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"You'll never find anyone with two children"

(104 Posts)
NickysMam Mon 11-Nov-13 23:48:40

Said soon to be exH.

I posted a thread (or was it a reply?) that I left H when I was 17 weeks pregnant with my 2 year old DS due to emotional and physical abuse.

So I'm pregnant with DC2 and naturally we talk but only to do with DS and the pregnancy.

Today out of nowhere, he said on the phone "well, I'm laughing because I know for a fact that you'll never find anyone with two children. No man would go there, so enjoy the single life! And don't think you can crawl back to me either *hangs up*"

I will admit, I felt like absolute shit. I've never really thought about it as it's too soon after leaving but the fact may still remain.

Am I really destined to a life of loneliness (well not really I have my beautiful children, but you know what I mean)?

MistAllChuckingFrighty Mon 11-Nov-13 23:50:38

huh ?

Did he mean that you will never find anyone who will take on your two children ?

What utter shit

I see people all around me, every single day, living in blended families etc

Why are you even having these conversations with him ?

Just tell him to shut the fuck up

SPsDoesntLikeChaffingFishnets Mon 11-Nov-13 23:51:08

My mum found someone and she had 5 children.

Ignore him, he wants you to feel shit. Tell him you would rather be alone than with him.

MirandaWest Mon 11-Nov-13 23:51:33

He's trying to hurt you.

I have two children and have been going out with a lovely man for the past 18 months. His XW told him that no one would ever want him. This was also untrue.

You may want to find someone else, you may not. But having two children definitely does not rule you out.

Shellywelly1973 Mon 11-Nov-13 23:52:52

No no no!!!

Omg! You're well rid of that twunt!

You will find someone when the times right. Take care of yourself & your dc. I will all fall into place when the times right.

NickysMam Mon 11-Nov-13 23:54:52

Horrendous typing. I left while I was 17 weeks pregnant (I'm 22 weeks now) and I left with DS in tow.

BearsBeetsBattlestarGalactica Mon 11-Nov-13 23:55:41

I have two children and have been with my lovely bf for nearly 9 months.

Your ex is talking out of his arse.

Bumblequeen Mon 11-Nov-13 23:56:08

What an awful thing to say.

The very same thing was said to my mum by a woman when we were toddlers and my df walked out of their relationship.

As a young mother she believed every word of it. She went on to meet men who were not willing to take on the whole package. Words are so powerful.

Llareggub Mon 11-Nov-13 23:56:40

I have two DCs and I separated from my exH nearly 2 years ago. I certainly haven't been short of male company since then. Admittedly a few of them weren't keen on stepfather hood but then I didn't want them for that. I've enjoyed finding out what I want from a relationship, and it has been excellent fun. Sometimes the best bit is just flirting with men in pubs and feeling desirable again, away from a dodgy marriage. I have pretty much loved my new single life. I've bet a potential good chap now though. ;-)

NickysMam Mon 11-Nov-13 23:56:51

thank you for your replies.

I never thought about it because it's not. priority for me but it did hurt when he said it.

I know people who have gotten in relationships with more than two children but it still made me feel like "oh gosh, what if he's right?"

One thing I know, is that I am well rid of him!

Cabrinha Mon 11-Nov-13 23:56:57

What a shit, and what a crock of shit!

I recently joined match.com and found I was only interested in approaches from men with kids as they'd understand my life more - and there were LOADS. The majority who contacted me had kids.

Met a guy locally, I have one, he has one. It's great! I love us hanging out as a 4some as much as I do the dates when it's just us. I fell in love with him (ssssshhhhh, haven't told him yet!) the first day he brought his son along, because I saw different, wonderful, qualities.

That's not to say a childless man won't fall for you too... but just wanted to share that I PREFERRED men with kids!

MistAllChuckingFrighty Mon 11-Nov-13 23:58:59

Stop having these sorts of conversation with him

When he starts, just cut him off without saying a word

My List; my Gran, had my Mum when she met my other GF; my friend who met a lovely man while sprogged up; my family member with 2 kids and a new DH and baby; more I could mention.

To misquote Churchill... your children will eventually leave home but he will always be a twunt.

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 12-Nov-13 00:01:50

He's talking absolute rubbish. When the time comes and you have healed, you will find that there are plenty of men out there.

I know. I've been.smile

NickysMam Tue 12-Nov-13 00:02:20

ahh Cabrina I'm happy for you!

I'll ignore his comments from now on. Good thing he hung up cause I probably would've given him the satisfaction.

I'm still focusing on getting ny children's and my life back on track so I'm not looking for a relationship but it's definitely reassuring to know that it's not over for me!

thank you all xx

Bumblequeen Tue 12-Nov-13 00:02:42

I am so glad that there are positive stories on here about women meeting men when they have children from previous relationships.

For years I wondered how my dm's life would have turned out if she were single and childless. For years I blamed myself for the life she lived. Either the men wanted her and not us or they generally treated her badly sad

NonnoMum Tue 12-Nov-13 00:03:33

You deserve better.

You'll raise those babies to be the best they can be.

How dare he? He's speaking to the mother of his children.

Your children deserve better than that, and IF (and it's only an if), you don't have a serious relationship again, you KNOW that NO partner is better than such an awful partner.

CosmicDespot Tue 12-Nov-13 00:04:12

My DM met my DF when she had three young sons. Has your XH never heard of step relatives? He sounds either very stupid or very nasty.

BOF Tue 12-Nov-13 00:05:36

Not at all!

If you are a woman who has got her shit together and is confident with an independent life, it's no barrier to the right kind of bloke.

My youngest is disabled, even, but it didn't stop DP of eight years falling in love with me.

Don't let your ex bully you.

JoinYourPlayfellows Tue 12-Nov-13 00:05:48

But he will also have two children confused

So presumably his stupid dickhead comment applies equally to his own circumstances?

Except in his case there are far more pressing problems than the children.

"You'll never find anyone while you are such an objectionable wanker."

BerstieSpotts Tue 12-Nov-13 00:06:36

He means that no man like him would go near someone with two children. Which is nice. At least you have a good twat filter grin Good riddance!

longjane Tue 12-Nov-13 00:08:19

No sure how old your ex is
But have you thought how many single childless women want to go with a father of 2 ?

BlatantRedhead Tue 12-Nov-13 00:09:29

He's talking utter bollocks and trying to manipulate you into going back to him. From his choice of words I think he wants you 'crawling' back.

Blended families are everywhere you look these days. He's clearly living pretty far back in the last century, when there was stigma around separating from your child's other parent and moving on to someone else.

NickysMam Tue 12-Nov-13 00:11:11

Berstiespotts good way to look at it. I'd rather be single than meet another man like him.

JoinYourPlayfellows my mum said the same thing. Unless he's already dropping hints that he's not interesting?

BOF I'm happy for you and it's so good to read that too!

I'm kind of blush at my insecurities really, but I was with him for almost 5 years and I dread going back into dating and he almost put me off the idea!

BlatantRedhead Tue 12-Nov-13 00:12:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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