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Found out dp is on the sex offenders register

(300 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread. Read here.

mrscoleridge Mon 10-Feb-14 21:37:46

Please be kind as this has only come out today and I think I'm in shock.
Have posted before about dp that I have been with for a few months. Am smitten with him and we have been very happy.
However my friend googled him and found that he was convicted of having a relationship with a pupil and was dismissed as a teacher.
She was 15 and pursued him according to the judgement and it only got as far as some kissing and cuddling.
I can't believe this and as I have two teenage daughters am in turmoil. He doesn't know I know.
He's been great with my family and as this was few years ago must have been out of trouble since.
I've no idea who knows.
Help!!

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 11-Feb-14 11:52:36

Hello everyone,

Thank you for all your reports - we're going to take a look into this thread now. In the meantime can we please remind you of our talk guidelines

Clutterbugsmum Tue 11-Feb-14 11:53:09

I wouldn't think anyone would call some one a partner after seeing them for 5/6 weeks.

As this post prove OP knows nothing about him other then what he told her. If he was serious about this relationship then he would be honest about his past. Not leaving out something could impact on OP children lives.

He committed a crime against a child/teenager. He knew he was in the wrong and is still lying about it, and god knows what else.

AGoodPirate Tue 11-Feb-14 11:55:06

Someone I know found out her husband was on the sex offenders register for a 'relationship' with an underage girl. He had never mentioned it. They had two young babies. She left him straight away. They'd been together a few years.
That's what a decent mother would do. Protect her kids.

generousfdudgy Tue 11-Feb-14 11:55:44

You said that it was supposed to be casual but after the first date he asked you to be exclusive....was this after you had shared that you had DDs and their ages?

Glowbuggy Tue 11-Feb-14 12:00:04

Lovely new partner? They've been dating 6 weeks.

Run, and keep him away from your children.

I don't think the OP is terrible, although I'm gobsmacked she was thinking of moving in an almost stranger when she has two teenagers. It's just I KNOW if I'd just found out the same thing there would absolutely no confusion.

Whocansay Tue 11-Feb-14 12:02:12

You are knowingly putting your children in harm's way. There is something very wrong with you.

Be aware that if you persist in this relationship, your friend may report you to ss. She is clearly concerned or she wouldn't have shown you the link in the first place.

tb Tue 11-Feb-14 12:03:56

The worst thing, to my mind is, that he was convicted after having been a teacher for the best part of 20 years.

Presumably he didn't just become attracted to 15 year old girls after the age of say 35. In that case, how many other girls did he abuse or groom with a view to abusing?

SplattyQuenelle Tue 11-Feb-14 12:05:42

My mum once put her own feelings for a man above me and my sister's safety, and allowed him to move in with us without knowing him properly. The result? My sister and I were sexually abused daily for 8 years.

Put your daughters' wellbeing first. BE THE MOTHER THEY DESERVE. Posts like yours make me livid (assuming you're genuine).

undecidedanduncertain Tue 11-Feb-14 12:07:56

This would be a dealbreaker for me, OP. I could not let a man like this near my children. And I wouldn't want him near me.

This has brought back a lot of ugly feelings for me OP. I was abused by my teacher from the age of 14 until I was 22- grooming which became sexual. He ruined my teenage years. And one of the worst things was that his wife took him back. When I think about that it makes me feel sick.

Don't be that woman. Her weakness and his ability to convince her that he was worthy of forgiving was just another form of abuse- made her a victim too. Don't be another victim.

ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK Tue 11-Feb-14 12:20:30

Just a message of support to you dizzy. ^

You were in a situation that meant you were not necessarily seen as a victim of abuse or believed in the way you deserved.

What happened to you is really shitty darling I'm sorry.

That's all don't really want to comment on the other issues just yet.

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 11-Feb-14 12:33:57

Hello again,

We currently have no reason to suspect that the OP isn't genuine, but as ever, we'd like to remind people with the internet being what it is, it's good practice to never give away more than you can afford to lose, emotionally or financially.

We're going to go through this thread and remove posts that break our guidelines.

undecidedanduncertain Tue 11-Feb-14 12:44:06

Of course he is lovely, OP. And of course his behaviour around your DDs is caring and impeccable. That is what people like him do! It may be hard for you to accept, but if you do not get rid of him, immediately, you will have a very hard time ahead, and your relationship with your DDs may be destroyed. Imagine how you will feel, when they hate you for not protecting them? What will you have left in your life then?

GTA5MASTER Tue 11-Feb-14 12:47:24

I don't care how bloody shocked the op is she needs to get her head out of her arse and tell him to get the fuck out of her and her kids lives!

Bluebees Tue 11-Feb-14 12:53:31

There is no dilemma here whatsoever. Your DDs come first and you have to end this relationship. Surely all the responses are only echoing what you already know. You cannot take the risk, nor would you forgive yourself if something happened to one or both of your DDs. For their sakes and your own, end the relationship today. You're their mum and your DDs need to you protect them. You can do it.

Quinteszilla Tue 11-Feb-14 12:57:26

He is not a dp. You have only seen him three months. You dont live together. He is merely a new boyfriend/shagee.

Aint it just fab that he has chosen a single mum with teenage girls? I bet he loves that aspect of you also.....
In fact, I would not be surprised if that was the part of you he found most alluring.

satsumasunrise Tue 11-Feb-14 13:01:00

Thank God your friend googled him.

Ignore any feelings you may still have for him and see him for what he is.

You and your daughters have had a very lucky escape.

SuffolkNWhat Tue 11-Feb-14 13:01:51

If you knowingly continue this relationship you could end up being banned from teaching yourself OP. Just think about that.

Amytheflag Tue 11-Feb-14 13:02:42

They've only had a very lucky escape if she acts on it. It's worrying to think that she probably won't. The OP is already making excuses for him. Poor girls.

Thanks scrambledeggs. I pray the OP sees sense and agree- it's not a situation where everyone sees you as a victim of abuse.

It made me very sad that OP parroted the "she pursued him" line that always comes out confused people love that line! It's never the mans fault.

Quinteszilla Tue 11-Feb-14 13:04:29

Do you think he is planning to befriend your daughters friends?

Or use you to have a legitimate excuse to hang out around your/their school? Pick them/you up from work, drop off, etc?

HighBrows Tue 11-Feb-14 13:04:44

Jesus seriously there is something wrong with you that you have to have a hand wringing thread on here wondering what to do.

Every single person has told you to dump him and protect your girls. Some people have even shared very sad posts about how their mothers did what you are doing. thanks to those posters.

Seriously stop behaving like a total selfish fool and cop on. Are you that desperate?

This thread has sickened me.

NobodyIsHere Tue 11-Feb-14 13:10:19

I just hope that the OP's real life friend who googled him will actually do something about it.

BuzzardBird Tue 11-Feb-14 13:10:23

Will you be back OP to tell us what you are doing? I think perhaps you are getting rid of him? Maybe even reporting to police that he has not stuck to the rules of the sex offender register?

Targeting and grooming and what BuzzardBird said.

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