Hello, im new on here so please bare with me.
Basically ive been with my husband nearly 8 years in May 2014 (married just over 2 years, have 4 kids).
We got into a relationship pretty quick after meeting at a friends party we got on great and had an instant connection. I knew from the start he had a few issues and so did i which i wont go into. I also knew he took drugs casually the night i got with him i found out after that he had been taking pills. Dispite this our relationship was good from early on in the relationship we would stay together most nights which was great but come weekend he would be with his mates who used to have all night partys where drugs were usually involved. I did say to him it had to stop and everytime he would say i promise ill stop going and doing drugs but i found out he was lying about where he was going to be with them. Early in the August i told him id had enough and it had to stop or i was ending things it gave him a kick up the backside and things were great again we even had a weekend away which was great :) But then August bank holiday weekend he did a dissapearing act for 3 nights nowhere knew where he was me and his parents were really worried. Turns out he had been with his druggy mates on a camping trip where they had all been doing pills and cocaine and god knows what else. I was devastated and feeled betrayed so i ended things, he seemed heart broken which made it worse. I also found out from a mutual friend he had slept with someone
Although i ended things we were still in touch and i missed him loads, in the october i started seeing someone else and i also found out he was seeing some girl who was part of the druggy crew even then we were still in touch he would txt me all the time over silly little things. Stopped hearing from him in November and i realised i missed him even more but i was plodding on with this new lad who tbh i didnt feel anything for, end of November i had a visit from his mum asking if i could arrange to meet him as she was worried and his dad had kicked him out of the family home after he had been caught with coke and he had had some mates in the house who had stolen something. She was worried sick as now he was with these idiots 24/7, she said he had told her he misses me and was heartbroken that he had lost me, she assured me that his feelings were genuine and only i could get through to him. So i did, we met up for a coffee after work as we both worked near each other, was shocked to see the state of him. He asked if he could move in with me at my parents house for a bit to sort himself out, i automatically said no. After that we stayed intouch i was desperately trying to fight my feelings. Anyway Christmas came and he came round with me a gift (first time id seen him since we went for coffee) he looked worse than ever looks like he hadnt eaten in ages or anything, my present was a heart shaped pendant which he had engraved "sorry" on the back. I ended up in bed with him and was great was like the first time all over again but i felt bad as was seeing this lad. He thought this meant we were getting back together but quickly told him no i cant be with him while hes hanging round these people and doing drugs and getting off with little tarts.
After a lousy Christmas and new year on the 3rd of December i had a call off his sister that he was in hospital the idiot had taken an over dose he was fine but they thought it would benefit him seeing me, i did go was horrible and while i was there this lass he had been seeing turned up with his mate but he told them to go away, we had a long chat he told me his parents were letting him home and he was going to sort his life out as he was on verge of loosing his job too. We were intouch loads and was surprised how his attitude had changed, anyway my bday 16th January and 2 days before i decided to end it with my bf it wasnt going anywhere think he just wanted me for sex anyway and i told my now husband him and he asked if he could take me out for my birthday which i said yes, we just went for a meal was lovely felt like the old Matthew i knew when we got back together. The week later we got back together officailally and been together since.
My problem is and has been since then (he knows how i feel btw) whenever he goes out with mates i worry myself stupid over what hes doing, even though hes cut ties with this group he was going round with he has friends who do do drugs still and unlike the others would never put pressure him to take part. I also worry about him going with other lasses im still not 100% sure it was only the 1 time when he cheated, i trust his word what he says nowadays but back then he was lying for England and ive accepted what happened happened i still feel haunted and like i need to be on my guard.
I know he loves me loads, we have a lovely family life nice home and he works hard to provide for us so why (especially this time of year) do i worry so much? Hes going to a friends house party on friday i cant go as no sitter but last year we both went and they were doing coke we didnt stay long but his friends said to him hes not allowed home early this time. He also went pub about 6 weeks ago and he bumped into my friend who then txt me and told me he was chatting to some lass very friendly, which made my heart jump into my mouth. He said it was just an old school lass who he has on fb nothing in it at all.
Has anyone been in my situation and can offer some words? Sorry its a long one btw. Just never chat about this as my family and friends dont understand they still think im mad for taking him back, my mum especially is waiting for him to screw up.
Thanks for reading
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Relationships
Can a leopard permanently change its spots? How can i stop worrying and feeling insecure - long story
tiamariaxxx · 18/12/2013 09:41
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