please don't judge me I am in a bad situation.
I have been with DH for 22 years and have 4dc 2 grown up and 2 little.
I was told when I got married that I could never go home and my parents meant it . it's just the way they are . marriage is for ever .
I have never been happy and repeatedly asked him to go .
on here once before someone said why should he go ? Why not ? I don't know I just know I can't go on and I can't actually think clearly to help myself and would really appreciate someone telling me straight small things or big things I can do .
I sound pathetic but I feel like an overdose is becoming more and more my only option . I spend my life looking after and organising work life and home . I know many people do but seriously I d so much. I do all the adult things at home pay bills sort childcare cars holidays money ect. My best friend is terminally ill and my other best friend is in hospital with a mental health problem , I worry about them both constantly . DH never even asks how they are when I get in from the hosp . I hold down a professional job and absolutely no one has any clue apart from my dc and DH how unhappy I am .i ask DH every day prob ten times to leave and have for the last year but before this also . His parents would always welcome him because they are good people and would always be there for him . My parents live nearby and haven't been to see their grandchildren for 3 years ! I Have to take them and listen to what a terrible mother and daughter I am for not coming more often whenever I go.
DH promised me zillions of times he would change and I now know he won't . When I cry and beg him to go primarily because I don't want our dc growing up thinking our relationship is normal he just sneers at me . He won't let me past and blocks my way and just winds me up like I can't explain. It's like he will be really verbally nasty and I ask him to let me by so when I eventually push he throws his arms in the air and shouts that I've hit him so the dc thnk I have . This really hurts me and he knows this so he does it at every opportunity . He has hurt me and he then laughs at me . He hasn't like punched me in the face he has spat at me and strangled me but not to like really hurt me just ridicule me . The atmosphere is awful and what I hate the most is the effect on the children . He acts like everything is normal and refuses point blank to talk he pushes me away at all costs. I told him several times this weekend if he didn't go to his mums I would kill myself and he said good Dont make a mess . I just sit here now and just cry and he completely ignores me day in day out like I'm really not here . If I take pills I think because of other people then knowing how unhappy I am he might move out . I can't go with 4 dc we have nowhere to go and no money to go with . I know i have to do something for dc but can't even think straight. Feel so drained .I love them so much and am a failure as a mother for not protecting them . if I sound like I'm just feeling sorry for myself I'm not I really am desperately to do the right thing but what is that ?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
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can anyone please give me some advice on how to help myself ?
Cantthinkstraightx · 02/03/2014 11:20
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