I'm going to be 100% honest because I'm pretty close to a break down and I need actual advice. So I'm not going to gloss over and make things to be better than they are.
I don't want to be married anymore. I'm desperately unhappy, but I can't see a way out of it, apart from just not being alive anymore, I know that sounds dramatic but I said I'd be 100% honest and I have been thinking about it.
I've been married for 5 and a half years, together for nearly 8. My husband is stroppy, controlling and uses emotional blackmail constantly. But he's also a very good father, provides for us all. From the outside we look perfect. He does his fair share of housework/childcare, I can't fault him on that.
He doesn't like me seeing my friends. Constantly tells me we don't spend enough time together (I go out maybe once a week, twice maximum). All other evenings are spent with him.
I'm at university, he says he's supportive, pays for stuff for my course but when I have to go into uni early or stay later it goes back to the 'we never spend time together'. I don't know what he wants? If I don't work I'll fail. And I worked so hard to get into uni.
He's controlling about when I go out. He has to pick me up, he doesn't particularly like it when I make my own way there but sometimes I do. He guilts me into being picked up by midnight every time. I never ever give him a time to be home.
When I get in the car it's a million and one questions about who was there, who I hung out with, what I was doing. He's obsessed with my guy friends, he never asks about my girl friends. I went out a couple of weeks ago with a very good guy friend of mine from uni (dh has met his gf, spent time with him etc). I wore a skirt and tights, I always wear shorts over my tights to keep them up. When I got home dh was convinced that when I left my shorts were underneath my tights (they weren't, that would defeat the purpose) and he was OBSSESED with it. The next day he said he was sorry he didn't know why he was like it. Then for the next hour he kept asking questions about what I would do if he cheated on me. It was all very weird.
But nothing's change since the apology, or ever tbh, he's always been like this.
I can't take anymore, I feel like a prisoner.
I can't leave. We live with MIlL (to save for a house and so I could go to uni). If I left I'd have to leave uni because I have no money, nowhere to go. My Ds has mild sn and moving would completely disrupt him. I don't want to leave uni because it's the only thing that's keeping me happy and sane at the moment.
I don't know what to do. Right now he knows something is wrong and is trying to buy my affections which is just pissing me off even more.
Reading back it doesn't sound bad and I know some people have it so much worse, but 8 years really wares sways at you.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I'm going to be honest
headdesk · 08/12/2013 08:45
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