I'm a first time poster sorry if it's long!
I'm married just over 2 yrs been together nearly 4 and have a 7wk old and a 19 month old.
My oh has always enjoyed a drink but I don't think I really noticed how much until I stopped drinking while pregnant and bf as we both went out a lot. Oh has always been quite jealous and started arguments if he thinks someone fancies me despite no encouragement from me or me giving any reason to doubt me. He only ever starts when he's had a drink.
He goes to the pub everyday after work saying he needs to unwind. We have our own business and some weeks he works 7 days. He comes back by 6 maybe 4 days but stays out later the other days. He also drinks when he comes home. I have concerns he is an alcoholic but he denies this.
I am a sahm although before our second baby was born I worked a couple of days a week at our business doing physical work until about 6 months pregnant. I also do the administration side of things. At home I do everything; cleaning, washing, shopping etc plus I do everything for the girls (oh does bath eldest most nights if he is in). I cook a meal when I can but some days don't know what time oh will be in or as I'm bf on demand and have a toddler I just don't have chance.
In the last few months oh has not been eating properly and blames me. He thinks I should cook a meal for him every night but only says this when he's had a drink. Other times if he's only had a couple of pints I'll start cooking but he'll tell me to sit down and he'll do it. I make him sandwiches for lunch most days and have started buying him ready made shakes to have for breakfast. If he doesn't have his lunch he is obviously drinking on an empty stomach so comes in quite drunk.
He regularly tells me when drunk that I don't do anything, I don't give him enough affection, it's my fault he's not eating etc. Tonight he came in at 6 having been to the pub at lunchtime to watch the football. His speech was slurred so I said he sounded drunk to which he replied he knew he spunded drunk but he wasn't. We had a chat about the day then he bathed eldest then started to make tea when he came back down. I said I wasn't very hungry so just to sort himself. He then complained I'd put new chips on top of old ones in the freezer and went up for a bath. I followed him upstairs to ask if something was wrong and somehow it escalated into the worst argument ever. He accused me of pushing him away all the time, never doing anything, said the reason he goes to the pub is cos he's got nothing to come home to. It was awful and all so untrue I ended up pushing him then slapping him. I know this was wrong but he was really shouting loads of lies about me and calling me a terrible wife when everything I do is for him and the dcs.
He is going away on business tomorrow for three days and I said he could consider it a trial separation. This is now the third time it has got to this stage, I have twice asked him to leave but the next morning he has promised things will change. They do for a while but then the same arguments start. He regularly tells me how much he loves me, how I mean the world to him but then treats me like dirt. He even tells me everyone agrees with him and I am a nasty piece of work!
When it's good it's really great and we're so in tune but the bad times are getting more frequent and I don't know if I can put up with it any more. I love him when it's good but he makes me feel worthless and useless when it's bad. I don't know if he can change but I don't want our beautiful girls to be affected as they grow up. Sorry it's so long but I really need some advice sd not really got anyone in rl to share this with.
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help - is this emotional abuse?
45 replies
loopdaloo · 27/10/2013 20:41
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