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Argh! I am reading him wrong?!

(426 Posts)
outtathefryingpan Sat 01-Mar-14 10:22:59

Background: out of a long term relationship late last year, for at least the last 3 year that had become unhealthy and was manipulative and a bit controlling. Took a lot for me to realise and get the courage to leave. I'm worried this is now clouding my judgement on other situations so would like your views...

Started sleeping with a friend at beginning of Jan, (known them 2years), make it VERY clear I was not in the right place for a relationship right now and I wanted to spend sometime been single and working out who I was and getting my life into some sort of order... nice to get some positive attention though and I enjoy his company. Thought it would work okay as he's a single parent will full custody so has other things in his life to keep him busy. I have not committed to see him on any frequency, he knows this and agrees with it. I agreed I wouldn't date other people (Not a problem, I don't want to ATM!)

Last few weeks I feel likes he's constantly picking up on my behaviour regarding how quickly I reply to his text messages. I think he constantly mentions it if I don't reply immediately to his text he says he doesn't . I think he has a problem if I see my friends and not him (He doesn't say this directly but negatively comments on it). I called him on this and he's went off on one... its all me apparently. So either way I probably need to let this go, but for my own sanity, do you think I was out of order / wrong about him?

He says its rude and ignorant of me to not reply quickly and in detail. These are from yesterday...
"Some things not right, you haven't reply to my messages, do you think this is worth it" (I had been replying at 15 minute intervals?)
"Did my messages come through?" (He had sent 5 messages, I had last messaged less then an hour previously. I was at work) 10 minutes later
"My messages obviously aren't coming though" (He knows I cant reply at work!)
He'll send v long messages, and lots of them back to back, if I don't reply within 10 mins I get "nevermind" When I do reply I have to mention every point in his previous x messages...

Regarding this weekend, I am seeing a friend tomorrow. I'm not well (just a cold) so wanted to stop in last night, I went to bed at 9. I could have seen him today but haven't arranged anything as I feel hes been negatively mentioning me seeing my friend tomorrow. These are just a sample from yesterdays messages as he feels hard done by that I made plans for one day:
"Already your too busy off with other peeps again"
"...clearly you prefer to do something else instead" (rather then see him)
"You just seem to make yourself busy with others"
"We both know you'd rather be doing other things"

This is a small sample. He never makes plans to see me. I always have to suggest meeting. I always go to his.

expatinscotland Sat 01-Mar-14 10:25:21

Good grief. He's a fuck buddy of a month and a ting like this? Get rid.

Only1scoop Sat 01-Mar-14 10:25:52

Your nick name sums it up....you don't want to get back into the fire. This isn't a casual thing anymore to him. He is showing signs of becoming controlling. Knock it on the head.

Leviticus Sat 01-Mar-14 10:27:08

I wouldn't want a proper boyfriend to act like that let alone a 'friend'.

Just sack it off.

MorrisZapp Sat 01-Mar-14 10:28:44

Oh just bin him. I'm too old to understand this shagging a friend business but I can see why it just doesn't work.

Either you're in a relationship or you aren't. It can't work when one person thinks it's a relationship and the other doesn't.

expatinscotland Sat 01-Mar-14 10:28:50

Do yourself a huge favour, too. No more men for a while.

JohnFarleysRuskin Sat 01-Mar-14 10:29:49

Horrendous behaviour.

Get rid of him.

nkf Sat 01-Mar-14 10:29:56

Turn your phone off.

foofooyeah Sat 01-Mar-14 10:32:54

This man has serious jealousy and possessiveness issues .... I would be worried

IthoughtATMwasacashpoint Sat 01-Mar-14 10:36:48

Life's too short! Get rid of him please, but not before you've told him in the requisite minute detail exactly why smile

hamptoncourt Sat 01-Mar-14 10:37:46

As PP have said, even if you were married, this would be excessively controlling behaviour. And he is just a FWB?

He is harassing you and trying to bully and control you.

Run, run as fast as you can.

I don't want to worry you but he sounds like he could react badly to being dumped so be careful, and be prepared to block him.

clam Sat 01-Mar-14 10:38:14

God, reading those and I'M feeling hassled and stalked.
Dump.

pictish Sat 01-Mar-14 10:40:33

Oh my God! Run...run very fast in the opposite direction to this self absorbed, controlling, passive aggressive, overly intense, in-your-face horror of a man!!

pictish Sat 01-Mar-14 10:40:54

Me too clam! confused

outtathefryingpan Sat 01-Mar-14 10:42:09

Thank god!
"This man has serious jealousy and possessiveness issues" this is exactly what I though but needed to be reassured that it just wasn't me being "Fucked up" after my previous relationship!
There are already tones of messages sent last night that I cant even bring myself to read.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 01-Mar-14 10:42:55

Reading him wrong? Is there a good way to read it?

outtathefryingpan Sat 01-Mar-14 10:43:25

I do feel very hassled, but if I ask him for more space cos its making me feel like that he just tells me what a good guy he is... how hes not like that... blah blah blah

pictish Sat 01-Mar-14 10:44:41

Text him back once.

"I am sick to death of the barrage of texts I have been receiving. You are way too intense for me. This arrangement between us is over. Do not contact me again."

Seriously - this guy will eat you alive!!!!

pictish Sat 01-Mar-14 10:46:38

He's not a good guy, and he is like that.
Judge a person not by what they say but by what they do!

What he says and what he does are completely at odds with one another here. Fuck him off immediately!

Christ I feel creeped out by him, never mind you!

Gettingmeback Sat 01-Mar-14 10:47:07

Frying, you know what you need to do. He's completely insecure which will lead to these attempts to gain control over you and make you the insecure one. You'll never do anything right as far as he's concerned, which, translated means you have a life and he can't stand it! He's already trying to isolate you from others. The emotionally manipulative crap about you wanting to spend time with other people, you've seen this stuff before. You've done so great so far keeping your independence and leaving the last dickhead, stay on the path. I'd tell him he's absolutely right, it isn't worth it!

Ltb seriously. The guy at the very least is a dick and at worst co trolling and potentially abusive.

outtathefryingpan Sat 01-Mar-14 10:48:12

Thank you Pictish, I will use that.
This would not even be acceptable if I was dating someone properly.

FabULouse Sat 01-Mar-14 10:48:45

Ugh, needy, controlling, possessive, demanding, disrespectful...I could go on. Get rid, he is seriously bad news. I doubt he will go quietly however. Big girl pants and sensible safety precautions required, and don't hesitate to contact police to ask them to have a word if he ignores your request for no more interaction.

Oh just dump the fool already. Isn't FWB supposed to be light and casual? He clearly didn't get that memo and sounds like a controlling twat.

LEMmingaround Sat 01-Mar-14 10:50:31

He sounds very insecure and needy - you are not wanting a relationship, but he clearly does - the best thing you can do for BOTH of you is to walk away.

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