I left an abusive relationship a year and a half ago, after his emotional and physical abuse went way too far when he threatened to seriously harm me and my dogs. He was arrested, bailed with conditions to stay away from me, the town where I was staying, and not to try contacting me - either directly or via others. He didn't keep to any of these conditions and got himself arrested again. It didn't go to court in the end, so I still feel like I have a black cloud hanging over me. I know that he got into another relationship immediately (textbook narcissist behaviour) so is no doubt preoccupied with controlling her, poor thing.
I had to give up everything when I left him, my home (he owned it), my business (I worked alone in rural locations so the police said it wouldn't be good for me to continue, and I didn't feel safe at all).
Fast forward 18 months and I am now happily settled with a fab new job, sharing a house with a couple of other girls (I couldn't afford to rent on my own until I'd built up some savings and got a permanent job). One of the girls I now know very well and trust her 100% but the other one only recently moved in. Tonight she was chatting about a guy she knows that she hangs out with sometimes and is interested in her. As she walked out the room she said the guy's name and "I'll make him work a bit if he wants me". I went COLD. The guy whose name she said is someone who works very closely with and is good friends with my ex.
How do I handle this? I can just imagine her dropping into conversation with him all about her new house, housemates and their dogs (my dogs are quite distinctive - both by their looks and names, so couldn't be confused with other dogs).
After she went upstairs I was just sitting on the sofa paralysed with fear - what do I do?!
My main concern is that she uses Facebook a lot (for obvious reasons I don't at all). The last thing I want is her posting photos of my dogs or posts about me. I have followed the police DV unit advice to the letter and gone to great lengths to keep my whereabouts under wraps. I have changed my car twice, cut all mutual ties etc.
I don't know what to do - if I have a quiet word with her and explain the situation, she could well spill all to this guy "ooh do you know so and so...?" - she is nice but a bit of a big mouth and I don't know her well so can't trust her - and then he will definitely tell all to my ex.
But I can't do nothing either. I have a new partner now and am so happy, my job is great, I felt safe at home - though tonight the doorbell went and I jumped out of my skin I can't have everything torn apart again and live in fear constantly. Moving house seems an extreme option (plus I don't see why I should keep letting him control me) and isn't possible due to money issues - I am only just getting back on my feet having lost everything.
Any advice on how to handle this? and for anyone who has managed to read that essay!
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Feeling stressed re abusive ex finding out where I am
3 replies
pollypocket99 · 08/03/2014 20:53
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