So, so, true!

[WellWhoKnew]

Dear STBXH who won't be soon enough,

I'm sorry that you've wasted your money on the solicitor that you selected for, signing away my rights with the paperwork that you filled in on my behalf. Pray tell, when will I be seeing the paperwork? How well did you copy my signature, I wonder - you were always more artistic than I.

I note your ticking off in your last email for me wasting my money on a solicitor of my own choosing, but I need you to realise that when you fucked off out the door, your also took with you your perceived rights to tell me what to do, think and say.

Thank you for the maintenance that you have offered to pay for three months. It's exactly half my outgoings. I note you are now asking for 70% of the assets in my name.

If I'm learning this right, next time I do something you disapprove of, will your claim you go up more? Would you mind choosing the rock under which I should crawl? I realise I'm asking a favour here.

Belatedly, I must say, thank you for tidying up our office before you left I only just noticed. A bit unfortunate you didn't get all the paperwork though. Would you like me to send it on to you? Only I don't know where you are living so it's difficult.

"Scan it!" I hear you say?

The scanner has given up the ghost apparently. Well, actually, it's more that when I type your email address it comes up [email protected] even though I definitely am typing your name.

I have started to tell people in real life, which I'm finding difficult. Thanks for the humiliation, a bit of humble in my life will no doubt teach me some kind of lesson.

Lesson 1: Your husband is a coward.

I have also had to tell your family as it seemed wrong to continue to pretend everything was okay. Forgive me, I was brought up not to deceive.

Just one question if I may: you were the one who left, who decided I wasn't enough anymore. How did that morph in to me being the most despicable person to have graced this planet?

And yet you implore me in emails to be reasonable in between your streams of consciousness, fuelled, no doubt, by some bar room barrister.

Your not soon to be ex wife.

[Smokinmirrors]

Love it! You are brilliant. I hope you are actually sending them. What are you up to now? have you got some and (there is no chocolate emoticon which is outrageous.

Your STBXH is going to have to eat a fucking LOT of humiliating pie when he reads the book you are going to write...

[KissesBreakingWave]

Make sure you print out the emails he's sending you. They may be useful, they may not, but as a rule of thumb, the win in court goes to the party wth the best documented chain of evidence. Get some ringbinders, keep everything in date order. Lawyers like things in reverse date order, most recent at the front.

[WellWhoKnew]

No, I'm firmly in the no contact camp. This is my mind dump to get me through the horror of the situation (sorry to disappoint) - but ultimately I know the lack of response directly will serve well.

I have wine.

This is merely an outlet to help me cope. Life is sheer shite right now but as my friend said 'you're our superwoman' so how the hell does this happen to you.

This is my kryptonite.

[WellWhoKnew]

Yes, the great thing about no contact, is that the other party fills the need to fill the void via email.

Whatever is going on, my not soon to be ex-husband has it in his head he will decide irrespective of the law.

I am in for a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong divorce. This is me being no contact, trying to just cope with the horror of it all.

[Smokinmirrors]

It's a great way to cope. I reckon it will be over quicker than you think. They hate the no contact kryptonite treatment. It just makes them angry and feel out of control so they start ceding power.

Keep at it.

My ex said in an email "so this is your teflon self. You're never going to ask me to come back are you"

No. I wasn't. Fuck off.

And yes it was a horrible car crash of a year.

Ok two years.

But at least he fucked off.

[Cabrinha]

It's so much easier not to want then back when they helpfully show their aresholian selves.
Have you contacted the solicitor he chose for you, by letter, to tell them he forged your signature? A paper trail on that could be useful.
Mine sent a forged document too (financials, not signature) - it was a turning point for me. The comment above about the financial and moral worth. There was something about tippexing out numbers that REALLY made me realise he was an out and out indecent shit.

[WellWhoKnew]

Dear not soon to be ex-husband,

My solicitor is writing to you this week to thank you for your recent correspondence. You wrote to her to dictate the terms of our divorce. I took the liberty to forward to her the four emails you sent to me.

She said some very unkind things about you. Ordinarily, I would have defended you. Only she is now defending me.

My solicitor is costing just over £300 per hour. I spent 1/2 an hour in fits of laughter today as we dealt with your correspondence. At that price, you can consider yourself Micheal McIntyre. Shits and giggles indeed.

Everyone now knows that we are to divorce. I told my parents yesterday. As you know, my mother is very ill. I found that very hard.

She just said one word:

Coward.

Yes, you, the failure of a man. Yes, you the man.

I'm still having to field phone calls from your family. So would you please man up, and deal with your decision and deal with your family. Blame me for God's sake, but please, spare them this misery.

Your not soon to be ex-wife.

[dollius]

Got what a twat. Did he seriously expect to get away with that??

Well done OP. Feel the rage and let it drive you onwards and upwards.

[Uptheanty]

Arrogant asshole.

Please stay strong & defend yourself against this miserable escuse for a man.

[Frogisatwat]

I would love to see his face when he realises you are not going to sing to his tune. Your humour has really made me smile. Wishing you smiles some time very soon.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Op, you sound brilliant. You sound strong and focused.

He sounds like an absolute dickhead. But then you know that.

Wishing you well- hope you're ok

X

[JamNan]

OW?

[SolidGoldBrass]

Forging your signature is actually a crime, of course. Perhaps the police could be sent round to his workplace to slap the cuffs on him?

[Thumbwitch]

Has he ACTUALLY forged your signature on legal documents??! I do hope so (in one way) because as SGB says, you can have him arrested for that! Fraud, you know. Or something else, but still illegal.

Love your work, btw. And VERY sorry that you're having to go through this shit, but you're right - you really do find out what you married when they decide to fuck off with someone else.

[bubblebabeuk]

Following your thread, stay strong, btw i would so buy a book of your Dear NSTBXH emails, you write really well x