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Ex invited us out for a meal - feel awful now

(66 Posts)
awakemysoull Sun 27-Oct-13 16:56:59

I recently separated from my partner of 3 years because he was a massive twat.

I have dd1 from a previous relationship and we habe dd2 together.

we have been civil towards each other and he has been visiting the kids a couple of times a week.

I called him earlier today to ask if he would mind giving me and dcs a lift to the supermarket. dd2 has been in and out of hospital the past week with bronchiolitis (sp?) so I havent had a chance to get to the shops. He took the car when we split up so I rely on public transport now.

he said that he could take me tomorrow because he would like to take me and the dcs out for a meal tonight.

I said that would be great and he would pick us up at 6.

I have had several texts over the past half hour saying that he has called the all you can eat buffet in advance to warn them I was coming so they could put more food out, that I should go and buy some bigger clothes because I always look ridiculous and embarrass him, that I need to give him some petrol money because the heavier the car is, the more fuel it uses.

I feel so blush and sad now

ive lost a stone the past 2 weeks and start the Cambridge plan again on tuesday so the weight is coming off but I just feel awful now. im currently 5'8 and a size 20

I told him to fuck the fuck off so now ill have to go to the supermarket in the pouring rain on the bus to get stuff for tea.

I hate how even after we have split he can still make me feel so low and worthless

I thought I was doing well, obviously not.

any advice about future contact?

cozietoesie Sun 27-Oct-13 17:51:50

Does he have access to that bank account?

bleedingheart Sun 27-Oct-13 17:55:56

I think it's about control. He wants you to fall apart without him so the fact you are coping, have lost weight etc goes against his plan (who takes all the food when they move out? Seriously? What a tool!).

I genuinely don't think you should be looking to take these comments upon yourself as truth or fact. He sounds like a very angry man, trying to get a reaction.

He is also incredibly selfish and childish.
You are well rid.

He doesn't have access to your account does he? He won't have taken money?

bleedingheart Sun 27-Oct-13 17:56:48

X-post with cozie re: access to funds.

Have you any family that you can call and either borrow money or get supplies from?

Has he been taking money?

PrincessFlirtyPants Sun 27-Oct-13 18:01:12

angry angry what an absolute cunt! That is a disgusting thing to say to anyone , let alone the mother of his children.

Well done on the weight loss, that's brilliant! You should be proud of yourself! You are doing well, do not let him make you think or feel otherwise.

moldingsunbeams Sun 27-Oct-13 18:03:28

"He's doing it because you lost the weight and are managing without him."

This , he cannot cope because you are managing.
Does he have access to your account? Could he have taken the money if you do not understand why it is not there? Do you have family you can go to?

If not get referred to a food bank asap they should refer you as an emergency, do you have anything for tonight?

Where are you?

CinnabarRed Sun 27-Oct-13 18:05:45

Are you getting maintenance from him for DD2? How about DD1's father, is he paying his dues?

If not, CSA.

Short term: can you parents lend you a bit until your XP can put some money in your account?

Do you bank online? Find out exactly what has come out. Is it possible your X has access?

IAmNotAMindReader Sun 27-Oct-13 18:12:23

He is not truthful. Are you going to eat so much you will eat an entire restaurants worth of food? NO, thought not.

No matter what your size you can buy clothes which flatter your figure so you only look a mess because you have either taken on his view point and think you look a state no matter what, or you don't bother trying because he says you always look a state.

Either way you need to get this addressed or you will be stuck with such a poor body image that you will still think you look a sight even when you have reached your target weight.

He's a complete tosser who wants you crawling in the dirt at all times. Who takes all the food in the house with them when they leave and leaves their children starving? ONLY a complete tool.

His opinion is worthless because it is only proffered as a tool to keep you so far below him you think you are an amoeba where the truth is regardless of looks his personality puts him in the protozoa league and you far in the stars.

If you don't know what has come out is it possible he's been even more of a tosser when the nasty texts didn't have you crawling in the dirt enough for him and he's emptied your bank. Check your online statement asap and get a new card issued with a different pin and tell your bank the situation.

In the meantime is there anyone you can borrow a bit of cash or bag of food from to help out?

TheCrackFoxFucker Sun 27-Oct-13 18:13:59

Is it a joint account that he has cleaned out.

He sounds vile. He has left you penniless with no food and 2 children.

SweetSeraphim Sun 27-Oct-13 18:45:32

Do you have anyone you can borrow from OP? I would give you some money but I don't have any myself! Are you friends with your neighbours? Could they lend you some bread/milk/eggs or something?

cjel Sun 27-Oct-13 18:52:02

Have you sorted anything OP?

awakemysoull Sun 27-Oct-13 19:35:30

Hi sorry I've just got back on.

My dad has came through with some cash for me and took me to the supermarket. I've got enough to do me a few days now until I get the chance for a bigger shop.

I get paid on Wednesday so not too bad.

I had £70 in that account and it's gone. I don't think he has access but I won't put it past him. I phoned the bank who can't tell me anything until it actually clears so maybe tomorrow or Tuesday.

Dd1 is being fed and I'll get her to bed

I am so angry angry angry now rather than sad

Fuck him

I'll lose all the weight and show him I can do it

cjel Sun 27-Oct-13 19:56:37

So pleased you are sorted for a bit, glad dd is fedsmile Try not to waste any feelings on him. Get on with your diet and good life. The best revenge is to be happy and live wellxx

Shakey1500 Sun 27-Oct-13 19:58:48

What a nasty twat.

Bloody good for you thanks

cjel Sun 27-Oct-13 20:07:15

Also loose the weight and DON'T show him ,its non of his business!!!!

Thewalkingdeadkr Sun 27-Oct-13 20:13:12

Glad it's sorted, he was trying to put you in your place.
It's so pathetic it's almost funny.
Size 20 doesn't mean you are massive either, I have a gorgeous mate that size and she is extremely attractive,she gets a lot of male attention too.
Lose the weight for sure but in the meantime don't be too hard on yourself.
You are very funny too, your opening line made me laugh out loud.

SweetSeraphim Sun 27-Oct-13 20:18:58

Good for you awake That's what I like to hear grin

Fuck him, the arsehole. You don't need him. This turnaround to anger has made me happy thanks

PrincessKitKat Sun 27-Oct-13 20:28:20

What a disgusting man, leaving his own children without food.

And what a hideous troll, setting you up & using your goodwill just for an opportunity to hurt you.

Remember this episode - not for the untruthful things he said - but for how awful he made you feel and how he left your children hungry, and next time he wants you to be civil and reasonable, tell him to go fuck himself.

Well done on your weight loss thanks

notanyanymore Sun 27-Oct-13 20:40:29

I'm speechless! What a nasty nasty cunt! He doesn't even give enough of a shit about his ill child not to use it as an excuse to put the boot in? He doesn't deserve the opportunity to interact with any of you and more to the point you don't deserve to have to interact with that!

ThePinkOcelot Sun 27-Oct-13 20:44:56

What a nasty bastard! At least you are losing weight OP and he will still be a nasty twat!
Why don't you do your shopping online? It will save you trekking on the bus.
Take no notice of him, you are well rid. x

Thants Sun 27-Oct-13 20:45:29

What an arsehole. Please don't justify your weight to him and explain you are losing weight. There is nothing wrong with you he is just trying to hurt in a way he knows how!
Do not speak to him any longer unless it essential to do with the kids.
Why does he have the car when your the one taking care of the children?
As a suggestion to make things easier for you do online food shopping. It is much less stressful.

OvaryAction Sun 27-Oct-13 21:02:23

Another one for online shopping here, asda have an offer on delivery atm. £15 for three months delivery.

Also check out a girl called jack for v cheap and healthy recipes.

He's a cunt. There is nothing wrong with you and your worth cannot be measured with the bathroom scales. You deserve so much better than this abusive wanker.

Stick to doorstop handovers and all contact made through email. I would consider changing your bank account so that you are certain he can't access it. Don't ask him for any favours and don't give him any opportunities to bully you like this.

goonyagoodthing Sun 27-Oct-13 21:02:39

OP I am 5'8" and a size 20, and while I would like to be smaller (wouldn't we all?) I know you are not the massive whale you think you are.

The best weight you ever lost was the 13 or 14 stone of arse in the form of your Ex. If he makes himself feel better by knocking someone else down then it says FAR more about him than it does about you.

Junebugjr Sun 27-Oct-13 21:03:40

You can always lose weight OP, he'll always be an arsehole. Your weight is just a red herring, if you were size 8, he would just find something else to batter your self esteem with.

I really wouldn't waste your energy anymore on him.
The most important thing is sorting financial things out like applying to CSA, tax credits etc, and make sure he has no access to your bank account. I'd seek advice from a solicitor about access too, and nail it down firmly. Get sorted with online shopping too, can't think of much worse than a load of shopping bags in the freezing cold!
Concentrate on making a new life for you and your girls and ignore this prick xxx

Inthequietcoach Sun 27-Oct-13 21:50:46

Well, thumbs up for your dad. So glad that you have some food and someone you can call to help, who will help. I don't have words for someone who will take food from cupboards, leave children hungry, and verbally abuse their mother when she asks for help feeding them.

You need to ignore this excuse of a man as much as you can, and make sure he has no access to your money, your time, or your feelings. If dcs need to go for contact, have you someone else who can take them? Protect yourself. Agree with getting legal advice; he clearly does not have their wellbeing at heart.

If you want to lose weight, do it for you, you don't need to show him anything. Entirely agree that if it wasn't your weight, it would be something else.

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