I've been with my DH for 10 years. 3 DC, 5,4 and 2. He's always liked a drink and until four years ago he was an ok drunk - bit loud, but not abusive or nasty.
It all changed. He has depression. He's been going downhill for years and his drinking increased as he got more and more depressed. It went up to at least two bottles a day, the most was a box of wine and half a bottle of whiskey. I said that I didn't think it was ok to drink that much, that maybe he should talk to someone about how he was feeling, but he ignored me, and he was still able to work well in his job, so no one else knew how bad it was.
Four months ago, he hit bottom. With his depression. Not with his drinking. He still hasn't told anyone about his drinking. He refuses to admit it is a problem. But it is. For me and for the kids. Because he is desperate for alcohol, his temper is short. But it gets worse when he has a drink. After his latest binge, two weeks ago, I told him I was worried that he was an alcoholic, and he immediately went off at the deep end. He was abusive to me, swearing, screaming, breaking furniture, getting in my face and scaring me shitless.
After that, he promised he would stay dry, although he denies that he has ever been an alcoholic. It was all my fault for calling him one, he said, that would upset anyone.
We had an argument half an hour ago and he stormed out of the house. I think he is going to buy wine and if he does I can't stay here. So part of me, the part that thinks that I don't love him any more and I shouldn't stay for my own sanity, wants him to buy that bottle so that I have a cast-iron reason to leave. For myself. And the other part, that says how horrible it would be to leave someone when they are struggling with depression, wants him to be strong enough to come back without any alcohol so that I don't have to be the bad guy.
I suppose I'm posting here to find out how I can leave, if he goes down that road again. And also how I can stay, if he doesn't.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
DH is in denial
Baroozer · 22/03/2014 20:15
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