MASSIVE EFFING RANT

[killpeppa]

I just need to vent!!!

I had DS2 in march. DS1 had just turned one and I was feeling like shit.
SO- i went on a diet, a planned to run 5k get a better body than pre pregnancy.

I worked hard & it paid off.
I ran 5k and ran it well.

During all of this me and DH were fighting, on the rocks, he was paranoid that id cheat/had cheated.

One day my 'bestfriend' came round for a cuppa with her DS, chit chatting away and she starts talking about a night out we had had a couple of months before, dont know where she is going with it but i listen politely as my mother taught me, shes talking alot about DH, shes talking about when she came to ours to wait for a lift and i went to bed because my run was the next day, shes telling me about sitting on the sofa with me DH and watching a movie...
I still didnt know what the fuck she was getting at!!
AM I FUCKING BRAINDEAD, im just sitting nodding along, bile rising in my throat.

HE CHEATED ON ME WHILE I WAS IN BED UPSTAIRS!!!
SERIOUSLY, WTF.

Apparently I hadnt been paying him attention and I was busy with the kids and he felt left out.
SHE sat beside me at my wedding, i arranged her baby shower, she continued to chat away to me after this happend about the kids and asking advice.

Its been two months since i found out, I put all the weight back on, if hes going to cheat when im the skinniest ive been since i was 14 then why bother.
Im now happy in my own body.

We have been trying to work it out for the kids, I just dont know if thats working any more, everyday theres a fight, everyday theres a big arugment, havnt had sex in a good while.
The only thing stopping me going is im a SATM whith no saving, NO idea about help with getting my own place or benefits to get me out on my own.
I have a post in divorce/seperation but i needed to rant the full story.

[FrankieStien]

Oh shit, I'm so sorry

[FrankieStien]

Have you talked to citizens advice?

[killpeppa]

just on the phone to housing advice there so they gave me lots of information about housing.
Going to look into the other stuff now.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Well I hope you tipped the rest of the cuppa over the best friend right before you drop kicked her out of the door. So sorry... what a horrible way to find out.

Glad you're taking advice on separation. Are you seeing a solicitor? As a married woman with DCs you're actually in a relatively strong position. Don't be too hasty to move out... that's the penalty for the cheating DH. Tell him to leave.

[FrankieStien]

I wonder how she expected you to react.
"You've shagged my husband? Thats nice dear, would you like ?"

You're better off without both of them.

[killpeppa]

We are just trying to sort stuff between us, atm.

I left after i found out, walked out with the kids before he got home from work. he knew i was going but he didnt know where.

I couldnt pay the rent if he moved out, he takes care of all the bills

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

He has a continued financial responsibility to you and the children. Any shared assets are 50/50 yours as well.

[killpeppa]

we dont have much in assets- a little bits of savings.
No car
Private rent.

We only got married last october, we were just starting out.
Im only 21, so its not like I had years of savings behind me when we met, I was 17 when we met, i was 19 when left work when I was pregnant with DS1 as we had a previous MC and I was a care assistant.

[Whatnext074]

I'm so sorry for you and what a horrendous way to find out.

The law is on your side, if you didn't have DCs then you would be working f/t but instead you have been doing an important job in bringing up DCs and keeping a home so your H can go to work. Therefore you have financially and emotionally contributed to the marriage and this will be taken into account. If he has a pension too then you may be given a % of that as you have been unable to work and build up your own pension.

Right now it's a terrible shock to be betrayed by these two people. See a solicitor, most do free consultations, see more than one if you need to, I have.

Take care, you'll get lots of advice and support on here.

[Anniegetyourgun]

Ah well, we know why he was so paranoid about you cheating then. Projection much?

"But you were getting so fit and looking so good I was sure you'd cheat" is possibly the feeblest excuse for adultery I've ever heard. (XH used that very line, but not as an excuse for shagging around. Or... did he? I'll probably never know now.) And for those who say "keep yourself in shape otherwise your man will stray", here's a poke in the eye. Basically, if they're going to do it they'll find a reason, even if it's a total non-reason.

I do wonder what was going through your (ex) friend's mind, but it's probably just as well she was a terminal motormouth otherwise you might never have found out. You'd have carried on trying to fix a relationship that was on the rocks for a reason you didn't even know about, and justifying your behaviour/whereabouts due to someone else's misbehaviour. Doomed to failure in the long term, surely.

[killpeppa]

I wasnt doing it for him at the start- it was for me but it turned into him being more concerned about my weight than me. jackass

This might shock but... the week before i found out my other friend one festival tickets and invited me, it was two days so I though you know what he is out all the time so Im gonna take up the offer of a free break.
I had a great time, he had the kids.

When i got back a few nights later we were going to have sex, I went to get a condom ( no more little suprises DS2 was a shocker), and they wernt where they were kept. After asking him he told me..
HE COUNTED THEM AND HID THEM BEFORE I LEFT INCASE I TOOK SOME WITH ME!!!

The more i actually get this out, the bigger mug i feel.

[bragmatic]

Start running again. Get your anger out that way. He's a prick and you're well shot. You have the rest of your life ahead of you.

[kimdeal]

Interesting how people project onto others - all this hiding of condoms, worrying you're cheating...and it's exactly what he's doing/done.
You don't need this (obvs).
And to echo Bragmatic, you've got your whole life ahead of you.
Wishing you all the best!

[killpeppa]

well to update, ive arranged an appointment with my local housing executive who have said that as their has been a breakdown in the relationship that I am classed as homeless as my living situation is not appropriate.

So I get a call next week about applying.
Never thought Id see myself applying for all this stuff but I guess needs must to get myself on my feet.

Its a scary thought but once settled I can look at jobs and start a clean slate.

[ChilledGhost]

Good for you Peppa, hope it goes as well as it can for you. I was in the same situation as you and I cut that "friend" out of my life slowly till I don't even know where they are now.

[killpeppa]

chilledghost I had some heated emails to here where I told her where she could stick herself (he OT had cheated on her and I helped her through it then she puts me in the same situation)

She lives with another friend so I have kinda just cut a group for 3 friends out of my life- but I have made plenty more friends since and reconnected with old friends who now have children:)