what else do i need to do?

[iamtoooldforallofthis]

hello, i am new on here but my daughter said this was a good place for sensible advice...i have been married for 3 years and was living with him for 2 years before that...i thought we were very happy but he has told me he doesnt love me and hasnt for a while...he wont try and sort things out-he says its too late...this was the beginning of january. i am in turmoil as i love him very much....i am going to tell him to leave but i am not sure what else i need to do, we cant talk properly until Saturday as he is at work late every day until then... i am going to find out the cost of him putting his things into storage (he said he wouldnt be able to take his things to his mams) and the cost of him boarding out his reptiles (otherwise he would have to keep coming back to see to them)...i have put a post on the legal thread because i am not sure if he would be entitled to half my assets (although he has contributed very little financially) what else do i need to do before Saturday? i am so upset i can hardly think in a straight line

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'm sorry you've been let down so badly and I know how horrible it feels to be told that someone hasn't loved you 'for a while'. Sadly, it's often code for 'I've met someone else' so brace yourself for more shocks. Do you have RL support? Friends and family? Your daughter sounds lovely.

What to do practically, please see a solicitor urgently. As your husband I'm afraid he does potentially have a 50/50 claim on any assets acquired since the marriage. However, if you've only been married three years, his claim on assets you had pre-marriage is less secure.

When it comes to putting things in storage etc let him worry about that and research the costs. Only do favours for people that treat you with respect, not those that crap on you from a great height. If you lobbed everything in a skip he'd be getting off lightly.

Good luck

[iamtoooldforallofthis]

thank you...i do think he might be having an affair...i am researching the storage because i dont want him to leave his things here and i know he wont take them...

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

With his stuff you tell him to collect by a particular date or you leave it out for the bin-men. Seriously.

[iamtoooldforallofthis]

I told him had a week but unfortunately he agreed to go to relate with me ( although once there he said it easy over ) and the counsellor said a week was unreasonable

[iamtoooldforallofthis]

I told him had a week but unfortunately he agreed to go to relate with me ( although once there he said it easy over ) and the counsellor said a week was unreasonable

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

It's not for the counsellor to set the parameters of what's reasonable. You're a woman scorned... hell hath no fury and all that. :) Seriously, this is your life now. You determine how much time he has to pick up his gear and what happens to it.

[iamtoooldforallofthis]

i know the counsellor was quite wrong to comment and i have been thinking about making a complaint but i havent got the energy

[iamtoooldforallofthis]

his mother told me it was unreasonable of me to say he had to take it at all until he had a house (which could take months)

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

His mother, the counsellor... meh... the world is full of meddling women willing to make other women feel guilty for not wanting to be very nice to people who have betrayed them :) When you were happily married you shared everything and you were considerate to each other. The minute he said it's over it became his stuff, his life, his problem. How kind or mean you want to be is entirely up to you and no-one should pass comment.

[Logg1e]

I'd stop discussing this with his mum, and I guess the counselling has finished? I'd make this a fait accompli by Saturday. Bags packed, hotel booked in his name and the packing van coming (booked to take stuff to his mums. Or the counsellors).

[iamtoooldforallofthis]

thank you!!! and i am not in contact with his mother any more after she said that....i was talking to her when i thought there was a possibility we couldd work it out....we only went for the initial assessment at relate and wont be back

[Logg1e]

I can't imagine how it's been for you since he dropped his bombshell, and having to live with him (especially as it became clear he wasn't going to try to salvage the marriage).

I'm afraid I agree with PP. Don't be surprised to hear he's met a "new" woman by next Wednesday and he's moving in with her by Friday.