Exp told me he didn't love me anymore six months ago.
My first instinct was to run away with the kids. My parents moved four hours away ten years ago, down by the sea, and I've been struggling with parenthood since then, having been diagnosed with PND soon after the birth of DD (now 11).
We moved down to Dorset at the end of August, initially living with my parents and then renting a house from a private landlord through a letting agency. We've been in the house almost a month now and finally got the majority of our stuff from the old house last week.
I've been falling apart since Ex decided to end things but I'm slowly getting worse. I feel like I want to go to bed in the evening and not wake up the next morning.
I'm angry at Ex for not giving me any explanation about why his feelings changed, how he could just abandon me to single motherhood (knowing how much I struggle being a Mum as it is), for leaving me with the fallout of explaining to the kids about us splitting (DD figured it out for herself, DS1 (8) was told recently that Daddy won't be coming to live with us at the new house, DS2 (5) doesn't really understand or care one way or another).
I've just cooked tea, which DS2 roundly rejected without even trying it (very common, he is extremely fussy) and DS1 has barely touched. The new house has an electric cooker which I can't cope with so I ended up burning the chicken to the pan.
DS2 has had a massive strop over not being able to play the Wii and DS1 had a meltdown over the choice of DVD they were all watching. They've both done the jumping up and down, stomping up the stairs, screaming at me thing.
Then Ex phoned, at which point I told him I was sick of everything and that I would quite happily have all three kids adopted. He spoke to both boys and told them to apologise, but I said I didn't want their half-hearted apologies, which they didn't mean anyway.
After he went, I was angry and upset and told the kids that next time they see Daddy to ask HIM why he's not living here, because he wanted to leave Mummy and not the other way round and if it was up to me we'd still all be living together in our old house (that was mortgaged and decent, as opposed to the new place which has damp and insects in the kitchen cupboards and is disgusting to live in).
Now DD and DS1 have been crying and I feel like absolute shit. I feel sick and tired of having to live this shit life (and drag them along with me) when I didn't choose this and I had no choice in the matter. I feel like no one's getting anything out of this and that I'm making everyone around me unhappy because I'm so bloody unhappy all the time. It's not fair on the kids and I'm completely at the end of my tether and feeling lost.
I don't even know why I'm posting or what I'm looking for. It's either post on here (and just unload I suppose) or throw myself in the sea.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Lost it and told the kids it's Daddy's fault we're not living with him
Heartbrokenmum73 · 16/10/2013 19:58
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