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"You'll never find anyone with two children"

(104 Posts)
NickysMam Mon 11-Nov-13 23:48:40

Said soon to be exH.

I posted a thread (or was it a reply?) that I left H when I was 17 weeks pregnant with my 2 year old DS due to emotional and physical abuse.

So I'm pregnant with DC2 and naturally we talk but only to do with DS and the pregnancy.

Today out of nowhere, he said on the phone "well, I'm laughing because I know for a fact that you'll never find anyone with two children. No man would go there, so enjoy the single life! And don't think you can crawl back to me either *hangs up*"

I will admit, I felt like absolute shit. I've never really thought about it as it's too soon after leaving but the fact may still remain.

Am I really destined to a life of loneliness (well not really I have my beautiful children, but you know what I mean)?

TwoStepsBeyond Wed 13-Nov-13 09:53:49

Dahlen your BF sounds lovely!

I liked Iris' point a while back too:

I think that having children takes the pressure off finding a man when you are a certain age

Times not ticking, you can be much more choosy and you will be as you have dc to consider

I specifically put on my dating profile that while I have DCs I wasn't looking for someone to play dad, they already have one of them, I wanted to meet someone for myself.

A lot of the men put "my children will always come first" which can be a bit off-putting for me. It goes without saying that when you have DCs they will be your priority, but there's nothing wrong with wanting some fun and a relationship purely for yourself, as a woman not a mum.

I would say that juggling the parenting styles of 2 different families is the main source of disagreement for me and DP, so getting together when you have DCs isn't as simple as it was first time around, but we work it out - mainly because he is a thoughtful and considerate man who weighs up the 2 sides to any argument.

I think the other benefit to meeting someone after you've both had kids is that you're more mature and and settled in general (well, most people are!) I would've hated DP when he was younger, sounds like he was a bit selfish, he smoked weed and wasn't really my type at all. However, since having DCs he grew up and is now exactly what I want in a man. (Interestingly it seems that his ex didn't really grow up when she had kids and is now with a man without DCs of his own who treats her quite badly by all accounts.)

Polynomial Wed 13-Nov-13 10:13:28

12 years ago my ex-boyfriend shouted that I'd never have a relationship again.

He recently tweeted that he hadn't had a girlfriend for 12 years! Yes, posting that is going to have the ladies flocking to him - not! grin

NickysMam Wed 13-Nov-13 11:23:59

oh no I lost my response..!

Basically, I appreciate all that's been said. I definitely agree, he said it to exercise his attempt to control me. Desperate man. Is it wrong for me to feel slightly sick at the thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with that man?

I just don't understand why he's bothering with all this since I'm a "stupid rebellious woman"? Surely he should be rejoicing at his freedom?

Thank goodness for MN, I'd be feeling like crap up until now I'm sure. I've definitely lost my self confidence over the years and I'm working on getting it back slowly buy surely!

SatinSandals Wed 13-Nov-13 11:36:39

I had that once 'you will be 40yrs and finished, alone and lonely'. At 40 yrs I was happily married with another child. I have no idea what happened to him and don't care enough to find out. Ignore.

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