My wife and I have been together 11 years now and have three children aged 3, 6 and 8. Like any relationship and family we have our disagreements, irritations & stresses but overall I would say we have a happy family life together.
I work full time and my wife part time and we have plenty of support from our families. I would say I do more than my fair share of household duties, but then I suppose most people think that! I try to be a caring, considerate and supportive husband and dad. I’m not perfect by any means but I try my best. We get on well together, make each other laugh and have opportunities to be together alone regularly.
However a few months ago it became apparent to me that my wife never held my hand anymore, hugged or cuddled me, rarely kissed me apart from a goodnight peck and clearly didn’t really want to have sex anymore. In reality we haven’t had regular sex for quite a while (apart from when trying to conceive), probably since my wife fell pregnant with our middle child seven years ago. We certainly had more regular sex before our first child was born and after that but if I were to think about frequency over the last seven years I think perhaps we had sex every month or so. When she's been pregnant we've easily gone 9 months without sex which is completely understandable and acceptable.
It has been obvious to her that we haven't had much sex over the last few years as she acknowledges in bed 'that we must have sex soon' before turning over and going to sleep! When we have had sex it's clear she's not enjoying it and now niether am I because I know what she's thinking. I never pressurise her for sex.
When I raised the issue with her a few months ago - not just the lack of sex but the complete lack of physical contact - it didn't go down well. I said that I was beginning to resent her because of it and didn't want to be like that. I said I loved her and couldn't imagine not being with her but couldn't comprehend a life like this in the long term.
It was obvious what I said shocked her as she said she was happy just pottering along in life and admitted she's just not interested in sex anymore. I don't think she realised there's no other physical contact either. That was it. She said perhaps her feelings might change in the future but she didn't know and couldn't guarantee anything.
We've tried discussing the issue since then but have gotten nowhere. She finds discussing 'emotional issues' difficult upsetting and views them as confrontational. For me, perhaps what's worse than the minimal physcial contact, is that she feels no need to do anything about why she might feel like this - medical, physcological.
Any advice would be much appreciated. Has anyone been through and come out the other side? I'm at a loss on what to do.
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Relationships
Wife has no interest in me physically
greenman99 · 22/01/2014 13:17
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