26th aug I came downstairs in evening and saw my partner of seven years looking at a profile of a woman on his phone, there was some writing and then he flipped to a picture of her naked. I knocked on the window and disturbed him at this point. He wouldnt let me look at his phone, said it was just porn, he loves me, nothing to be worried about.
This got me suspicious, so checked his phone bill in the morning, 100's of calls to one number, some late at night. I text him asking who's number it was. He said a friend of his sons mum and dad. The texts were most days, always her and not me. Anyway eventually admits, he and this woman are friends. He said id never have accepted it so thats why he hid it. Felt so betrayed that it had been her and not me all the time. Anyway I decided to forgive this and try and move on, he swore they were just friends.
Fast forward 3 weeks, we've been making a go of it and quite happy at times, I open his bank statement and he'd joined an internet sex dating site on the 16th aug. That was obviously what I caught him looking at the night I became suspicious. I confronted him, he says he joined coz he was stupid, that he's never cheated. He said he felt guilty and cancelled his membership, but not until i caught him.
So here I am, i am devastated, he says he wants to prove he loves me, hes closed his sole bank accounts and wants us to get married. He is putting in more effort but part of me cant understand why now? I am shocked I know our relationship has been rocky, but i never saw this coming and I dont know if i can ever feel happy again. He is trying to act as if nothings happened and doesnt want me continually bringing it up. I suppose its worse because I asked him if there was anything else he needed to tell me when I found he'd been texting this woman and he said no, then i find the internet dating ;( Is there more i don't know. Its torture......
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Relationships
Have evidence of possible infidelity but no proof! help!
MrsParker · 04/10/2013 10:05
Oh please dont marry a man who suddenly wants marriage to prove he is not a cheating scumbag paying for live porn! 
I think you know everything you need to know about this man. The question is, do you want to be in a relationship that has zero respect for you and is looking elsewhere for his sexual and emotional kicks?
What has closing his bank account got to do with anything?
Sorry to read this Mrs P. sadly, if you've been around this board much you will see a script mentioned that most cheating OHs seem to follow. The problem is that you won't know it exists until its too late, as why would you.
Anyway, it goes something like this, deny, delete, minimise.
Deny there's anything going on
Delete phone and email evidence. Profiles on sites
Minimise, I only messaged, text, rang, only met one, only kissed blah blah blah. They will only admit to what they think they can get away with.
If you can, and this is very hard as you will be full of adrenaline which makes my hands shake and I can't think straight you need to try and separate the emotion from the facts.
So, he joined site on 16 aug
You saw him on 26 on a profile
What dates were the phone calls to and from?
What was dating site
Have you checked emails. Hotmail. Yahoo.
Have you looked back through statements to see if there are any more payments. Is it Global Personals?
IRL I'm an analyst. I needed the facts. Or I would've taken the few facts that I knew and made some HUGE story up around them.
In actual fact in my case the truth was so bizarre I couldn't have flipping made it up, but that's a whole different story and now, today, I'm here to help you and hold your hand 
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