Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What is this and how would you deal with it?

52 replies

Sparklysilversequins · 17/10/2013 22:38

You're going out for the day and your DP is irritable. So he says things like:-

"brushed your teeth kids?" kids say not yet, DP says in a shocked voice "really?! Well that should part of your daily routine, does Mummy not tell you to do it every day because you really should know that by now". Accompanied by tutting and head shaking.

Or

"have you got your coats kids? No? Well we really should be taking a ruck sack with all these things in YOU shouldn't have to worry about this! Do you usually not take one with you? Tut tut" head shaking.

Or

"yes we are going to have to rush now kids because we are leaving twenty minutes later than we said we would because Mummy had a bath, so let's be quick.". (Mummy has got herself and two dc ready while daddy got himself ready).

How would you respond to this? Thanks.

OP posts:

Report

BunnyLebowski · 17/10/2013 22:41

I believe the technical term is

Being a passive aggressive cunt.

ImperialBlether · 17/10/2013 22:41

I'd respond by visiting a solicitor. My ex BIL was like this - I never understood why my lovely SIL stayed with him. She became a shadow of her former self.

Sparklysilversequins · 17/10/2013 22:41

.

OP posts:

BelleDameSansMerci · 17/10/2013 22:41

I'd ask why he's being such a passive aggressive arse...

Why is parenting Mummy's job? Is he not equally responsible?

ImperialBlether · 17/10/2013 22:42

But yes, it's passive aggressive behaviour. Horrible.

ImperialBlether · 17/10/2013 22:42

It's gaslighting, too, as he's persuading his own family that things aren't actually as they are.

ScaryFucker · 17/10/2013 22:43

This passive aggressive arsefuckery

I wouldn't "deal with it" because that infers acceptance. It would stop, or his backside out the door.

ScaryFucker · 17/10/2013 22:44

This is

BunnyLebowski · 17/10/2013 22:44

If you haven't already done so, tell him to stop doing it. He's being an immature wanker and is criticising you to your kids.

Are there reasons he can't do the tasks he's criticising you for?? Is he this horrible in all aspects of your relationship?

A verbal toe up the hole might be the best place to start.

Sparklysilversequins · 17/10/2013 22:44

This isn't me by the way but I have witnessed it many times in a family members relationship. They end up having big screaming rows but she says she cannot put a name to what he is doing hence other family members think she is overreacting and hysterical . I DON'T. I just wanted a name for it to tell her. I said PA as well but wasn't sure it was quite right.

OP posts:

BunnyLebowski · 17/10/2013 22:46

That's horrible Sparkly

The poor woman is being severely gaslighted.

What a cunt. She should get rid.

Sparklysilversequins · 17/10/2013 22:46

Hr doesn't do any parenting imo but thinks he does when he is pulling her up for all the "mistakes" she's making.

OP posts:

Glenshee · 17/10/2013 22:57

This is so bad it really makes me physically sick to picture these scenes :(

ImperialBlether · 17/10/2013 22:57

I'm glad he isn't your husband - he sounds really horrible.

Glenshee · 17/10/2013 22:59

How awful to be undermined like this, for no reason, and with no warning. I bet Mommy has anxiety attacks as a result, which are all her problem too!

onefewernow · 17/10/2013 23:00

Yep. Total PA asshole.

Sparklysilversequins · 17/10/2013 23:00

She had a nervous breakdown a couple of years ago glenshee .

Your posts are extremely helpful, I will be showing them to her.

OP posts:

Sparklysilversequins · 17/10/2013 23:02

ALL of your posts that is.

OP posts:

Glenshee · 17/10/2013 23:07

You're welcome Sparklysilversequins. So sad :(

ilovebowie · 17/10/2013 23:13

I would record the next load of shit that comes out of his petulant, lemon pouty lips and ask him he thinks that was acceptable?

What a ridiculous man.

ImperialBlether · 17/10/2013 23:14

I think one piece of advice I'd be giving her is to record him, without telling him, because that sort of thing makes you feel like you're going mad. Later he will tell her she's wrong to think he's said anything like that, so hearing the recording again will confirm her sanity.

ImperialBlether · 17/10/2013 23:15

Cross post, bowie!

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

PedantMarina · 17/10/2013 23:17

Tell her to LTB. From me.

Sparklysilversequins · 17/10/2013 23:22

"petulant, lemon pouty lips"

OP posts:

bubalou · 17/10/2013 23:34

Love these replies.

My response for such a passive aggressive little twat would be to walk up to him when he says it and stand as close as I can get - inches from his face and say 'do you have a problem with something'.

I'd love to see his reply. Or you can play him at his game 'oh I wonder what it feels like to only have to look after yourself and to sit around and scratch yourself all day'.

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.