Over 10 years ago I went on a date that went wrong. To this day I'm not entirely sure what happened, there are big chunks missing. I can't say that I was raped because I don't know if I was. I didn't know where i was and I was prevented from leaving though until the morning when my friend came along.
Afterwards my friends persuaded me to go to the police. They thought maybe I'd been drugged. I did have blood tests the next day but they came back clear. I also had swabs etc taken that weren't sent off. I didn't want to accuse someone of raping me if I wasn't 100% sure. Maybe not the decision I'd make now but that was then.
Anyway I thought I'd dealt with this a long time ago. I was a mess for a while and put on a lot of weight to stop men from fancying me.
A few years ago I was staying in a hotel and had a panic attack because the corridors were similar.
Apart from that I haven't thought about it for a long time. I thought it was over and done with. It's not been a problem.
Last night I was chatting in bed with my Dp I said something that reminded me of it and then bang, i couldn't breath properly, started thinking about it again. I didn't tell Dp what was wrong, he was lovely saying I didn't have to tell him what was wrong but he would be there if I wanted to tell him.
I couldn't sleep and just kept going over it in my mind.
I just don't understand where it's come from. I thought I had dealt with it long ago and it wasn't an issue anymore. Now it's all I can think of.
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Why has this come back now? (Possible trigger warning)
12 replies
Wonderwhy123 · 06/11/2013 06:51
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