I was going to name change but fuck it.
I have no friends. None. Not one.
I have no social life. I haven't been on a proper night out in years.
I am a SAHM and pregnant with DC2. We live in a city where we have no family. Just me and DP. Every night. On the sofa watching box sets. We have become far too co-dependent and I am filling up with resentment about it 
.
I had awful experiences at both school and uni with groups of girls who I thought were my friends and have ended up quite damaged and I think self-protective because of it.
I am a good person. I am kind and thoughtful and a good listener. I love company and really miss laughing with a friend over silly things.
However I have been told many times that I am intimidating. I really don't mean to be. Resting bitch face maybe?! I am smart and witty but also sarcastic, intolerant of idiots and am maybe just a wee bit judgemental. If anyone has seen Cougar Town I think I'm a bit like Ellie 
.
I am a wannabe 50's pin-up who drinks whiskey and quotes films with probably irritating regularity. I find it easier to talk to men in social scenarios (mainly because DP's friends are the only people I see in a social setting) but I haven't connected with anyone as a proper friend.
I don't like a lot of the designated 'girly' activities. I hate shopping. I hate romcoms and pink wine. I would rather eat my own head than go out clubbing in a big group of girls. I don't watch soaps or I'm a Celebrity. Hen dos bring me out in hives.
I made myself go to baby/toddler groups with DD1 and I hated every minute. As much as I love my DD I don't want to talk just about babies and BLW etc which is the experience I had. Competitive parenting everywhere.
In the past 5 years I have met 2 people who I initially thought I might be able to forge a friendship with.
One is a complete drama llama who dramatically declared herself an alcoholic then decided she wasn't and now gets drunk and rants on FB most nights. And once made a pass at DP. Needless to say she's off the list.
Person No.2 is someone I thought I had a lot in common with (50's clothing and kitsch etc) but is very much a Mimi and turns out has at least mild homophobic and racist tendencies 
.
I say hello to people on the school run but many of the mums seem quite cliquey (could be me projecting because of my bad experiences) and besides how do you turn a school run hello into a friendship??
When I see people on FB having big get-togethers or checking in on their sofa with their friends and wine I like I positively seethe with envy. Recently I have started getting really upset about the whole situation.
I have this vision of living somewhere where I make friends with a group of the neighbours and we have raucous nights in around the table laughing and listening to music. Sad much?? .
How can I make friends? Are there any people out there like me? At 33 am I destined to be this sad twat for the rest of my days? Has anyone been in a similar situation and changed it?
Alternatively are there any rent-a-friend websites?!
If you have made it to the end of this pathetic rant 
for you.
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I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
BunnyLebowski · 22/01/2014 17:42
You have just described me. I'll be your friend 
My life is short on laughter and good times 
No advice, sorry, as I am similarly afflicted and just generally crap, but sympathies. I'm 32 and virtually friendless as well. Also had a bad experience in school ('best friend' decided I wasn't cool enough and dumped me, but not before making me feel worthless) and I find it really hard to make friends. But actually I've always been shy, since childhood.
FWIW, you seem lovely on here. And you have a cool name I'd be your friend.
You sound so much like me Bunny
I'm an Ellie from Cougar Town as well 
I don't make friends easily at all. At the grand age of 31 I have 1. People don't 'get' me, I think I'm too dry humor wise.
Don't think I've got anything actually helpful to say but wanted to say I think you sound ace and I would absolutely want to know you better if I met you.
Bunny I second Rooners
Fancy a clomp in the mud to hang out with the trees, swigging a nice Chianti from the bottle? I can quote the great philosophers and classical poetry? Or we could find wild foods and cook them over a fire
I felt quite isolated when DD was younger as I lived quite far away from family, work and school, and live alone (bar DD as I'm a lone parent).
I had friends in work but not best friends, some other friends all lovely but busy with their 2.4 child families so only saw them a few times a year, other friends abroad.
So (for another reason, not specifically to make friends!) I did some volunteering at DD's school show (handy with a needle) when she was about 7, ended up doing 8 panto seasons.
She's 17 now and I have about 10 good friends still from this (and loads of acquaintances). Plus it got me back into sewing (which I love).
Is there something YOU are interested in, that you can take up/do more of?
(btw I have never had a drink with any of my neighbours in the 14 years I've lived in my house! You're not necessarily odd if you aren't close to people you just happen to live beside 
)
Aw you guys! I'm actually crying now . DD is looking at me like I've finally lost it. Thank you all.
I just want one person, just one person who is as weird and bad as me.
Bugger I'm nowhere even close. :/ that a bit shit really, we need more people like you here.
I generally lose people when I go,to the bar and order a rum and have to request every time that it be dark rum and no I don't want and coke especially diet. Apparently ladies drink white rum and diet coke 
You sound excellent. I'll be your mate.
I freak people out too. Scarily deadpan, far too honest and the resting face of a grieving cod.
I've been described as 'brutally honest to the point of terrifying' by a colleague
This reply has been deleted
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It sounds like we are pretty much in the same boat!! Oh the envy of everyone getting invited out to the Xmas parties seeing all the photos and me say at home. You sound lovely btw
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