Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Childish but so satisfying

(18 Posts)
maparole Thu 30-Jan-14 21:13:53

One of the many things which used to cause me great resentment in my marriage was the fact that I was expected to take care of everything

"We" had a business, a household and a child and I had to take care of 90% of it all, with virtually zero support but plenty of criticism on the rare occasion I did drop one of the spinning plates. On top of this, I was also expected to deal with his own purely personal stuff, such as medical appointments, tax issues and those sorts of daily annoyances. If I protested, it would lead to swearing, shouting, sulks and flounces.

So anyway, today he rang me because he had received some sort of official notice about NIC or the likes ... wanted to know what it was all about and what he should do.

Oooh, did I enjoy telling him it was no longer any concern of mine grin.

Lweji Thu 30-Jan-14 21:24:33

smile
Good for you.

hollyhunter Thu 30-Jan-14 21:28:40

oh yes... did you let him give you the full speil or did you cut him off in his prime?

i always like to go along with it like you are interested, but make the stupidest of recommendations

KouignAmann Thu 30-Jan-14 21:30:17

Yes I understand. The year after I left XH was late with his tax return "because it was so complicated to do" and got fined. Then the police stopped him in his car because he had forgotten to MOT and insure it. HA! He should have appreciated all I did for him as well as holding down a professional career and raising three wonderful DC. The shopping cleaning cooking the DIY the gardening the finances and the cars. All he did was criticise me. No wonder I got fed up!

maparole Thu 30-Jan-14 21:35:19

i always like to go along with it like you are interested, but make the stupidest of recommendations

Damn; I didn't think of that! Will remember next time wink

iklboo Thu 30-Jan-14 21:38:00

Did you tell him he had to complete an NMFP form - Not My Fucking Problem.

forumdonkey Thu 30-Jan-14 21:49:05

Strange that innit? grin I was a complete bitch for keeping a reign on the finances whist married. In his opinion he should have been able to spend spend spend and I stopped him .....ohhhh bitch. Well, following our divorce I bought him out of the house and he had an inheritance totalling him a windfall of tens of thousands of pounds and within 2 years he'd spent the lot. Not only did he spend every last penny without a single thing to show for it he is upto his neck in debt, in court for unpaid bills and fines and like in KouignAmann post has just been to court for no insurance (and that is only what I know of). I own my home, drive a really nice car and pay my bills - but I'm the bitch?grin

redundantandbitter Thu 30-Jan-14 23:10:35

So... Karma does exist. Pleased to hear it .

Going to keep the 'NMFP form' idea , I like very much

jayho Thu 30-Jan-14 23:44:56

wish I'dhad NMFPto pass to my sister a couple of years ago. After her marriage broke up and after a respectable passage of time (no involvement in the break up) she married the man who was her husband's accountant.

New DP repeatedly told exH that it was no longer appropriate for him to handle his accounts but exH was so lazy and entitled he insisted that it was a great arrangement because dsis could carry on doing his bit for him and save him money! New DP had to sack him in the end.

More than ten years on exH still emails her to ask for doctor's phone numbers, where are the instructions for this, who insured that, perfect candidate for the NMFP form!

SoleSource Fri 31-Jan-14 11:53:26

grin mapole

Fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AndTheBandPlayedOn Fri 31-Jan-14 15:28:43

I don't see anything childish about it. You have set a healthy boundary and have the self respect to honor it.

"...and you think I should care about that because...?"

NMFP form is ace!

Handywoman Fri 31-Jan-14 17:50:50

hee hee, good on you maparole smile

loving the nmfp form.

smile

oldgrandmama Fri 31-Jan-14 17:55:42

LOVE this thread. Good for you, OP. Let the so and so sort it all out for himself. Just shows how sodding useless some of these 'men' are. Ha ha ha ....

gigglestar Fri 31-Jan-14 19:45:45

Glad you're out of that situation OP,well done.

It does make me wonder tho,whenever i read threads like this-why on earth did you do all that for him in the first place?!!!! shock I wouldn't have a relationship with a guy who needed mothering let alone marry him.

Mamagoose01 Fri 31-Jan-14 20:00:14

Good on you grin id do the same smile

hamptoncourt Fri 31-Jan-14 21:35:24

When I first separated from Exh he couldn't even remember his own mothers birthday by himself. She was LIVID that she didn't get even a card from him. It's all Wifework!

maparole Fri 31-Jan-14 23:03:28

It does make me wonder tho,whenever i read threads like this-why on earth did you do all that for him in the first place?!!!!

Oh, God, I know! confused
The thing is, it doesn't happen all at once ... starts off with not bothering to clean the loo or asking for a bit of help with filling in a form or whatever and before you know it he has apparently lost the ability to use the washing machine or go to the supermarket without the sort of instructions you would give to a three-year-old and then you realise one day you are just doing it all because it is too much effort to try to force some participation out of him [and in my case at least, there was a likelihoood of being on the receiving end of screaming, spittle-flying abuse].

goodenuffmum Sat 01-Feb-14 23:35:48

Good for you!
I can no longer speak to Inland Revenue about his large debt after he left...loving that!

I'm also a bit smug when he complains about paying his extortionate household bills (for his tiny 1 bed flat hmm) after years of bitching that he couldn't understand how we were always broke grin

I say we gotta take our pleasures where we can find them!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now