My stbxh is not my friend. He wasn't my friend during our marriage and he never will be. He's an arrogant, manipulative, devious, abusive yet incredibly charming man who has the world and his dog believing he did the right thing by leaving me because I made his life miserable. In actual fact I left him..but that isn't the story he's giving people. He was always very good at changing history.
I must must must remember these things for days like today. I took DC into town and we bumped into him. They were thrilled, he was sweet and polite and offered to buy us lunch to which I agreed, mostly due to the fact he's seen very little of them since our split.
Over lunch he was the funny, smart, articulate, non-confrontational man I met almost six years ago and I'll be honest, I forgot all the hurt he's capable of. We chatted and laughed together which we haven't done in a long time and when he said he'd like to come back to the house to spend a bit more time with our DC it seemed wrong to say no.
Shortly before lunch was over, he started pratting around on his phone, texting, and seeing as DD1 was getting bored I suggested we head home. When we got outside he kissed DD1 and gave our twins a quick cuddle and said he'd see them on wednesday. I reminded him he'd told them he'd come back with us for a bit. He answered that now he's away from me, he actually has a social life and we're not the only people demanding of his time, then walked off. Complete switch from easy to get on with to cold as ice.
I was seething, mostly at myself for being sucked in but also at him for telling our DC he'd come back and spend time with them then changing his mind at the last minute. I then had a 3 yr old and two 16 month olds to console because daddy had walked off, DD1 kept saying daddy had gone without her and was really upset. To be fair I don't think the twins got it but DD1 certainly did 
. Ten minutes earlier he was telling her he'd watch Cinderella with her then suddenly something is more important. It beggars belief.
So I need to remind myself on occasions like this that he is not my friend, that I couldn't trust or rely on him, or his word while we were together, so I certainly shouldn't do it now, and that I am very much better off without him. It's easy to forget when he's being so nice. I now feel like I'll be spending the rest of my DC's younger years picking up the pieces when he lets them down and I feel incredibly sad for them. I really wanted to text him a piece of my mind but I know he'll only miss the point entirely and accuse me of using our DC against him, so I've written this post instead.
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Help me to remember this when I'm having a wobble..
CurtWild · 08/03/2014 21:01
Milkysmum..yes that's me tonight too. Crying into my ice cream and feeling like a complete monster. I know the split was the right thing and in general my DC are far happier and settled but when they've seen daddy they're upset, particularly my 3 year old who cried for him all the way back from town and asks for him every morning when she wakes up. He on the other hand is loving the single life and living it up and telling me if I regret the split (in general I don't) then it's my own fault for pushing him away 
hi curtwild. I guess yours are a bit littler but just wondering how best to explain that daddy is not coming back to live with us and what to say when she is sobbing her little heart out How are you managing the evenings alone- any tips?
Hi milky..so far she just thinks daddy's 'gone out' or 'hasn't come in yet' because she's too small as yet for me to really explain what's happening. Not sure if it's the right way but it's the best I have right now.
The evenings are still tough..we're only two weeks into our split and I admit I'm struggling to find stuff to do with myself once my DC are asleep. I love the calm, argument free atmosphere but I do miss the company. Almost six years is a big chunk of life to share with someone, I think it's only natural we miss the good bits. It was our first wedding anniversary last saturday..obviously I spent it alone and there were lots of tears
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