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ExH having baby with new partner - am I normal?

5 replies

whygodwhy · 08/03/2014 20:04

We have a 11 DS together and DS Texted me last night to say his Dad and partner are having a baby.

Our marriage was very abusive and he had very little to do with DS, just not interested. Consequently we only had one child, I would have liked more but he didn't. I eventually found the strength to leave.

I am now too old to have more and this current news has stirred up a hornets nest of emotion, I feel sad I couldn't give DS a sibling and sad I'll never know DS's sibling.

We split 5 years ago and I'm very happily married to a wonderful man. I'm just shocked about how sad I feel about it all.

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LavenderGreen14 · 08/03/2014 20:09

I am in the same position - I couldn't have any more as too terrified of the abuse which started after my child was born. Ex is having baby with OW and it has broken my heart. I am also too old to have any more - I feel robbed. My child will never meet their new sibling (he refuses to contact or see her) and I am also terrified he will be abusive to the new offspring.

I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. It bloody hurts.

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whygodwhy · 08/03/2014 20:13

It does, sad for a chapter that is now closed for me. But, I will do my best to focus on what I do have, or fill my house with puppies (think crazy lady style!)

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Handywoman · 08/03/2014 20:15

(((((Hugs)))) to you OP. Given the way motherhood/family life turned out for you (all the let down and abuse) I am not at all surprised this has stirred up such emotion for you. I left an entitled miserable man last summer. The lack of support and engagement in family life over the last ten years has been really painful. I am in the waiting list for counselling and expect to start in the next month. Perhaps you could look into doing the same?? I'm doing low-cost counselling locally. More (((((hugs))))) to you

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LavenderGreen14 · 08/03/2014 20:16

Ha - I had a house full of kittens up until recently - it really helped. Pet therapy is pretty marvelous.

Closed chapter for me too - if I never set eyes on him again it will be way too soon, even so. I feel like he has got away with everything and now has shiny new life, but I know in reality his new relationship is dire and bringing baby into that is recipe for disaster. But sometimes logic and your heart say two different things don't they.

I agree though - focus on what is good and happy. I am lucky I have a happy home and no longer live in fear of him. All progress of sorts.

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whygodwhy · 08/03/2014 20:17

Thank you so much, hugs appreciated my situation was very similar, he had literally no involvement it's tough to understand ... I adore DS more than life.

I will explore the therapy route.