Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 36 37

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

My partner has posted videos of me on a porn website

905 replies

cannotfuckingbelievethis · 15/12/2013 08:19

I have namechanged as I'm mortified to think that this has happened.

Together 18yrs, 2 young DCS aged 5 and 3. Had the usual ups and downs you would expect during 18yrs together. Our sex life used to be pretty good, we experimented with different things and OH liked to take pictures of me which I wasn't into at first but then came round to the idea. As long as they were for his use only I didn't really have a problem but only let him take them when I felt like it. He was trying to spice things up over the last couple of months and recorded me a few times when we were having sex. I did not explicitly say "do not post these anywhere else" (because I shouldn't fucking have to I would have thought !) But I have mentioned in the past about how I would horrible it would be if a partner or an ex did this. So he knows my feelings on the subject.

When I found out last night I just asked him flat out why he did it. He said he liked the idea of people watching me and getting turned on. I said what about what I like and what I want ? He said he "thought" I would like it too. I told him I was fucking raging and wanted them off the site now and that he knew how I felt about it as I'd already said they were for him to watch and no one else.

I feel like such a fucking idiot. I know it was my decision to trust him but we're not talking about some teenager who is coerced into making a video. I've known him for a bloody lifetime. He doesn't seem to be seeing it as that big a deal and was kind of joking last night about "any chance of a blowjob then ?" I told him to fuck off.

Apart from all of the above which makes him sound like a complete prick he is a brilliant Dad and a good partner, though not the most affectionate. I could fucking kill him just now I'm so angry.

OP posts:

Report

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 15/12/2013 08:24

A good partner is someone you can trust implicitly, someone who has got your back. He is not a good partner. He has betrayed your trust and left you open to all the repercussions that can come from having this online.

If a friend did this would you still think they were a friend?

What. A. Nob.

SummerPlum · 15/12/2013 08:26

This was always what he was working towards, sorry. Your feelings and wishes mean nothing to him.

Now you know that, you just have to decide what to do.

cannotfuckingbelievethis · 15/12/2013 08:28

Not that it makes much difference but you can't see my face in any of the videos so I don't think I can be easily identified. It's the fact that he's done this when he already knew I didn't want it.

When I was ranting last night I said that what really fucks me off about him is his assumption that he knows what's best for me, or what I would like best.

OP posts:

cannotfuckingbelievethis · 15/12/2013 08:28

After 18 fucking years though ! We're not talking about someone I've only been seeing for a few months !

I am a tit.

OP posts:

Leviticus · 15/12/2013 08:30

How did you find out? Have they been taken down.

That's so awful OP. What a tosser.

moldingsunbeams · 15/12/2013 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Noflamingoshere · 15/12/2013 08:31

He's not a good partner or a brilliant dad.

Just ... This is unacceptable. I'd be packing his bags I'm afraid. Sorry you're going through this op.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 15/12/2013 08:32

He has no regard for your thoughts and feelings on this. I don't think it matters that this time you cannot see your face.

Where are these images? Start deleting now.

It's up to you if you want to spend your life with someone who treats you like a piece of meat.

Noflamingoshere · 15/12/2013 08:32

Even if they've been taken down from that site they will almost certainly have been downloaded and shared elsewhere.

GeordieCherry · 15/12/2013 08:32

You are not a tit. He most certainly is. Has he taken them down? Deleted the material?

What is he going to do to regain your trust?

DorothyBastard · 15/12/2013 08:32

How did you find out? Did he casually mention it? I would be extremely worried that the person who us supposed to love you and protect your welfare has completely exploited you for his own sexual gratification. Worryingly cold and heartless of him.

LegoCaltrops · 15/12/2013 08:34

That is awful. I think I would honestly leave my DH if he did this, and he is, like your DH, a good partner/dad in all other respects. I can't imagine any explanation that would ever let me trust someone again if they did this.

cannotfuckingbelievethis · 15/12/2013 08:36

Levi - he'd asked me to proof read an essay he is doing for a degree he is studying for. I was looking though the history of the websites he'd looked at came across the porn ones. I'm not anti porn (far from it if it's all consenting adults,blah, blah ) So I had a look to see what he had been looking at expecting to find something I could tease him about and say "oh aye, is that what you've been looking at when you're supposed to be studying"

Instead I found a video of me.

OP posts:

AntoinetteCosway · 15/12/2013 08:36

Oh my God. I would leave. That's unbelievable.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 15/12/2013 08:36

There's next to no point in taking them down.

These things are immediately copied into hundreds of sites. There are tools that download them, and people will reupload them as soon as you get them taken down.

It's really good that you aren't identifiable, but that doesn't really reduce the severity of this. I wouldn't be able to forgive him if he was the best partner on earth.

RandomMess · 15/12/2013 08:37

Make him leave and now. It's all about him and seems like it always has been.

cannotfuckingbelievethis · 15/12/2013 08:40

I don't know if they're still on the website. I'm sat downstairs with the DCs just now so don't want to be looking at them just now. Can't really bring myself to look either.

OP posts:

Noflamingoshere · 15/12/2013 08:41

even if they are now off that particular website they will have been downloaded and they will be somewhere else. I am so sorry.

LegoCaltrops · 15/12/2013 08:42

What a horrible way to find out. It doesn't sound like he was even planning to tell you! Agree with pp, tell him to leave, now. You need space to think/calm down, he needs to consider the consequences of what he's done. You can decide later, where to go from there.

onedev · 15/12/2013 08:43

Oh my goodness, that is shocking. I also think id have to leave or make him go as that's such a massive breach of trust. Sorry you're going through this - horrendous.

SMorgauseBordOfChristmasTat · 15/12/2013 08:44

Before you throw him out demand all copies of the videos and make sure they are deleted. Also find out if they are on other websites.

Do this before you throw him out.

He's despicable.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 15/12/2013 08:45

This would be something I couldn't move on from and would finish the relationship.

How dare he do this!

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

fiftyandfab · 15/12/2013 08:45

Ditto to the posters who say no point taking them down. Once these things are online, they're there FOREVER! Be in no doubt about that OP. Regardless of whether your face can't be seen or you can't be identified, are you OK with the thought that thousands/millions of people wankers are watching wanking over you being intimate with your partner?

What an idiotic, stupid, naïve, disrespectful, undeserving bastard. I'd have his balls on a fucking plate....

ZombieMojaveWonderer · 15/12/2013 08:45

Your husband has exploited you in the most horrendous way!
Personally even though you are not easily identifiable he has chosen to share your sex life with potentially everyone on the Internet. Someone you know could be using that video to get themselves off perhaps even a family member and that just makes me sick to my stomach.
How can you even say this man is a good husband and father when he has disrespected you so much, the mother of his children.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/12/2013 08:49

Once images are on the internet they stay on the internet and are further downloaded onto other sites. OP will likely never find them all.

Usually women write the good dad comment as a default coping mechanism because they themselves can think of nothing positive to write about their man.

Once trust is shattered it cannot be repaired. This man needs to leave and now.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 36 37

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.