I have been NC with my parents and sisters for over 7 years. I had an extremely abusive childhood, my dad was verbally and psychologically abusive and my mother was emotionally absent and too weak to stand up to my dad.
I cut all contact with them over 7 years ago and the space and time apart has been the reason I believe I have been able to heal and recover as much as I have from the damage they did to me.
I have always felt a certain amount of loneliness due to having to family of my own, but until now have always felt the loneliness was better than any contact with my family. But recently the feelings of loneliness have become unbearable and I keep imagining re-connecting with my family again.
But I just don't know if being in contact with them would undo all the work I have done so far in recovering from the damage they did.
And all the issues I had before would no doubt still be there eg. my sisters being really close and always making me feel left out, having in jokes that I don't understand.
And whilst my parents are very keen for me to be in contact, I know it's just because they want to see their grandchildren, not because they miss me and want to make things right between me and them. That is obvious from the few letters they have written to me, which are full of how they miss their grandchildren.
I find it hard to make friends (probably due to being abused) so I haven't managed to make good friends which makes me feel even lonelier.
I haven't worked for 10 years due to ill health and depression and am now finding it extremely hard to go back to work due to the long gap in my employment history. I could retrain but have no idea what I want to do.
I just feel my life is a mess and I have no family and very few friends. I am mostly alone at home all day and don't speak to anyone until I collect the DC's from school. I occasionally meet a mum for coffee but mostly they all work so that's not very often and I find I have little to talk about as I don't do anything.
I am looking to do some volunteering but it's going very slowly, with trying to find something suitable that is local and that I will enjoy.
Sorry for the epic post. I have been bottling this all up for ages. It all sounds so negative, and yet to look at my life I should be happy. Have a great DH and DC's, nice house, no money worries. I am on anti depressants, maybe they are not working anymore, but I don't want to increase my dose. I would rather sort out my life than rely on drugs.
Thanks for reading if you have got this far. I am going to be offline for a while now but will be back later.
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Relationships
NC with family,coping with the loneliness?
dimsum123 · 31/01/2014 09:49
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