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What's the longest anyone on here has been able to maintain a long distance relationship?

(25 Posts)
treehouselover Tue 05-Nov-13 21:36:33

I'm talking about being a decent journey apart (let's say an hour plus) and only able to see each other at weekends.

Whether this is due to working away, commitments where you both live, or just choosing to live apart.

Just to kick off, we're approaching 8 years, but it's starting to cause problems.

SweetSeraphim Tue 05-Nov-13 21:39:11

8 YEARS??? Fuck that. Unless you choose it, it's untenable imo.

I can see the reasons for choosing it though!

treehouselover Tue 05-Nov-13 21:47:51

Yes it does seem a bit bonkers. Not sure how we got here really. Neither of us consciously chose it, but it does have its pluses. Especially in the early years. No arguing over who puts the bins out! I quite like slobbing around in my PJs after work and still putting on my best pants and shaving my legs for the weekends.

Just happened because we met online and both have DC who see a lot of their other parent.

I was just wondering if anyone else had lasted that long. What about if one partner works abroad all week?

QueenoftheSarf Tue 05-Nov-13 21:49:09

I successfully maintained a long distance relationship for almost two years with someone living in another country but that was out of sheer necessity because circumstances meant we couldn't be together in the same place. Of course, as soon as we could be, we were.

Out of interest, what is stopping you being together, assuming that's what you both want?

If it's not what you both want, is it really worth all the bother? In my experience long distance relationships are emotionally draining and not for the faint-hearted. I can't imagine why anyone would want to put themselves through it out of choice.

SweetSeraphim Tue 05-Nov-13 21:49:16

I couldn't do it, personally. I met my stbxh online years ago and we maintained it for about a year til I moved to be with him. If we hadn't done that, it would have fizzled out. I think you've done really well to last 8 years!

10 years, DH stopped working away 6.5 years ago when DS2 was a baby. Wouldn't want to go back to it now though.....mind you the odd night to myself would be good!

Blondeorbrunette Tue 05-Nov-13 21:51:16

Three years. I lived in London he lived in Birmingham.

Minty82 Tue 05-Nov-13 21:51:37

Nine months, an hour's flight apart. It ended for many, many good reasons though, none of which had anything to do with distance.

QueenoftheSarf Tue 05-Nov-13 21:51:38

Also, a long distance relationship with someone in another country is nothing like one with someone in the same country that you can see every weekend. That's a whole different kettle of fish and very workable compared to what I put up with, or what someone with a bloke in the forces has to put up with for example.

treehouselover Tue 05-Nov-13 21:57:16

Yes Queen I agree. A LDR carried out almost entirely by computer / phone must be awful and could no way last this long. We see each other most weekends, and do Christmas, holidays etc together.

In answer to your earlier question, I think it's not what either of us want and never has been, but it was all that was available. Neither of us was prepared to move our kids away from their other parent. He has his kids 50% of the time and I have mine 6 days a week.

thehairy - 10 years! wow. Especially because you then managed to live together successfully.

Kundry Tue 05-Nov-13 22:03:51

2.5 years and counting - on our honeymoon we realised it was the longest time we'd spent with each other.

We are proper long distance ie different countries - when we started we were at least in the same country so saw each other most weekends. At best now we will see each other once a month, at worst it might not be for another 2 months. We Skype every night. Even if we get back in the same country, we are likely to be looking at weekends only.

What works is the Skype contact every night, lots of similar interests and similar goals in life - and realising we didn't find each other easily so we are unlikely to find a new partner easily either. We don't have DCs but have similar attitudes ie if we don't live together, it won't happen - and are both of an age where we beginning not to expect them either. Long distance relationships are also v normal in DH's work.

However it is draining. Dropping DH off at the airport when we were in mid argument was awful. Some things take ages to resolve because we aren't around each other enough.

Maybe ask me again when we've got to 8 years?!

EeyoreIsh Tue 05-Nov-13 22:06:13

Three years, but only two hours apart. It was weekends and holidays only.

We're now very happily married and loving seeing each other every day grin

captainbarnacle Tue 05-Nov-13 22:07:48

6.5 years and counting. Only see him every 3 months and talk on phone once a fortnight.

Don't ask me how!

MinesAPintOfTea Tue 05-Nov-13 22:15:47

4 years. We nearly fell apart after 2 when it became clear that circumstances would require us to come for another 2.

QueenoftheSarf Tue 05-Nov-13 22:24:14

Aww Treehouselover that's hard but you are both making the sacrifice for your respective children so I really commend you for that. Plenty of parents would think nothing of putting their own needs first.

Hopefully your time will come but it's hard to see when that might be as the situation with not wanting to move children from their other parent/be away from their children is likely to be an ongoing one I'd imagine.

Make the most of the time you have together. Not every relationship is conventional in terms of living in the same space. If you can find a way to make it work for you, don't over analyse it too much. So what if you don't "conform" to a social stereotype? As long as you're all happy as one big family that's all that matters.

treehouselover Tue 05-Nov-13 22:38:59

Yes Queen there's no chance of us moving in together for at least another 5 years, and that's assuming his youngest goes off to university as soon as she can, and his older ones don't want to come home when they finish!

There's no way either of us will move now. If we were going to move any of the kids it would have been before secondary. The opportunity has gone now I think.

TBH I'm not sure we'll last another 5 years.

captainbarnacle - OK I won't ask, but seriously, HOW?!

Mumof3girlys Tue 05-Nov-13 22:51:24

2 years! Also meet online and live a hours drive apart, mostly see each other just weekends started off just sat/Sunday nights but over summer we changed it to him working from mine on a Monday and on a fri he try's to either come over on his own or with son so we try to have 3/4 nights together, though that doesn't work all the time!

It tough and we have spekem about moving in but just don't think it would work, not sure we could live together full time!
And we do like our free time apart.

Guess I'm starting to think for lots of other reasons also if we actually have a future together

EBearhug Tue 05-Nov-13 23:20:15

About 7 years. Hour to the airport, time through security and so on, hour on the flight, 15 minutes at his end. The thing that ended it was that he didn't seem particularly bothered about booking the next flights, and while I don't doubt he enjoyed me staying, I think he'd have been just as happy with someone else staying over. It wasn't going to move forward.

We're still friends. And it was good for my German.

chipshop Wed 06-Nov-13 00:33:39

DP and I lived two hours apart for three years. We both work long hours and he's abroad a lot so we could only see each other twice a month for a night or two.

It was very romantic as we made the most of every minute we spent together. It was great in the bedroom too, we always wanted to ravish each other!

But I always knew it couldn't carry on forever as I wanted to look ahead to marriage and babies. Now we live together and things are progressing nicely.

EBearhug Wed 06-Nov-13 21:23:53

I've only ever had distance relationships or one night stands. There is something inadequate in my ability to sustain a proper relationship, I think.

EndoplasmicReticulum Wed 06-Nov-13 21:28:32

3 years, while we were both at university.

I think it's different when you're young and childless though, wouldn't want to do it now.

CuttedUpPear Wed 06-Nov-13 21:31:45

Nearly 6 years. An hour apart now, but for the first year we were in different countries.

It gets to me sometimes. So much that I have issued and let go of ultimatums.

However now I am thinking that just when the end seems to be in sight, I am going off the idea of us living together.

Terrortree Thu 07-Nov-13 00:41:30

15 years and counting. I see my husband just five or six times a year.

HogFucker Thu 07-Nov-13 10:34:55

On and off for 16 years! Lots of distance commuting (ie working away during the week).

HogFucker Thu 07-Nov-13 10:43:28

Actually, that's probably inaccurate - only usually away 3-4 days a week at a time, with the occasional week away. In some ways it's helped keep things fresh as when he is away we look forward to him coming back and things don't get taken for granted.

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